jesusFollow

Whats the difference between jesus christ and a picture of jesus christ?







Only takes one nail to hang the picture

Jesus is walking down the streets of Jerusalem, and comes across a crowd stoning a prostitute. Heedless of the danger he runs to the front of the crowd and shields her with his own body. He admonishes the crowd and says "Let ye amongst you who has not sinned cast the first stone."

From out of the back of the crowd sails a fist sized rock that smacks the hooker right in the head and kills her.

Jesus peers into the back of the crowd and sees a little old Jewish woman all in black. He looks at her and says, "Ya know sometimes you really **** me off mom."

Here's an oldie but a goody:

Why can't jesus eat M&Ms?


They keep falling through the holes in his hands.


Side note ~ When I was 9 years old, I had heard that joke, and thought it was perfectly appropriate to tell it in catholic sunday school.

edit: changed 'fingers' to 'hands'

OK, i'm an idiot.

Edited, Sun May 9 21:09:50 2004 by Huangafu

Edited, Sun May 9 21:10:56 2004 by Huangafu

If it was "because of the hole in his hands" I could understand because of the common misconception that Christ was crucified through the hands when it was actually the wrists.

Nob is a buisiness man in the buisiness of making nails. Finally he decides it is time to advertise, and calls an advertising company to make him a commercial.
On the appropriate night Nob sits down to watch his commercial. 2 roman soldiers are standing on a hill with Jesus nailed to a cross, and above him a sign reading Nob's Nails.
Appaled Nob calls the advertising company and complains. They appologize profusely and not only agree to make him another commercial, but to also air it during the super bowl. Nob agrees.
So Nob is watching the Super Bowl and his commercial comes on. 2 roman soldiers are standing on a hill in front of an empty cross. In the background Jesus is running away. One soldier looks at the other and says " I told you we should have used Nob's nails."

I thought Peter denied knowing Christ, and Judas betrayed him.


But funny none the less.

Edited, Thu May 13 13:59:52 2004 by spawned

LOL OMG, you guys are sick. However, those are funny as hell.

Does God even need to eat? If so when does he find the time?

The bartender was washing his glasses, and an elderly Irishman came in and with great difficulty, hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, asked for a sip of Irish whiskey.

The Irishman looked down the bar and said, "Is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nodded and the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey also.

The next patron was an ailing Italian with a hunched back and slowness of movement. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and asked if that was Jesus sitting down there. The bartender nodded and the Italian said to give Him a glass of Chianti, also.

The third patron, a redneck, swaggered in dragging his knuckles on the floor and hollered. "Barkeep, set me up a cold one. Hey, is that God's Boy down there?" The barkeep nodded, and the redneck told him to give Jesus a cold one too.

As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, and he got up and danced a jig to the door.

Jesus touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness you are healed!" The Italian felt his back straighten and he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out the door.

Jesus walked toward the redneck, and the redneck jumped back and exclaimed, "Don't touch me, I'm drawing disability!"