I'd end varus if you made it easy for me, sure. I'd kind of liked to have put a bullet in him just as he typed the words, "I'm always on my guard."
I've never killed anyone, but I totally would. Just give me a reason. I don't need to dehumanize them. I'm more a utilitarian. It's not something I expressly like about myself, but I'd probably enjoy it, and I don't have any categorical prohibitions against it. Not that I like hurting people that don't deserve it... I don't even like swinging hard in practice vs. others. But give me a valid reason why killing someone would be better for the world, and the only reason I'd hesitate would be to savor it.
Fortunately for people like varus, there are behavioral determinants like knowable legal consequences, as well as axiological problems, like the unknowability of ultimate consequences, to keep him safe.
Coming over the hill, Kachi sees it. It's a massive complex, with all the practical sterility of a military base. An overscaled satellite dish sits atop a large, windowless building, standing taller than the myriad other structures ringing it. Heavily armed soldiers in white are everywhere, patrolling catwalks and guarding doorways.
Kachi takes another look at the wombat pelt that Kao provided him. Scrawled on it in sloppy text are two numbers. "69.1938,-145.129395". He utters a silent curse for the handwriting of programmers. But this has to be the place. The middle of nowhere, Alaska. He is tired and hungry, but his goal must
After some careful searching, he comes upon a fenced shed on the exterior of the complex. Kachi climbs a nearby tree and leaps over. After a brief pause to make sure that he wasn't detected, he slips through the door. Finding a ventilation shaft, he crawls inside.
He navigates the labyrinthine passageway, doubling back numerous times at dead ends and wrong turns. He's not quite sure what he's looking for, but something tells him that "He" is close. A sixth sense seems to be taking him in deeper into the complex...he must be getting close to that central building.
Abruptly, the path ends at a massive vertical duct. High above him, Kachi can see the louvers of an exterior vent. Hot air pushes past him to it from the darkness below. He takes a deep breath, affixes his grappling hook to the edge, and rappels down into the abyss.
Finding the ground, he detaches himself. It's pitch black. He strikes a flare, but it does little to abate the darkness that surrounds him. Then suddenly, there's a deafening "CLACK" as dozens of high-intensity bulbs turn on, blinding him. Kachi raises a hand to shield his eyes as they adjust.
Around him, all manner of electronic devices hum and whir. Cables from them draw the eye towards the center of the room, where a giant white cube sits. A single door occupies the wall of the cube facing Kachi. The words on it are unmistakable.
Soundlessly, Kachi stalks towards the door. He draws the nunchucks from his utility belt, wishing he'd picked a more practical weapon. He turns the knob, opens the door, and steps inside, readying himself.
Inside, Kachi pauses, confused. There's nobody inside. Just a giant tower of computers. All of the wires that had led to the room are plugged into its side.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, KACHI." The voice, which seems to come from everywhere and nowhere at once, startles him. He whirls around, swinging the nunchucks awkwardly, but there's nobody to be seen. Then he sees the monitors on the walls. On them are the words he heard, and a blinking command line prompt. It's only then that the realization dawns on him.
"I'm here to kill you, Varus." he says.
"HAH. UNLIKELY." intones the voice. "I'M ALWAYS ON GUARD. I'VE BEEN FIGHTING BLACKS AND MEXICANS ON THE STREETS SINCE I WAS A KID."
What to do? Somehow, Kachi suspsects that nunchucking the computer isn't going to accomplish anything. He recalls that in the movies, evil AI's can be destroyed by posing them a logical paradox.
"Hey varus, what do you think about Herman Cain?" he asks.
"HERMAN CAIN IS GREAT. DEMOCRATS ONLY HATE HIM BECAUSE HE'S A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSMAN. THOSE ******* THAT ACCUSE HIM ARE TOTAL WHORES." comes the reply.
"And what do you think of blacks?"
"THEY'RE ALL LAZY GOOD-FOR-NOTHING N*******."
"But Cain is black, Varus. How can you like him, if you hate him?" Kachi says calmly.
Chaos ensues. The computer tower begins to spark and smoke. All around him Kachi can hear an electrical hiss, and the floor begins to give a dull rumble. The voice is stuttering now:
Kachi heads for the door. "So long, Varus." he mutters, as it closes behind him.
"THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE." the voice booms behind him. "CHICKS LOVE ME. I ONCE SCORED 42 POINTS AGAINST BELMONT." The sparks and smoke have given way to full blown explosions, now. The voice gets more frantic, more confused, as it slowly fizzles out.
"YOU CAN'T DO THIS. I DRIVE A NISSAN ALTIMA. I DRIVE A NISSON ALTIM..."
...is the last thing Kachi hears, as he climbs back out through the ducts. He wonders what the other posters found when they went in search of Gbaji, ThiefX, and Almalieque. They should be nearing their targets, as well.
For a few weeks, it's as if nothing has changed. Then slowly, the ZAM forums adjust to the absences. The Asylum becomes a forum for discussing soup recipes and the pros and cons of the Kaldor-Hicks model of economic efficiency.
The End. Edited, Dec 22nd 2011 6:48pm by Kaolian Edited, Dec 23rd 2011 12:10am by Eske Edited, Dec 23rd 2011 1:29am by Eske