Waiting until marriageFollow

TLC is releasing a new special called "Virgin Diaries" that apparently follows virgins waiting for their "first time." The UK version of it in 2006 focused on teens and bombed; this one will follow "adult virgins," apparently. The only reason I'm remotely interested is because one of my best friends is 26, has been dating a girl (27) for two years, and they're both virgins... and if it becomes a show, god DAMN do I want them on it!

But that brings up the question of "waiting." Being good friends, we've discussed the topic a few times. The first thing he always brings up is his religion: he thinks it's the Christian thing to do to wait. But going past that, he's also mentioned a few other things. "I don't know what I'm missing, so it's not all that hard to wait," is one of them. Another was "I don't have any experience, and neither does she, so going very slow is just more comfortable."

Then, knowing him as a friend, I have some other explanations that he never mentions.
1. Family interference: He's a "Momma's Boy" who does almost anything his mother says. And she has never approved of any girl he's dated, so the relationships all ended pretty quick up until now. Now his girlfriend is almost a carbon copy of his mother (ugh, analyze that, psychologists), and also a virgin, so she's calling the shots on waiting.
2. Personality. My friend, bless his heart, is incredibly awkward around girls. He doesn't know how to act around girls, and thus is very limited in his interaction with them. He's only had two other girlfriends so far, both starting online and living long distance.
3. Lack of opportunity: see the aforementioned. Few girlfriends, few opportunities, doesn't go out much. The one girl we thought might rob him of his innocence broke up with him after meeting his mother for the first time and being completely chewed out and demeaned.


Still, I do envy him at times; a relationship without sex (especially early on) lets a true friendship develop. Sex also can complicate things; pregnancy scares, diseases, awkwardness in general. And then there's a jealousy issue: what has your partner done before? Are they more experienced? Too experienced? I personally find the pros outweigh the cons, but at times I wish I had waited until later to start being sexual. Anyone know people in similar situations who would be great for this show? Or want to chime in on their views on "waiting?"

Edit: Holy moley, the kiss in the preview is painful to watch!



Edited, Nov 29th 2011 4:32pm by LockeColeMA

If there was any reason why I didn't wait until I got married it would be because I didn't want my "You may kiss the bride" moment to be like the one in the video.

Christian for basically my whole life, didn't wait, don't regret it. Things that made sense 2,000 years ago don't make sense these days and stuff. That and the Mrs. made a promise to her grandfather she'd finish college before she got married, and that'd be too much waiting. We were friends before we started dating, so I suppose there was a relationship in there already. I don't think I even talked about her 'history' even came up until well into the relationship.

As for other people, if they want to wait that's awesome, more power too them. Yeah, sex can complicate relationships, kids even more so. Better to wait and miss out than get in over your head I suppose.

Do I know anyone else like this? One couple. The guy went on to become a pastor, the gal was a pastor's daughter. They waited all through high-school and college. Kudos to them I suppose, but I'm not sure that would have been the lifestyle for me.


Edited, Nov 29th 2011 2:08pm by someproteinguy

Edited, Nov 29th 2011 2:09pm by someproteinguy

In before Alma joke.

There's one couple that I know that waited and after a heart to heart with her after a few years of marriage, she realized that she tied herself down and regrets her decision. She now believes that a marriage does have a sexual level and that for a couple to not explore that level before getting married means that couple didn't really explore every issue before getting married. It's akin to any other issue or level that a couple needs to explore before deciding on marriage.

Waiting until getting married was goes back to the idea that who a child's father is cannot be questioned because the father married a virgin (that's the only guy she ever had sex with so he's got to be the father). DNA testing has made that a moot point.

I can the jealousy part of why would someone do all these things with someone else and not wait for me mindset, but if she was that wonderful, you should have sacked up and gotten some courage and asked her out. Most modern females are not going to wait around for the guy to hem and haw over whether he can get the courage up to ask her out. A guy who is fumbling around means to me that he doesn't truly think that he's the right guy that I should be with.

If I recall correctly it's fairly normal to be attracted to someone with a similar personality as your parent of the opposite sex. Especially for the first few people you fall in love with.

I'm rating Aethien up, not because of his post, but because of his avi. ******* awesome shoes (and ***).

This is like a guide book to my ex fiance and myself. I got smart and got the hell out of that downward spiral in a quick hurry when the crazy switch flipped into full gear.

I didn't wait for marriage and I'm glad I didn't. From my perspective I was the lucky one out of my group of friends who wasn't totally and utterly socially inept so relationships with women I've found have always come easy. I've had too many friends that have waited and then fallen in love with the first girl who was willing to sleep with them. They're stuck in relationships because they're infatuated, and it's so unhealthy and one sided to the favor of their girlfriends or wives and it sickens me.

Sex is natural and healthy, I'm a christian and I'm not wired to wait. My body tells me to plant my seed because in the end, we're all human and we're all animals.

Then you are apostate. I'm not judging; I'm just stating a fact.
Would you justify rape and eating your young because animals do it?

To be fair I can't really comment on it. The steps you lined out seem completely foreign to me, so I'll have to take your word for it. In our case we were friends before we got together, and that friendship has been core of the relationship more than anything else. I don't know about the rest of it, but it's been like 12 years now so I'm a bit removed from the modern relationship I suppose.

Sexual compatibility isn't something I'd want to leave to chance, personally. Sure, you might luck out and have compatible drives and preferences. But you very well might not.

Just thinking about an ex couple I know like that... they were friends, had been best friends, since high school, but there was no sexual attraction. Hell, the poor girl was half gender identity disordered throughout college, and used to joke to me about her huge imaginary *****. (Actual quote: "The best thing about the imaginary ***** is that you can make it grow to 20 feet and fling it onto the car in front of you when they're driving badly!" She was a trip.)

She married him, at the pressure of her family and his family and him. He had a master's degree in chemical engineering and got a six figure job as soon as he was out of college. She would have wanted for nothing for the rest of her life. But she was miserable. She described it as a "G-rated marriage" and she was just so unhappy with everything in her life.

Then she fell in love with another guy, another old friend of ours. (Hell, I remember them cosplaying a yaoi couple together back in anime club days.) This time, there was the fireworks. He was a poor art student and had nothing compared to her husband, except, well, perhaps the most important thing.

She divorced her husband (she's still paying off her first wedding) and moved in with the other guy (who happened to be an old room mate of mine and The Little Brother I Never Had, so I was pretty concerned about this whole situation for a while. And even disapproved in a fuddy duddy sort of way.) They have been in bliss ever since.

She's scared of marriage now, but she's with the guy she really loves, it's definitely not a G rated relationship, and they're both happy (albeit poor, since he's a graphics artist.)

Moral of the story: If the spark isn't there, a marriage isn't going to work. Is it worth risking misery and debt by not finding that out ahead of time?