Two British guys are sitting in a Bistro in northern France.
They're both sitting on the same bench seat, side by side, real close.
The waiter sees how snuggled together they are and takes a homophobic offence.
He asks them why they're not sitting on opposite sides of the table like normal blokes do.
"We're conjoined at the hip" says one of the Brits. "You know, Siamese Twins?"
The waiter apologises profusely and enquires why they are in France.
"Ees it because of ze Frrrrench Girls?" says the waiter
"Nope - we're both happily married" says a twin
"Ees it because of ze Fine Frrrrench Wines?" says the waiter
"Nope - we're both teeototal" says the other twin
"Ees it because of ze Fine Frrrrench Food?" says the waiter
"Nope - we both stick to sandwiches" says the other twin
The waiter is exasperated.
"Zen why in ze name of all zat is sensible do you come to France!?!!?!" screams the waiter.
One of the twins says. . .
"It's the only chance he gets to drive"
Barrum-bum - Le Pssshhhh!
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"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve
Speaking of which, I got a case of culture-shock yesterday while watching The Transporter. I noticed straight away that British actor Jason Statham was on the left side of the car, driving on the right side of the road. It took a few minutes (when I identified the police pursuit were driving Peugeots) that the movie was actually set in France.
publiusvarus wrote:
we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
Nooby wrote:
"Nope - we're both teeototal" says the other twin
Huh?
Quote:
Speaking of which, I got a case of culture-shock yesterday while watching The Transporter. I noticed straight away that British actor Jason Statham was on the left side of the car, driving on the right side of the road. It took a few minutes (when I identified the police pursuit were driving Peugeots) that the movie was actually set in France.
I've seen that movie a ton of times(favorite of the little missus) and I never noticed that. Way to go Debalic you have a keen eye for uh...stuff.
bbking wrote:
Nooby wrote:
"Nope - we're both teeototal" says the other twin
Huh?
An obscure (to American) term for "not alcohol imbibers".
publiusvarus wrote:
we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
Debalic wrote:
Speaking of which, I got a case of culture-shock yesterday while watching The Transporter. I noticed straight away that British actor Jason Statham was on the left side of the car, driving on the right side of the road. It took a few minutes (when I identified the police pursuit were driving Peugeots) that the movie was actually set in France.
3 main problems driving a right hand drive car in Europe.
1. If you've no passenger, and the car (like mine) is pretty wide, you slip discs and dislocate hips trying to shove coins into the "guichet" at toll-booths. And as for car parks, pressing the "Press here for ticket" button is half the problem of grasping the ticket when it emerges!
tip - don't have your ciggies in your left jacket pocket. I crushed 4 packs in France and Germany last month.
2. Pulling out of street-side parking space when you are on the kerb-side.
3. Be prepared for all the questions about which way the pedals are configured in a Manual Transmision vehicle.
"I started out with nothin' and I still got most of it left" - Seasick Steve
Buffyisagoddess wrote:
I've seen that movie a ton of times(favorite of the little missus)
Let me guess, the several scenes of a topless Statham?
publiusvarus wrote:
we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
Quote:
Let me guess, the several scenes of a topless Statham?
Shutup.
And the answer is yes.
Debalic wrote:
bbking wrote:
Nooby wrote:
"Nope - we're both teeototal" says the other twin
Huh?
An obscure (to American) term for "not alcohol imbibers".
The phrasing should be been "we both teetotal" or "we're both teetotalers."
A surfer is walking along the beach when he notices someone crying. Upon closer inspection the surfer noticed that the sad individual was a female without any legs or arms.
"Why are you crying?" asked the surfer.
"Because I've lived my whole life without a males tender hug, not one single hug!"
The surfer saddened by this tale leans over the girl and gives her a hug. The next day the surfer is walking along the same beach and notices the same sad armless and legless girl. Once again she was crying.
"Why are you still crying?" asked the surfer.
"Because my whole life has gone by without one kiss!" said the girl
The surfer again saddened by her story leans over and gives the girl a kiss. Again, the next day the girl is there. She seems even more upset then the previous two days.
"Why are you crying again?" asked the surfer.
"Because I've lived my whole life without ever having sex. Not one *****!"
The surfer leans over, picks the girl up, tosses her in the ocean and yells "You're fuc[red][/red]ked now!"
Edit: I just really wanted to tell a joke too.
Edited, Tue May 2 20:26:41 2006 by fenderputy
"Why are you crying?" asked the surfer.
"Because I've lived my whole life without a males tender hug, not one single hug!"
The surfer saddened by this tale leans over the girl and gives her a hug. The next day the surfer is walking along the same beach and notices the same sad armless and legless girl. Once again she was crying.
"Why are you still crying?" asked the surfer.
"Because my whole life has gone by without one kiss!" said the girl
The surfer again saddened by her story leans over and gives the girl a kiss. Again, the next day the girl is there. She seems even more upset then the previous two days.
"Why are you crying again?" asked the surfer.
"Because I've lived my whole life without ever having sex. Not one *****!"
The surfer leans over, picks the girl up, tosses her in the ocean and yells "You're fuc[red][/red]ked now!"
Edit: I just really wanted to tell a joke too.
Edited, Tue May 2 20:26:41 2006 by fenderputy
Buffyisagoddess wrote:
Quote:
Let me guess, the several scenes of a topless Statham?
Shutup.
And the answer is yes.
S'ok, the other day I found out that the reason my girlfriend really watches the Boobie Show - er, Charmed - is for Julian McMahon. Since that show is being canned soon, she'll probably switch to Nip/Tuck.
And I'll have to go elsewhere for my Alyssa Milano/Rose McGowan fix.
Edited, Tue May 2 20:24:54 2006 by Debalic
publiusvarus wrote:
we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
Magic + 6 nipples = Charmed
It's an explorer walking in the Amazonian forest. He's been walking for weeks, is freaking thirsty, and is getting well-tired.
Suddenly, he sees a red neon light in the night. He goes towards it, and stumbles upon an old Bar, saying "Old Jacks' Shack" in shiny red letters.
He walks into it, goes up to the barman, and orders a beer. He loks around the bar, and sees an old man sitting, alone, at a table. He stares at him for a few seconds, and says to the barman:
"It's funny, but that old guy over there kinda looks like Hitler."
"That's because it is Hitler", the barman says.
"No way!"
"Way! Go and ask him if you dont believe me..."
So the explorer walks up to the old man, and asks:
"Sorry to disturb you sir, but...are you really Adolf hitler?"
"Ja!" says the old man.
"Waow! Well, thats rather incredible! But... what are you doing here?"
"I am preparing for the Forth Reich!!"
"Oh dear, really? Well, whats it gonna be about? What are you going to do?"
"I will exterminate ALL the Jews, and THREE firemen!!"
"Oh... But why three fireman?"
Hitler smiles, turns around to the barman, and says:
"See? No one gives a **** about the Jews!"
Suddenly, he sees a red neon light in the night. He goes towards it, and stumbles upon an old Bar, saying "Old Jacks' Shack" in shiny red letters.
He walks into it, goes up to the barman, and orders a beer. He loks around the bar, and sees an old man sitting, alone, at a table. He stares at him for a few seconds, and says to the barman:
"It's funny, but that old guy over there kinda looks like Hitler."
"That's because it is Hitler", the barman says.
"No way!"
"Way! Go and ask him if you dont believe me..."
So the explorer walks up to the old man, and asks:
"Sorry to disturb you sir, but...are you really Adolf hitler?"
"Ja!" says the old man.
"Waow! Well, thats rather incredible! But... what are you doing here?"
"I am preparing for the Forth Reich!!"
"Oh dear, really? Well, whats it gonna be about? What are you going to do?"
"I will exterminate ALL the Jews, and THREE firemen!!"
"Oh... But why three fireman?"
Hitler smiles, turns around to the barman, and says:
"See? No one gives a **** about the Jews!"
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