Ok I figure this is one of the few places I know where I can get an honest(sometimes brutally honest) opinion.
I had a relative commmit suicide about 3 days ago. And since it happened I havent been sad once. Quite the opposite actually, I've been really mad. I feel like said relative was completely selfish and thought about no one but themselves. Anyhow, I just wanted some opinions form the brutally honest. Am I wrong for being pissed. I mean his family is pretty f'ucked up over the whole thing. Responses flames(Smash) all accepted.
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I'm very sorry for your loss. I've been through the same thing and I think that nearly any manner of reaction is natural. There were points when I was angry, when I was sad, when I was confused, and times when I was completely dead inside to the whole event. Feel however you feel and don't feel guilty about it. Just keep in mind that others around you may have completely different, but equally strong reactions, and that they are just as valid. Hang in there, it's one of those things that really only gets better with time.
Nexa
P.S. I have an email address if you ever need to vent. :)
Nexa
P.S. I have an email address if you ever need to vent. :)
“It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But a half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.â€
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
I can't say it better than Nexa can, but I can agree with her. It's natural and normal to be angry at someone for bringing that sort of pain, guilt and confusion upon their family anf friends. At the same time it's natural and normal to feel sad about the loss. You can't control how you feel about the event, so there's no sense in worrying that you're feeling the "wrong" emotions.
Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
Why the hell would someone do that to their family? Cause times are hard? Good idea, kill yourself and make it harder.
I am just sick of other relatives giving me grief over not crying my eyes out. Im not flying home for the funeral. And everyone is pissed about it. I dont feel I should, why go to honor someone that as of now I have nothing but ill feelings toward.
I am just sick of other relatives giving me grief over not crying my eyes out. Im not flying home for the funeral. And everyone is pissed about it. I dont feel I should, why go to honor someone that as of now I have nothing but ill feelings toward.
18 posts
Suicide is well it sucks like if ur in a pt of 6 ppl that are lvl 22-25 and they all the sudden think its ok to hit something called the Valkurm Emperor! now come on they had to know it would kill us like **** how could u not jesus
That is not that unusual, depending on your emotional proximity to this relative. That said, counselors often refer to the "7 stages of loss," where a person goes through various steps before the final step, acceptance. There is no formula as to how long anyone stays or lingers in any particular stage, or even if it is very noticible. In this case, you may have just gone on quickly to Stage 2, which is anger.
Totem
Totem
Candry wrote:
Suicide is well it sucks like if ur in a pt of 6 ppl that are lvl 22-25 and they all the sudden think its ok to hit something called the Valkurm Emperor! now come on they had to know it would kill us like **** how could u not jesus
Wow...Thank you for sharing that. I'm speechless.
While your feelings as to not going to the funeral are perfectly valid, keep in mind that a funeral isn't really to honor the dead.
It's for the living to make peace with the dead. Of course making peace can happen from your recliner at home 10 years from now.
Just a thought.
It's for the living to make peace with the dead. Of course making peace can happen from your recliner at home 10 years from now.
Just a thought.
Spawned, I understand completely. The fact that you can't comprehend suicide speaks volumes for your endurance, but understand that not everyone is so strong, some people just can't cope with life and as angry as it makes you, as much as it impacts you, it wasn't your decision to make and you can't take any responsibility for it.
Your relatives are probably just using you to vent their own heightened feelings. I recommend getting yourself out of the house and not making yourself an easy target. I realize it's trite, but you'll feel better in time.
Your relatives are probably just using you to vent their own heightened feelings. I recommend getting yourself out of the house and not making yourself an easy target. I realize it's trite, but you'll feel better in time.
The Glorious Atomicflea wrote:
I recommend getting yourself out of the house and not making yourself an easy target. I realize it's trite, but you'll feel better in time.
Luckily for me I live 2300 miles from my family. I get home from work at night to at least 5 messages saying how I should support my family in their time of need. I think if I went to the funeral it would be a mistake. I would probably end up starting a fight or something stupid.
suicide = murder. death = an unavoidable step in life. shrug it off and keep going with your life..the clock doesn't stop ticking for anyone until the end, so don't waste the time you have here in sorrow over something trivial.
it's not cold, its just realistic.
it's not cold, its just realistic.
The paper called it suicide, a bullet from a .45, nobody cared nobody cried, doesn't that make you wanna boogie?
Empyre wrote:
suicide = murder. death = an unavoidable step in life. shrug it off and keep going with your life..the clock doesn't stop ticking for anyone until the end, so don't waste the time you have here in sorrow over something trivial.
it's not cold, its just realistic.
it's not cold, its just realistic.
I think that if you are truly mad at the damage he did by leaving then you should go to the funeral to help ease the pain from that damage. You may be angry at him, but dont let that affect your relationships with the living.
...and be careful that you won't regret not going some time down the road... I'd say best to go (if still possible) if not simply to ease the loved ones that want you to..
Keep in mind that suicide is usually a reaction of someone who is very mentally ill. While this isn't an excuse necessarily, it makes a difference when trying to understand why someone might have done something. I think coming to a certain peace with the person you've lost is desirable if possible, but that doesn't mean that you have to be ok with it. You just have to accept it and try to move on.
Also, don't forget that everyone deals with grief in their own way. While you might be angry with the person who has passed, members of your family might also be angry and lash out at others who are still here. Try not to take much anger to heart right now as every feeling is going to be more saturated right now, and every nerve a little more raw.
Just don't avoid recognizing your feelings and trying to get them out. I spent alot of time writing, but that's something I do. If there is a way for you to vent without hurting other people, take advantage of it. Good luck.
Nexa
Also, don't forget that everyone deals with grief in their own way. While you might be angry with the person who has passed, members of your family might also be angry and lash out at others who are still here. Try not to take much anger to heart right now as every feeling is going to be more saturated right now, and every nerve a little more raw.
Just don't avoid recognizing your feelings and trying to get them out. I spent alot of time writing, but that's something I do. If there is a way for you to vent without hurting other people, take advantage of it. Good luck.
Nexa
Quote:
Luckily for me I live 2300 miles from my family. I get home from work at night to at least 5 messages saying how I should support my family in their time of need. I think if I went to the funeral it would be a mistake. I would probably end up starting a fight or something stupid.
If you really think you would be likely to cause problems for the grieving members of the family then you're right to stay away. Instead, you should write a sympathy note to the parents and/or spouse expressing your concern for them. It wouldn't hurt to mention something about the deceased that you will remember fondly. Omit any mention of how he died.
I've been very close to a suicide before. It's a mind ****. I hope you and the other family members can stay strong and get through it together; just remember that it's going to take some time for them to get to where you are now, and for some of them it may not happen at all. Be patient.
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
Thanks for the support and advice all. 
The Asylum is the last place I expected to get some sound advice. I just needed to talk about it a little and expected mostly flames in response. So, I appreciate you all lending an ear for a few minutes. Thanks.
(Although I am a little sad Smash didnt flame it
Maybe he's taking a break today)
The Asylum is the last place I expected to get some sound advice. I just needed to talk about it a little and expected mostly flames in response. So, I appreciate you all lending an ear for a few minutes. Thanks. (Although I am a little sad Smash didnt flame it
Maybe he's taking a break today)he's busy trying to figure out how to get his million dinero to the states.
He's out trying to find Nemo.
4 posts
Wow, I just had someone in my family commit suicide a couple days ago too.. was it a male? in SC?
Unfortuneately ive seen alot of suicides...
GF tried to comitte suicide twice(but she didnt cut deep enough, thank god)
Best friend's gf tried once(rope broke she told me)
GF's friend hung herself and died
Soemone in my school hung himself and died
friend's brother hung himself and died
Honestly life is kinda pointless, and sometimes really depressing especlaly for me due to certain reasons, but I couldnt bring myself to kill myself, the worst ive ever done is cutting(which I dont recommend you do) But suicide really hurts alot of poeple, even if you think nobody cares.
GF tried to comitte suicide twice(but she didnt cut deep enough, thank god)
Best friend's gf tried once(rope broke she told me)
GF's friend hung herself and died
Soemone in my school hung himself and died
friend's brother hung himself and died
Honestly life is kinda pointless, and sometimes really depressing especlaly for me due to certain reasons, but I couldnt bring myself to kill myself, the worst ive ever done is cutting(which I dont recommend you do) But suicide really hurts alot of poeple, even if you think nobody cares.
Scholar
16 posts
ive wanted to hurt myself...but then i got scared and told one person i tell EVERYTHING to...my auntie =)...she asked me why i thought bout it and i said it was because of the relationship between me and my mommy (the relationship i wish we had)...me n my mom dont see eye to eye and sometimes she forgets about me or acts like im not there...makes me sad. She favors my brother alot and always has...i talked to my brother bout it and his repsonse was "well, mom wanted another boy...not a girl"....man, that brought me down even more ='( ...but oh well!...cant always get whatcha want in life!..and now im her living hell! =D haha! and im loving it!....well, maybe i shouldnt say that...oh well! too late!! =D[Green][/Green]
Okay - so one time at ba... on counter-strike I went into console and typed "kill" believe it or not.. is that bad? Ooh and on "Perfert Dark" for N64 I wa splaying with my friend and then I used the item "Suicide Pill" -- Eep, not good for me eh?
Quote:
...feel like said relative was completely selfish and thought about no one but themselves.
Ok this is going to sound harsh...
That is quite possibly what the person that committed suicide felt towards the rest of the world. And what are you doing now? You're thinking about yourself instead of others in the time of grief and loss. You are obviously a strong person, from my perception, so be man and go grieve with your family and stop thinking about no one but yourself.
Stok wrote:
Quote:
...feel like said relative was completely selfish and thought about no one but themselves.
Ok this is going to sound harsh...
That is quite possibly what the person that committed suicide felt towards the rest of the world. And what are you doing now? You're thinking about yourself instead of others in the time of grief and loss. You are obviously a strong person, from my perception, so be man and go grieve with your family and stop thinking about no one but yourself.
I completely realize what you're saying. And I agree I am being somewhat selfish.
More than anyhing I am upset by the damage I am seeing his actions cause. Our family is at each others throats in a sense. They feel like I should be all depressed and crying my eyes out in order to show I am mourning. I think that anger is my way of mourning.
I only been to one funeral in my life. It was for a friend in High School. It made me sick to be there. I have had grandparents and other relatives die since then and have never been to one of their funerals. I find no peace in them. And I feel like that is what a funeral is for...and oppurtunity to find peace in a loved ones death. And my family can't seem to understand that I will not find peace in seeing him in a casket. I prefer to remember him as I last saw him, alive and (I thought) happy. So, maybe I am wrong in not going, at least in the eyes of my family.
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