I want real stories from you people of funny things your kids have done or if childless, something you remember a kid ( or yourself as a kid) did. If you try and tell me to post this ***** in the OOT you can fuc[Aliceblue][/Aliceblue]k off. There's no way in hell Im setting foot in there. Besides, what do I care about the sandbox babies?
Yesterday evening my son had gotten into everything. I was about to stat losing my cool, so I decided it would be best if I stepped out of his vision for a couple and have my own "time out". So I popped into the garage, lit a cig, and relaxed for a moment. Once I felt a little bit better I opened the door and stepped into my kitchen/dining room. Now, normally we have the kitty litter box in our downstairs bathroom, but it had just been worked on and I was gearing up to paint it so we moved it into the dining room for the time being. I turn the corner and all I can see is the top half of my 4 yr old, sticking halfway out the the litter box. I froze, watching him, and as he felt the weight of Mothers stare, he slowly turned to me and froze as well. We stared at each other for about 5 seconds, not speaking, not moving. Then very quietly he says "I'm sorry Mommy. I was just pretending to be a cat." All Im thinking at this point was when the last time it had been cleaned. FORTUNATELY, I had just cleaned it the day before. Still I was completely grossed out.
Very quietly I ask him to please get out of the litter box. He nods, says he's sorry again, and I turn away trying hard to figure out if I want to burst out laughing or kill the kid. As I've turned away for the moment I hear his little quavering voice behind me say the one thng that undid me: "Mommy...... I'm stuck"
I'm proud that I held it in until I got him unstuck, his hands washed, and sent him upstairs to change out of those clothes, but once he turned the corner, dashing upstairs, I laughed so hard I cried.
This is so going down as one of the stories I tell potential GF's of his when hes older
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Ok, mine -
This was when my oldest son was young, maybe 4 or 5. I had company over and we were watching a movie. My son decided to play in his room and leave us alone. That was a rare occurance, so I didn't look a gift horse in the mouth.
But he was in his room and quiet for far too long. When I went to check on him, I found that he had both our cats in his room and he had unrolled all the tape from a cassette tape and somehow managed to run the tape from around his door, between the door and the door frame, across his room, where he had both cats tied to a chair, one on it's own chair leg.
How he managed to do all this quietly, and how he managed to keep the cats quiet is still a mystery.
He never could figure out why everyone was laughing so hard.
kids and cats.... we've got a theme going here The first time my niece she was just about 2 came over to my place, i was having coffe with her mother when she comes running into the kitchen. "Mommy, mommy come see Aunt dv has little micey's." I think mice I own a cat there should be no mice, so we follow her in to bathroom where yes my kitty litter box is and she's pulled a couple of the cats dropings out of the litter box and there on the floor. "See mom micey's"
Never realized how hard it is not to break into hysterical laughter as my sister in law child picks up and baby talks cat poo. For some reason now they don't come over to visit Aunt DV8.
Never realized how hard it is not to break into hysterical laughter as my sister in law child picks up and baby talks cat poo. For some reason now they don't come over to visit Aunt DV8.
So, did any of you think to have the kids checked for this? Well, did ya?
Edited, Wed Apr 26 23:59:54 2006 by Elderon
Linked site wrote:
All animals and birds can be infected with the toxoplasmosis parasite. The parasite enters the muscles of a bird or animal when it eats raw meat or drinks the milk of another animal that is infected. Cats can also spread the parasite in their *****. Therefore humans can also become infected with toxoplasmosis when changing a cat litter box or working in an area contaminated with cat *****.
Common ways for people to become infected with toxoplasmosis include:
* eating raw or undercooked meats;
* drinking unpasteurized milk;
* cleaning cat litter boxes;
* working in gardens or playing in sandboxes that contain cat *****.
Common ways for people to become infected with toxoplasmosis include:
* eating raw or undercooked meats;
* drinking unpasteurized milk;
* cleaning cat litter boxes;
* working in gardens or playing in sandboxes that contain cat *****.
Edited, Wed Apr 26 23:59:54 2006 by Elderon
My son wasn't in the litter box, duh.
Now the other two, they've got the poopie kids.
Now the other two, they've got the poopie kids.
hence the reason why my son was scoured and changed his clothes immediatly afterwards
no crazy awsome stories I can remember right now. mostly a few of the common stupid things kids do, like deciding I could give myself a awsome hair-do with a pair of safty scissors. I'll tell you, for a ~5 year old, it was sweet to me 
also, for whatever reason I was fixated on being bandaged up, I was probably watching to many action movies. found some bandages in the closet and a red marker to make some blood spots on them and almost gave my mom a flipping heart attack when she came home.
meh, I'd have to ask my mom, I'm sure I did insanely stupid and funny things as a little kid. most of what I remember was more dangerous and fun than funny.
Looking back at it all, I'm luckey to be hitting 21 in Aug. I'm sure some people back in the day never saw me living that long, take that old people!
also, for whatever reason I was fixated on being bandaged up, I was probably watching to many action movies. found some bandages in the closet and a red marker to make some blood spots on them and almost gave my mom a flipping heart attack when she came home.
meh, I'd have to ask my mom, I'm sure I did insanely stupid and funny things as a little kid. most of what I remember was more dangerous and fun than funny.
Looking back at it all, I'm luckey to be hitting 21 in Aug. I'm sure some people back in the day never saw me living that long, take that old people!
Lady DSD wrote:
hence the reason why my son was scoured and changed his clothes immediatly afterwards
Or was that rabies..
Edited, Wed Apr 26 23:57:47 2006 by Elderon
I think all kids love bandages. Mine always make up "boo-boos" just to get a band aid.
Mistress Nadenu wrote:
I think all kids love bandages. Mine always make up "boo-boos" just to get a band aid.
If my littlest one knows where the bandaids are hidden, he will find a way to get them boo-boo or not.haha I did the blood/marker thing too, only on a really expensive porcelain doll my mom had cherished. I forgot about that until you mentioned it.
When I was little, my friend and I decided to play Doctor. But bandaging our dolls just wasnt good enough. Somehow I got a hold of a red sharpie and grabbed my moms cherished doll. It was fairly realistic looking compared to our cabbage patch and we wanted to make it as real as possible. We gave the doll red spots and rteated her for chicken pox. Until my mom walked in and saw what we were doing. I have no recollection of what happened after. I possibly have no memory because its reprerssed
When I was little, my friend and I decided to play Doctor. But bandaging our dolls just wasnt good enough. Somehow I got a hold of a red sharpie and grabbed my moms cherished doll. It was fairly realistic looking compared to our cabbage patch and we wanted to make it as real as possible. We gave the doll red spots and rteated her for chicken pox. Until my mom walked in and saw what we were doing. I have no recollection of what happened after. I possibly have no memory because its reprerssed
I have a lot of repressed childhood memories.
I was rotten. That's all I remember.
I was rotten. That's all I remember.
Mine was too. But there are one or two things that make me smile. Usually its of making my parents sweat over something.
Like the time my pony and I got stuck in quicksand...
Like the time my pony and I got stuck in quicksand...
I never got stuck in quicksand, but I did kidnap my younger cousin and took her to see the waterfall on my grandfather's property that was about 2 hours away without telling anyone.
Lots of cops around when I got back...
Lots of cops around when I got back...
oh! I remember a good one, we used to have this wierd cross of a living room chair slash office chair (paded and comfortable yet you could spin around in it)
me and my brother would set it in the middle of the living room and take turns spinning each other like crazy, it was built just right to have someone spin you too. well.. he spun me a bit to fast and I couldnt' handle it and well.. 360 degree vomit splatter was a cool thing to us but no one else
I never did see that chair again.
me and my brother would set it in the middle of the living room and take turns spinning each other like crazy, it was built just right to have someone spin you too. well.. he spun me a bit to fast and I couldnt' handle it and well.. 360 degree vomit splatter was a cool thing to us but no one else
I never did see that chair again.
Im sure that was a blast to explain edited to add at Nad
Edited, Thu Apr 27 00:07:09 2006 by DSD
I've got no kida, and no appropriate memories of my childhood...but I do have three kitties.
Faithful, sleek and black, is the momma (only being about 16 months old herself) and the two kittens we kept are Tigger and Socks. These two are black and gray striped tabbies, almost twins. The other day we took them to the vet for an overnight stay so they could get their shots and fixin's. The whole works, with 2 spays and a neuter, for $500 - not bad at all. The next day I called them before going to pick them up when they surprised me - it was, actually, 3 spays. Poor Socks - Sir Socks-a-lot, Mr. Sockspeare, El Socksarino - no wonder I kept getting nasty looks. She even looks male - bulky shoulders and front end, like a bulldog, as opposed to the sleek, slender momma and Tigger.
So after picking them up and bringing them home, we had to keep the poor things in the bathroom since they were still dopey from the anesthesia. They looked pretty much dead and could barely move their back legs. So we locked them in, sleeping it off on some blackets with a bit of water. Not an hour or two later there's a bit of a ruckus, some banging around and I look in to see what was going on. One of them was gone! After looking around a minute, I found Socks sitting on the top shelf, which is six feet over the toilet! How she got up there while almost comatose I can't figure out, but after taking her down she kept getting back up there! Later last night I found Tigger, sitting on top of the shower stall! I took her down, but as soon as I left the bathroom she got back up. After taking her down about four times I finally took down all the wall shelves. Now, what I don't understand, is that even then she managed to perch up on top of the shower, so I just said fu[black][/black]ck it and let her be.
The kitties are all doing fine now, still a bit dopey but up and about. Tigg's sleeping in my lap right now, and momma and Socks are curled up in my chair.
Faithful, sleek and black, is the momma (only being about 16 months old herself) and the two kittens we kept are Tigger and Socks. These two are black and gray striped tabbies, almost twins. The other day we took them to the vet for an overnight stay so they could get their shots and fixin's. The whole works, with 2 spays and a neuter, for $500 - not bad at all. The next day I called them before going to pick them up when they surprised me - it was, actually, 3 spays. Poor Socks - Sir Socks-a-lot, Mr. Sockspeare, El Socksarino - no wonder I kept getting nasty looks. She even looks male - bulky shoulders and front end, like a bulldog, as opposed to the sleek, slender momma and Tigger.
So after picking them up and bringing them home, we had to keep the poor things in the bathroom since they were still dopey from the anesthesia. They looked pretty much dead and could barely move their back legs. So we locked them in, sleeping it off on some blackets with a bit of water. Not an hour or two later there's a bit of a ruckus, some banging around and I look in to see what was going on. One of them was gone! After looking around a minute, I found Socks sitting on the top shelf, which is six feet over the toilet! How she got up there while almost comatose I can't figure out, but after taking her down she kept getting back up there! Later last night I found Tigger, sitting on top of the shower stall! I took her down, but as soon as I left the bathroom she got back up. After taking her down about four times I finally took down all the wall shelves. Now, what I don't understand, is that even then she managed to perch up on top of the shower, so I just said fu[black][/black]ck it and let her be.
The kitties are all doing fine now, still a bit dopey but up and about. Tigg's sleeping in my lap right now, and momma and Socks are curled up in my chair.
publiusvarus wrote:
we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
Debalic wrote:
I found Socks sitting on the top shelf, which is six feet over the toilet! How she got up there while almost comatose I can't figure out, but after taking her down she kept getting back up there!
Cats have a way of getting into places they shouldn't be able to get into. The other day mine managed to cram himself into a basket about half his size.
our one cat is jumping retarded, he can't even make small jumps without over/under shooting it. it is fun to see him try to jump on a table and under shoot it, he'll just hang off the end for a few sec before falling.
man! black cat can't jump!
man! black cat can't jump!
I have a sped cat, all joking aside. As a kitten, he would run from one end of our apartment to the other, but wouldnt stop. Instead he'd crash full speed into the wall. Then hed shake his head, slighty dazed, and do it again. Aftwerwards, hed sit in a corner, look up to the ceiling and yowl. He's the most lovable lap *****, constantly trying to finagle his way on to my lap while I game, which is fine, except he drools a lot.
Three semi-amusing stories about my kids.
My daughter, who is 15 months loves our faimly dog so much she tries to immitate him. It is real cute to see her going around the house barking at things. It stops there though. Everytime I turn around, she is trying to eat out of the dogs bowl. I guess if it is good enough for the dog it is good enough for her....
My 6 yr old son attends the local daycare. Last Halloween, when I was picking him up, I got called into the daycare manager's office. It appears that was son was using language that was inappropriate for a 6 year old. When I asked what he said, I was told that he called one of the daycare assists, "one hawt *****" in perfect context. It took everything I had not to laugh at what he said. I did ground him for it and explained to him that he shouldn't use bad words. I had a talk with my brother about not teaching my son bad words. For all those that are wondering, the assistant is hawt, especially in her Halloween Strawberry Shortcake outfit...
Last story, I was in the supermarket with my son about three years ago. He was in the shopping carriage and we were in the produce section. My son loves watermelon and I was putting one in the carriage. I said, "hey buddy, look at all the huge watermelons." The lady next to me is buying watermelon also and is wearing a very low cut shirt with huge boobs says, "your boy is real cute." My son turns to her and says, "wow, those a the biggest watermelons I have ever saw." I burst out laughing and this poor lady was mortified.
My daughter, who is 15 months loves our faimly dog so much she tries to immitate him. It is real cute to see her going around the house barking at things. It stops there though. Everytime I turn around, she is trying to eat out of the dogs bowl. I guess if it is good enough for the dog it is good enough for her....
My 6 yr old son attends the local daycare. Last Halloween, when I was picking him up, I got called into the daycare manager's office. It appears that was son was using language that was inappropriate for a 6 year old. When I asked what he said, I was told that he called one of the daycare assists, "one hawt *****" in perfect context. It took everything I had not to laugh at what he said. I did ground him for it and explained to him that he shouldn't use bad words. I had a talk with my brother about not teaching my son bad words. For all those that are wondering, the assistant is hawt, especially in her Halloween Strawberry Shortcake outfit...
Last story, I was in the supermarket with my son about three years ago. He was in the shopping carriage and we were in the produce section. My son loves watermelon and I was putting one in the carriage. I said, "hey buddy, look at all the huge watermelons." The lady next to me is buying watermelon also and is wearing a very low cut shirt with huge boobs says, "your boy is real cute." My son turns to her and says, "wow, those a the biggest watermelons I have ever saw." I burst out laughing and this poor lady was mortified.
I don't have kids yet..just a 13 year old fluffy kitty named Kody Coco Chanel. (She swears she was born in France and is a blue blood but in reality she's from Alabama...shhh..don't tell her!)
I can tell you something I did as a child. I was about 4 years old and my family and I were visiting a great aunt. She lived in the city and there was a McDonalds less than half a block away. I got out of bed at the crack of dawn, walked to McDonalds in my nightgown, and played on the playground. I don't know how they found me, I haven't asked.
I can tell you something I did as a child. I was about 4 years old and my family and I were visiting a great aunt. She lived in the city and there was a McDonalds less than half a block away. I got out of bed at the crack of dawn, walked to McDonalds in my nightgown, and played on the playground. I don't know how they found me, I haven't asked.
I have lots regarding what a nightmare child I was, but let's go with a cute story about my cousin instead:
I was about 10, and she was about 3 I think. We were at my grandmother's farm and had been playing in the barn. I'm just outside when she runs up to me wide eyed and says, "I was playing in the barn!" Everything she says during this story is said with a strong dramatic tone.
I said, "Yeah?"
She says, "and in the haystack, I saw a MOUSE!"
I said, "there are alot of mice in the barn"
She says, "I KNOW! But this mouse was MAGIC!"
"Magic?" I say, "what do you mean?"
"Well, I walked up to it reeeeally slooowly...but when I got close, IT TURNED INTO A BIRD AND FLEW AWAY!"
She had seen a bat. I still giggle about it.
I love kids.
Nexa
I was about 10, and she was about 3 I think. We were at my grandmother's farm and had been playing in the barn. I'm just outside when she runs up to me wide eyed and says, "I was playing in the barn!" Everything she says during this story is said with a strong dramatic tone.
I said, "Yeah?"
She says, "and in the haystack, I saw a MOUSE!"
I said, "there are alot of mice in the barn"
She says, "I KNOW! But this mouse was MAGIC!"
"Magic?" I say, "what do you mean?"
"Well, I walked up to it reeeeally slooowly...but when I got close, IT TURNED INTO A BIRD AND FLEW AWAY!"
She had seen a bat. I still giggle about it.
I love kids.
Nexa
“It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But a half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.â€
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
I wasn't a BAD kid...just cynical. 
I remember that I snuck up to my mom as she was sleeping and handcuffed her hands to the bed frame. She was my prisoner. She woke up and called for me. She nervously laughed as how I was clever enough to hand cuff her without waking her up and how I told her that she been arrested.
When she asked me to bring the key and undo the handcuffs, I replied "I lost the key."
So...
4 hours later when my dad arrived, he had to get pliers and cut through the plastic of the handcuffs (they were a toy after all.) All the while, I watched.
The moment he was done, I went to a nearby vase and immidiatly proclaimed I have fount the key.
Next thing I know, I'm here; posting in the asylum! No black outs for me, right?
I remember that I snuck up to my mom as she was sleeping and handcuffed her hands to the bed frame. She was my prisoner. She woke up and called for me. She nervously laughed as how I was clever enough to hand cuff her without waking her up and how I told her that she been arrested.
When she asked me to bring the key and undo the handcuffs, I replied "I lost the key."
So...
4 hours later when my dad arrived, he had to get pliers and cut through the plastic of the handcuffs (they were a toy after all.) All the while, I watched.
The moment he was done, I went to a nearby vase and immidiatly proclaimed I have fount the key.
Next thing I know, I'm here; posting in the asylum! No black outs for me, right?
hahaha, that's great Exo...and reminds me of another story:
When I was 3 or 4, I used to go over to my grandmother's house most weekends (my poor parents needed a break). One day in the middle of the week, I'm at home and watching cartoons one afternoon and I just start giggling. I'm laughing and laughing at pretty much nothing (big surprise, eh?). Well, my mom looks at me and she says, "what's so funny honey?"
"Remember that time that I put the Weeble in Nana's vacuum cleaner?" and I'm laughing and laughing. I hadn't been there in days, and my mom just kinda shrugged and figured I was being a silly *** as usual. Well about 10 minutes later, my grandmother calls.
"I just got back from the repair shop with my vacuum, and you know what they found in there?!" My mom, kind of distant sounding, asks, "A weeble?"
"YOU KNEW?! YOU KNEW THAT WAS IN THERE AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?!"
hehe, my poor parents.
Nexa
When I was 3 or 4, I used to go over to my grandmother's house most weekends (my poor parents needed a break). One day in the middle of the week, I'm at home and watching cartoons one afternoon and I just start giggling. I'm laughing and laughing at pretty much nothing (big surprise, eh?). Well, my mom looks at me and she says, "what's so funny honey?"
"Remember that time that I put the Weeble in Nana's vacuum cleaner?" and I'm laughing and laughing. I hadn't been there in days, and my mom just kinda shrugged and figured I was being a silly *** as usual. Well about 10 minutes later, my grandmother calls.
"I just got back from the repair shop with my vacuum, and you know what they found in there?!" My mom, kind of distant sounding, asks, "A weeble?"
"YOU KNEW?! YOU KNEW THAT WAS IN THERE AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?!"
hehe, my poor parents.
Nexa
“It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But a half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.â€
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
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