Forum Settings
       
Reply To Thread

One Hundred Thirty-Eight DaysFollow

#1 May 20 2004 at 2:12 PM Rating: Good
Liberal Conspiracy
*******
TILT
138 Days -- that's how long it has been since my son's mother has had any contact with him. That's including no sign of her for Valentine's Day, Easter, Mother's Day or his fifth birthday which was in early March. She's alive and well, mind you. I know that because she posts to the SOE EQ boards so she obviously hasn't been trapped in an abandoned mine or died in a tornado. And she obviously has the finances to keep an internet connection and the time to chat on a web forum, but can't send an e-mail to her son or even a lame *** Blue Mountian e-card for his birthday.

In eleven days her period of custody for the summer is supposed to begin. I don't even know if I'm I'll hear from her. The sitter was telling my son about his going to see his mother for the summer and I had to ask her to stop. I'm not sure if I'd even let her have him. Let her stand before a judge and explain what she had to do for the last one hundred thirty-eight days that was more important than having a relationship with her son and why she now should have him for the next three months. I'm interested to hear it.
____________________________
Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#2 May 20 2004 at 2:17 PM Rating: Good
YAY! Canaduhian
*****
10,291 posts
I am repeatedly enraged by your ex-wife, Jophiel. What an idiot. She really doesn't know what she's giving up. I guess I'll spill the beans here...I recently found out that I am pregnant and due in December. I already feel a strong bond with the little critter and feel comfortable knowing that the rest of my life will be largely devoted to that person, above and beyond anyone else. I would never cease contact and decide not to care about what's happening in my child's life - no matter what happened between my partner and I.

It's a real shame she doesn't have her priorities straight - but it's wonderful that you do, Joph. Dad o' the year!


____________________________
What's bred in the bone will not out of the flesh.
#3 May 20 2004 at 2:31 PM Rating: Good
***
3,458 posts
Sorry to hear about the troubles Joph. It amazes me how a parent can be completely uncaring towards their own blood. I hope everything turns out ok. I cant imagine having to explain something like that to a child. I dont have children of my own(I view my stepdaughter as my own, but that doesnt count I'm sure a paternal bound is much different) but I wouldnt want to have to address that in a childs life. My stepdaughter basically hates her dad, because he goes throught these cycles of "Ok I'm a dad. Ehhhhhh, I dont wanna be a Dad this month." Its really sad.
#4 May 20 2004 at 2:40 PM Rating: Excellent
Spankatorium Administratix
*****
1oooo posts
I would contact your attorney and find out how long she has to go before she loses all rights, then go on vacation until that time has passed.
____________________________

#5 May 20 2004 at 2:48 PM Rating: Decent
****
8,619 posts
Tough Call Joph.... have you tried contacting her ingame? or posting on the SoE forum, not a flame just a 'get in touch we need to speak URGENT!!'

not an easy situation, i do not envy you.

on a lighter note

Quote:
I recently found out that I am pregnant and due in December.


GRATS!!! Smiley: grin
#6 May 20 2004 at 2:48 PM Rating: Good
Liberal Conspiracy
*******
TILT
Technically, my going on vacation would violate it on my end since I'm supposed to inform her before I take our son out of contact for over three days. In other words, I need to let her know before I go to Bora Bora for a month.

I'll call my lawyer anyway, just because I want some advice before I get my *** thrown in the clink. But I honestly doubt the ex is going to spend the money on an attorney and come up here to take me to court (she has to file any custody complaints in the county the inital judgement was made in) when she can't get her *** on the phone long enough to tell her son "Happy Birthday".

Edit: Said "country" instead of "county"

Edited, Thu May 20 16:01:37 2004 by Jophiel
____________________________
Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#7 May 20 2004 at 2:50 PM Rating: Good
YAY! Canaduhian
*****
10,291 posts
Joph, does she have a new fella in her life? Just wondering...
____________________________
What's bred in the bone will not out of the flesh.
#8 May 20 2004 at 2:52 PM Rating: Good
***
3,458 posts
She doesnt even call for his Birthday?! Thats low.......
#9 May 20 2004 at 2:59 PM Rating: Good
Liberal Conspiracy
*******
TILT
Quote:
have you tried contacting her ingame? or posting on the SoE forum, not a flame just a 'get in touch we need to speak URGENT!!
I have not. She knows my email address, postal address and phone number. Presumably she's aware that she gave birth to a child I'm in custody of and it's not my role to remind her to have a relationship with her son.
____________________________
Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#10 May 20 2004 at 3:06 PM Rating: Decent
****
8,619 posts
I was more thinking that it would benefit you to find out if she planned to make the effort in the summer, this would give you the chance to arrange alternative things for your son to do.

Also it allows you to break it gently to him rather than having him build it up in his mind and her not turn up.

You and your son are the priority not her.



Edited, Thu May 20 16:07:28 2004 by tarv
#11 May 20 2004 at 3:11 PM Rating: Good
***
2,514 posts
Quote:
In eleven days her period of custody for the summer is supposed to begin. I don't even know if I'm I'll hear from her.


You just might be surprised.

I feel very sorry for you, Jophiel. You seem to be a wonderful person. I always wondered what on earth attracted you to such a .. well... tart. She must have been good at hiding her real personality.

/comfort
#12 May 20 2004 at 3:12 PM Rating: Good
Liberal Conspiracy
*******
TILT
I'm not worried about what to do with him. He's not in school until this fall and the sitter said she'd love to have him for the summer, so our lives will continue on. I suppose I'd buy a kiddie pool for the backyard.

As for letting him know, I've mentioned a couple times that I'm not sure yet what's going on. Laying the groundwork, so to speak. Which is why I had the sitter stop mentioning it.

Tare, yup she does. I hope he's as impressed with her mothering skills as I am.
____________________________
Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#13 May 20 2004 at 4:29 PM Rating: Decent
****
5,311 posts
My only advice is, for your own protection please make sure you follow all the rules and laws regarding the custody agreement.

If things end up in court you want to be sitting in the position of being the person who did everything a good, responsible parent should do. Not only morally, but legally as well.
#14 May 20 2004 at 4:42 PM Rating: Excellent
Avatar
******
29,919 posts
Sheesh. 138 days? that's just wrong and mean. I'm sorry she doesn't have more class than that. Document everything, maybe something better will come out of it
____________________________
Arch Duke Kaolian Drachensborn, lvl 95 Ranger, Unrest Server
Tech support forum | FAQ (Support) | Mobile Zam: http://m.zam.com (Premium only)
Forum Rules
#15 May 20 2004 at 5:03 PM Rating: Good
Congrats, Tare. Does this mean I can make the trip to Canada for some backdoor action on a preggo chick? ;)
#16 May 20 2004 at 5:10 PM Rating: Good
YAY! Canaduhian
*****
10,291 posts
MoebiusLord wrote:
Congrats, Tare. Does this mean I can make the trip to Canada for some backdoor action on a preggo chick? ;)


LOL!!! Oh my, Moebius, that's an offer I can hardly refuse! I don't have the big belly yet though...does it need to be..ahem..."backdoor"?

____________________________
What's bred in the bone will not out of the flesh.
#17 May 20 2004 at 5:15 PM Rating: Decent
***
1,437 posts
Nope it means you can still run thru the house
#18 May 20 2004 at 7:55 PM Rating: Decent
Dam Joph sorry to hear your ex is acting like she is. It is amazing how selfish some people can be. Maybe you should have you kid call that should at least bring a little twinge of guilt I would hope. BTW I can feel for ya I am a single Dad too. Tough playing Mom and Dad. How old is your son? Maybe you can give me some tips ;)

#19 May 20 2004 at 9:41 PM Rating: Excellent
*****
18,463 posts
Jophiel, I admire your dedication to your son, but I think it's very important that you remember who this woman is to your child. Even though she is a poor one, she will always be his mother. I think any attempts on your part to contact her will pay off in the long run, because you'll be able to look your kid in the eye when you say you did your best.
It's good that he has you-it'll make up for a lot.
#20 May 21 2004 at 1:50 AM Rating: Good
Official Shrubbery Waterer
*****
14,659 posts
Jophiel, I hope to one day have the same dedication and unwavering commitment to somebody as you do towards your son. I would agree with Yanari in that you should do everything by the book until you talk things over with your lawyer.

I sincerely hope that everything works out for you and your son.

Twiztid
____________________________
Jophiel wrote:
I managed to be both retarded and entertaining.

#21 May 21 2004 at 5:11 AM Rating: Good
Nexa
*****
12,065 posts
Jophiel, you're so cool.

I'd wish you'd never met the tart if it weren't for your darling boy. It's nice to know that with or without her, he'll grow up being well rounded well loved. Father's aren't given enough credit when they should be and too much when they shouldn't.

I'm just happy you're the one who has him and not her. I'd rather that she be selfish and leave him with you, than be selfish and keep him with her, neglected. In the lack of a perfect world, the cards haven't fallen too badly.

Nexa
____________________________
“It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But a half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
#22 May 21 2004 at 10:58 AM Rating: Good
Liberal Conspiracy
*******
TILT
Well, I've got a call in to my old lawyer. She hasn't gotten back to me yet though, so I'm assuming she's probably in court for the day. Anyway, I'm going to relate the past couple years to her and get her opinion on my chances if I sue for full custody.

Flea, I get what you're saying but I've spent the last three years (we settled on custody in December 2000) fighting with her to have a relationship with her son. Three years of badgering her to call, write, visit... anything to show she was even aware she had a son outside of holidays and the summer visitation. After this past January, I decided to just leave her to her own devices. And, left to her own devices, she apparently ignores him completely.

The last time she's seen him was August '03. Around Thanksgiving (it was her year to have him for Turkey Day) I asked her when she wanted to get him. She said she wanted him for Christmas instead. I told her to **** up a rope because it was my year to have him for Christmas and when did she want to get him for Thanksgiving. She responded by blowing Thanksgiving off completely. So, right Christmas, I start sending e-mails and stuff offering for them to have him right after the New Year. No reply. So, on the 3rd, I call multiple times, finally get through to her and ask if she's taking him or not and she says it'd be "too hard". This is someone with no job, living with her parents. I can't fathom a situation where I'd be sitting at home all day, at my mom's house, and it'd be "too hard" for me to take my child for a week. I told her that I guessed I'd hear from her to have him around his birthday, but she never contacted me. I got a package from her mother and, inside it, was a letter saying she (the ex) would be sending a card with some money or something for him. A couple weeks later, still no card and I had registered my son for kindergarten so I sent out an e-mail saying "Hey, he's registered for school and I never got a card so if you think I'm sitting on a check or anything, I'm not." No reply.

Bah. I could go on, but I'll spare you the Jerry Springer routine Smiley: lol Point being (and long in the making) that it's not as if I've been hiding out for six months, rubbing my hands and waiting to pounce. I've just figured that if she hasn't learned in three years, she's not going to learn.
____________________________
Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#23 May 21 2004 at 12:37 PM Rating: Good
YAY! Canaduhian
*****
10,291 posts
Jophiel, my dad has behaved exactly the same way as your wife for my whole life. He never shows any interest, never calls, never writes and I only see him once a year, at Christmas. I went through a whole cycle with him where I blamed myself because of his apathy, I wondered why, I tried to work harder to form a relationship..it finally dawned on me when I was hit by car a few years ago and he didn't even come to the hospital to see me. He just doesn't care. Now, as he gets older he may want to try and form a bond with me and my younger brother, but it's too late and it's his loss.

Thank god I had a great step-father who I loved and adored. You will be the most important person in your son's life as the years go by...and your ex-wife will fall by the wayside, because she's earned it.


____________________________
What's bred in the bone will not out of the flesh.
#24 May 21 2004 at 4:05 PM Rating: Decent
*
103 posts
I know I'm a complete stranger, but I feel for you, man. I truly hope that things work out for you and your son.
I'm dealing with a similar problem myself. My fiance, who I do have a biological son with, has two daughters. Their father has nothing to do with him, even though they worship the ground that he walks on. It kills me to know that they see me with my son, and despite all efforts on my part, I am not their father and cannot take his place. I don't even want to take his place. I want him to have an active part in their life. In his absence though I do the best I can with them to give them a positive father figure.
I hate to say it, but sometimes I think it would be better if he disappeared from their lives forever instead of acting the way he does. His quarterly(I'm being generous here)contact with them only raises their hopes that their dad will be around for them, only for my fiancee and I watch that spark of hope flicker and die.
Ah ***** it. I think being a deadbeat parent should be a capitol offense.
#25 May 25 2004 at 3:20 PM Rating: Good
Liberal Conspiracy
*******
TILT
Well, I've got an appointment with my crack legal team for the 8th, which is the soonest she could get me in. Damn busy lawyers. The "good" news is that I faxed her a synopsis of the past year and she didn't laugh for five solid minutes and throw it in the trash, so I guess that's a good sign. Since it's questionable how the police would react to my refusing to give up the kid (pretty much an equal shot of them forcing me under threat of arrest or else them telling her to take it to the judge depending on the juristiction), Plan A is that, if she actually shows up, to let her take him since it's pretty unlikely she'd going to flee to Mexico with a briefcase full of cash or something. I'm just keeping my yap shut until I talk to Ally McBeal over at the law office.

Further updates as events warrant
____________________________
Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
Reply To Thread

Colors Smileys Quote OriginalQuote Checked Help

 

Recent Visitors: 261 All times are in CST
Barudin314, Anonymous Guests (260)