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#52 Nov 30 2011 at 11:38 AM Rating: Excellent
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Co-Ed dorms FTW. Smiley: grin
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#53 Nov 30 2011 at 11:40 AM Rating: Excellent
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Sweetums wrote:
and coupled with the complete inability to get a rhythm

That's why music during love making is so important.

I recommend Queen's "We Will Rock You".
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#54 Nov 30 2011 at 11:57 AM Rating: Excellent
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Jophiel wrote:
Sweetums wrote:
and coupled with the complete inability to get a rhythm

That's why music during love making is so important.

I recommend Queen's "We Will Rock You".

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#55 Nov 30 2011 at 12:00 PM Rating: Excellent
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I tried Yackity Sax once and spent three months in the hospital.
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#56 Nov 30 2011 at 12:23 PM Rating: Excellent
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More **** needs to be done to the tune of Yackity Sax.
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#57 Nov 30 2011 at 1:00 PM Rating: Excellent
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Sweetums wrote:
That, and the absurdity of positioning in a Jetta. How the @#%^ do people do that?

Edited, Nov 30th 2011 11:10am by Sweetums


Since I'm so short, **** in a backseat of a car is actually rather easy to accomplish. Front seat, back seat, on the console, in the trunk, it's all doable.
#58 Nov 30 2011 at 3:17 PM Rating: Excellent
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My wife's and my height are much less relevant to vehicular nookie than the **** off bus driver.
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#59 Nov 30 2011 at 4:30 PM Rating: Excellent
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lolgaxe wrote:
My wife's and my height are much less relevant to vehicular nookie than the **** off bus driver.


If you do it in the back seat of a taxi in Vegas, the driver will generally comp you the fare. I speak from experience.
#60 Dec 01 2011 at 1:13 AM Rating: Good
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So I'm the only one who has **** to the theme of Benny Hill?
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#61 Dec 01 2011 at 1:33 AM Rating: Excellent
**** is kinda like High School; Before you get there, you're scared of it. While you're there, it's the most important thing in the world. Afterwards, you're all like, "What was the big fucking deal?"

Stop putting the **** on a pedestal, virgins.
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#62 Dec 01 2011 at 1:43 AM Rating: Excellent
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Thumbelyna Quick Hands wrote:
lolgaxe wrote:
My wife's and my height are much less relevant to vehicular nookie than the **** off bus driver.


If you do it in the back seat of a taxi in Vegas, the driver will generally comp you the fare. I speak from experience.
Nowadays, you'll also wind up on internet voyeur cam sites that said taxi drivers run(or at least submit content to).
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#63 Dec 01 2011 at 8:37 AM Rating: Excellent
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Exodus wrote:
So I'm the only one who has **** to the theme of Benny Hill?

...

...


Smiley: dubious
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#64 Dec 01 2011 at 9:11 AM Rating: Good
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Well, it's not that he wants to. It's just that it starts playing every time he does.
#65 Dec 01 2011 at 9:51 AM Rating: Excellent
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Omegavegeta wrote:
Sex is kinda like High School; Before you get there, you're scared of it. While you're there, it's the most important thing in the world. Afterwards, you're all like, "What was the big fucking deal?"

Stop putting the @#%^ on a pedestal, virgins.
Yeah, the most baffling thing was "what the fuck, I don't really feel any different. I don't even feel like I should put on my big girl pants." Living in the South, I was treated to abstinence-only education (thankfully my nerdity helped me avoid being ignorant of contraception), complete with the story of how the cheerleader died of AIDS at the end of the school year after she'd lost her virginity, even though she used a condom.

At the assembly (the group presenting it was explicitly Christian, by the way) I wanted to ask how contraception and premarital **** were bad for women, since contraceptives apparently encourage it, while people were simultaneously **** about how women outnumber men on college campuses; why exactly I'd want to marry a guy who'd reject me just because I've had **** (kind of turns the whole "men who wait value your personality more than sex" thing on its head); ask about the statistics regarding cohabiting couples who actually plan ahead, rather than those who are compelled by mere inertia to marry (statistics show that if you move in with plans for marriage, rather than just getting married because you're too lazy to move your sofa and it feels like "the next step", the divorce rates are practically equal); and most importantly, why I'd want to forego practice for my wedding night. You obsessive fuckers have practice dinners. I wanna practice the important things.

Edited, Dec 1st 2011 9:52am by Sweetums
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#66 Dec 01 2011 at 5:32 PM Rating: Excellent
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someproteinguy wrote:
Co-Ed dorms FTW. Smiley: grin


Omegavegeta wrote:
Sex is kinda like High School; Before you get there, you're scared of it. While you're there, it's the most important thing in the world. Afterwards, you're all like, "What was the big fucking deal?"

Stop putting the @#%^ on a pedestal, virgins.


I remember when I was like 12 I asked my 17 year old brother what **** felt like and he said "Sex is **** little bro, it's great but its not all that amazing."

I had no idea what the **** he meant at the time, but your quote pretty much sums it up.
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#67 Dec 02 2011 at 3:02 AM Rating: Good
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Exodus wrote:
So I'm the only one who has **** to the theme of Benny Hill?

I don't think they call it **** if you're the only one. Smiley: frown


I lost my virginity at a young age (ah, I still recall the overpowering stench of whiskey on that **** slut's breath...mmmm nostalgia) and and over the years have been increasingly glad for it. For you V-card holders I would strongly suggest some serious research into the Pr0nographical Arts before you do the dirty unless you like being a disappointment to others. I never had such a luxury was forced to tinker around until I figured out how the parts worked. Like how you should slap around the general area "down-there" to stimulate her or apply **** as an under-eye (or inner-eye if she's kinky) cream; silly me tried being ginger and keeping my bodily fluids to myself.

**** is an important part of any relationship, both physically and emotionally. Holding out is half-assing the effort while missing out on valuable life experience. I can't ever recall meeting a delightful prude.
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#68 Dec 02 2011 at 7:33 AM Rating: Excellent
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Jacobsdeception wrote:
For you V-card holders I would strongly suggest some serious research into the Pr0nographical Arts before you do the dirty unless you like being a disappointment to others.
Oh god no, that would be close to the worst **** ever
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#69 Dec 02 2011 at 7:39 AM Rating: Excellent
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Without porn, I wouldn't have known that losing my virginity required an extra dude so we could DP her like all women want.
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#70 Dec 02 2011 at 7:57 AM Rating: Excellent
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Chicks dig the Eiffel Tower.
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#71 Dec 02 2011 at 8:06 AM Rating: Excellent
Chicks also dig it when you finish off in their hair and eyes.
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#72 Dec 02 2011 at 8:49 AM Rating: Excellent
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lolgaxe wrote:
Chicks dig the Eiffel Tower.

Some do Smiley: tongue But probably not for the first time.
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#73 Dec 02 2011 at 8:58 AM Rating: Excellent
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LockeColeMA wrote:
lolgaxe wrote:
Chicks dig the Eiffel Tower.

Some do Smiley: tongue But probably not for the first time.


There was a sorority that was infamous for having a couple members that did it back in undergrad at Lehigh. Smiley: lol
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#74 Dec 02 2011 at 9:07 AM Rating: Excellent
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Eske Esquire wrote:
LockeColeMA wrote:
lolgaxe wrote:
Chicks dig the Eiffel Tower.

Some do Smiley: tongue But probably not for the first time.


There was a sorority that was infamous for having a couple members that did it back in undergrad at Lehigh. Smiley: lol

I've had girls tell me they love it, that it's always been a personal fetish for them.

People have very strange fantasies and desires, now that I think of it. I had one ex tell me that she always wanted someone to take advantage of her while she was sleeping. I don't even want to begin thinking of what her psychological issues were (she was relatively normal while we were dating).
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#75 Dec 02 2011 at 9:19 AM Rating: Excellent
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LockeColeMA wrote:
Eske Esquire wrote:
LockeColeMA wrote:
lolgaxe wrote:
Chicks dig the Eiffel Tower.

Some do Smiley: tongue But probably not for the first time.


There was a sorority that was infamous for having a couple members that did it back in undergrad at Lehigh. Smiley: lol

I've had girls tell me they love it, that it's always been a personal fetish for them.

People have very strange fantasies and desires, now that I think of it. I had one ex tell me that she always wanted someone to take advantage of her while she was sleeping. I don't even want to begin thinking of what her psychological issues were (she was relatively normal while we were dating).


Makes me think about the Louis CK bit about the girl who wanted him to rape her. Smiley: lol

Edited, Dec 2nd 2011 10:19am by Eske
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#76 Dec 02 2011 at 9:36 AM Rating: Excellent
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lolgaxe wrote:
Chicks dig the Eiffel Tower.
I really dig taking it up the ass, and then taking it in the pussy. After some really hot sex, I can have a really hot **** from my hot UTI.
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You know that feeling you get when you have a little bit of hope, only to have it ripped away? Sweetums feeds on that.
#77 Dec 04 2011 at 6:16 PM Rating: Excellent
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Sweetums wrote:
oh god you guys are gonna be so disappointed on your wedding night)[/sm], it was just so ludicrous that laughing was a foregone conclusion.



yeah brings back memories, my first time was with another virgin, and I mean, lesbians don't even really have the "advantage" of seeing **** sex in movies and such (especially not 10 years ago) nor the easy tab goes in slot thing that hets and even **** guys have going for them, so after rolling around and trying various things we just ended up laughing.

Not even sure it counts as losing virginity since there was no orgasms or penetration even... its pretty fuzzy when yer a **** lady, but I'll count it anyway.

As to the whole OP, I have to say it is sad to hear you talk about how they felt guilty for straying into handjob territory. I won't judge them for not wanting to do the deed until after they marry but I worry about it being an issue of guilt. If they are holding back because they would feel guilty not holding back, that's pretty unhealthy.

Also I'd like the second the folks talking about what a good idea it is to practice. I personally like being a good lover, and I don't think it hurt my current relationship to have my partner feel happy and fulfilled our first time together. Eagerness and reading can only get you so far.
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#78 Dec 04 2011 at 6:19 PM Rating: Excellent
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Sweetums wrote:
lolgaxe wrote:
Chicks dig the Eiffel Tower.
I really dig taking it up the ass, and then taking it in the @#%^. After some really hot sex, I can have a really hot **** from my hot UTI.


Oh god have a UTI right now the **** thing won't go away, I don't even know how the **** I got it either. On my second round of antibiotics and its still going strong.

Don't get poo in the pee hole it sucks.
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When it comes to sitting around not doing anything for long periods of time, only being active for short windows, and marginal changes and sidegrades I'd say FFXI players were the perfect choice for politicians.

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#79 Dec 04 2011 at 6:28 PM Rating: Excellent
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Going back to "Don't use **** as a How-To Guide" for guys, the same thing applies to the ladies and our wonderful written girl porn. Romance novels are not written by virgins. They're written by middle aged women living out fantasies through their characters, which is why the heroine is going to **** three times the first night and the hero is going to have the stamina of a male **** star, all cloaked in funny euphemisms because many women still giggle when they see the word "penis."

One time my husband snuck into one of the stories I was writing and swapped out the word "manhood" for "cock rocket." Smiley: lol
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#80 Dec 04 2011 at 9:49 PM Rating: Excellent
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Flea and I actually watched this show tonight. The Christian couple was bizarre in their kissing, especially since the girl said she had kissed before meeting her fiance. And had neither of them ever at least seen a movie or TV show? Well, whatever.

The dude I felt a little bad for since he wasn't a bad guy, just socially inept. A little social filter between his mind and mouth and he'd probably be golden.

The worst was the freakish virgin coven. And the worst part of that trio was the girl who apparently was so hard up to be part of their little clique that she was a "reclaimed virgin" after having banged seven boyfriends. But those idiots made the dude above look like fuckin' Don Draper in comparison.

Edited, Dec 4th 2011 9:49pm by Jophiel
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#81 Dec 05 2011 at 1:19 PM Rating: Excellent
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Ok, serious response to this question. While my view is undoubtedly different from the vast majority of people's, to use a metaphor **** is the emotional glue on the relationship tape which holds a couple together. As in real life if you use and reuse a piece of tape the stickiness that provides its' purpose is diminished. The first time you apply said tape to something it does its' job masterfully. But the more it get pulled off and placed on other items to be held together it eventually becomes ineffective.

Likewise, **** is a bond between two people which is at its' strongest when only used between them. Promiscuously distributed, the emotional component which makes **** more than personal gratification is lost.

As for the show, not having seen it I'd still have to say it is likely typical faire for today's consumner: shallow, misguided, and done in a manner which directs scorn and laughter at the participants rather than celebrating a decision to be true to their spouse.

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#82 Dec 05 2011 at 1:26 PM Rating: Excellent
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Totem wrote:
sex is the emotional glue on the relationship tape which holds a couple together. As in real life if you use and reuse a piece of tape the stickiness that provides its' purpose is diminished.

On the other hand, glue works pretty much every time out of the bottle. Unless you let it sit too long without using it; then it gets all gummy and ineffective.

So I agree with your analogy Smiley: thumbsup
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#83 Dec 05 2011 at 1:27 PM Rating: Excellent
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Velcro ftw
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#84 Dec 05 2011 at 1:28 PM Rating: Excellent
ITT: Joph has a bottle full of sex.
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#85 Dec 05 2011 at 1:29 PM Rating: Excellent
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okay need to know now what does ITT stand for, been wondering a long time
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#86 Dec 05 2011 at 1:30 PM Rating: Excellent
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In This Thread, we discuss Joph's **** Bottle.
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#87 Dec 05 2011 at 1:31 PM Rating: Decent
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Jophiel wrote:
Totem wrote:
sex is the emotional glue on the relationship tape which holds a couple together. As in real life if you use and reuse a piece of tape the stickiness that provides its' purpose is diminished.

On the other hand, glue works pretty much every time out of the bottle. Unless you let it sit too long without using it; then it gets all gummy and ineffective.

So I agree with your analogy Smiley: thumbsup

On a related note **** juices make a fairly effective glue if left to dry.
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#88 Dec 05 2011 at 1:34 PM Rating: Excellent
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In This Thread.

edit: ITT: I am too slow with posting.

Edited, Dec 5th 2011 8:35pm by Aethien
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#89 Dec 05 2011 at 1:42 PM Rating: Good
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His Excellency Aethien wrote:

ITT: I am too slow with posting.


#90 Dec 05 2011 at 1:45 PM Rating: Excellent
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Jimpadan wrote:
On a related note **** juices make a fairly effective glue if left to dry.

You ate a lot of paste as a child, din't you?
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#91 Dec 05 2011 at 1:56 PM Rating: Excellent
Apparently paste is good for your skin too.

Edited, Dec 5th 2011 1:57pm by Xsarus
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#92 Dec 05 2011 at 1:58 PM Rating: Excellent
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Jimpadan wrote:
Jophiel wrote:
Totem wrote:
sex is the emotional glue on the relationship tape which holds a couple together. As in real life if you use and reuse a piece of tape the stickiness that provides its' purpose is diminished.

On the other hand, glue works pretty much every time out of the bottle. Unless you let it sit too long without using it; then it gets all gummy and ineffective.

So I agree with your analogy Smiley: thumbsup

On a related note **** juices make a fairly effective glue if left to dry.


God knows when I was 14 and making arts and crafts my first thought was, "LETS GLUE IT WITH SPERM!"
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#93 Dec 05 2011 at 2:04 PM Rating: Excellent
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Looking back, at age 14 I probably would have humped a woman made of elbow macaroni and glitter.


I bet it'd be like nailing like Ke$ha chick.
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#94 Dec 05 2011 at 2:06 PM Rating: Good
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Jophiel wrote:
Looking back, at age 14 I probably would have humped a woman made of elbow macaroni and glitter.


I bet it'd be like nailing like Ke$ha chick.


I'd at very least hope some of it was cooked, just for comfort's sake.
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#95 Dec 05 2011 at 2:29 PM Rating: Excellent
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ArexLovesPie wrote:
Jophiel wrote:
Looking back, at age 14 I probably would have humped a woman made of elbow macaroni and glitter.


I bet it'd be like nailing like Ke$ha chick.


I'd at very least hope some of it was cooked, just for comfort's sake.

Have you ever tried to glue cooked noodles?
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#96 Dec 05 2011 at 3:57 PM Rating: Excellent
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Elinda wrote:
ArexLovesPie wrote:
Jophiel wrote:
Looking back, at age 14 I probably would have humped a woman made of elbow macaroni and glitter.


I bet it'd be like nailing like Ke$ha chick.


I'd at very least hope some of it was cooked, just for comfort's sake.

Have you ever tried to glue cooked noodles?


with semen?
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When it comes to sitting around not doing anything for long periods of time, only being active for short windows, and marginal changes and sidegrades I'd say FFXI players were the perfect choice for politicians.

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#97 Dec 05 2011 at 4:13 PM Rating: Good
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Sweetums wrote:
Quote:
Isn't this something a couple should discuss before they married anyway?
This isn't "pile on you because you're a virgin" hour, but you can't really gauge sexual compatibility without some sort of sexual contact.


Insert joke about conception here.

Or just kind of wiggle it around in the general area.
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#98 Dec 05 2011 at 4:14 PM Rating: Excellent
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Just the tip.
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#99 Dec 05 2011 at 4:25 PM Rating: Good
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His Excellency Aethien wrote:
ITT: I am too slow with posting.



Smiley: motz Dammit, I'm too slow again!
#100 Dec 05 2011 at 4:56 PM Rating: Excellent
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Olorinus wrote:
Elinda wrote:
ArexLovesPie wrote:
Jophiel wrote:
Looking back, at age 14 I probably would have humped a woman made of elbow macaroni and glitter.


I bet it'd be like nailing like Ke$ha chick.


I'd at very least hope some of it was cooked, just for comfort's sake.

Have you ever tried to glue cooked noodles?


with semen?


We're onto something here. Who knows that legal jargon and can get a patent started?
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#101 Dec 05 2011 at 5:37 PM Rating: Excellent
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Patent submitted, under the name bloodleoodle. I hope I'm not rejected due to prior art.
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