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Sexuality and ChildrenFollow

#1 Apr 22 2004 at 10:43 PM Rating: Good
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Such an interesting question, and generating much debate on the other forum I read, I thought I'd post it here for all of you that are longing for a discussion.

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I believe that society is far too conservative when it comes to child sexuality. In my opinion, children should be taught how to love safely and with respect of others and themselves. Children should not be "protected" from sex as they grow older, as indeed evidence suggests, it is a crucial part of healthy mental and physical development.

Why is it, then, that US politicians continue to pass stricter sex offense laws; the age of consent is rising; and fear is spread throughout the public? Why is it that politicians are willing to reject the evidence of psychologists and psychiatrists supporting the need for increased education and involvement of children in sexuality?

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What do you think?
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#2 Apr 22 2004 at 11:03 PM Rating: Decent
so does this mean that i should sit down with my little girl all of 8 years old and tell her how babies are made? or better yet, why don't i see if i can find some sick twisted fuc*k who can really show her what it is all about.
you want to know why children are protected? why the laws are getting stricter and stricter? because of pedophiles - people who hunt and prey upon children - children who should worry more about missing recess than the fact that they have sexual organs - my daughter is 8 years old. she does not know what sex is. she does not know how babies are truly made. i take pride in the fact that she has maintained her innocence, that she is pure and still thinks that boys are yukky. that she gets excited at the thought of the newest bratz doll.
it is my job to teach my daughter about sex and sexuality. when I feel it is appropriate, i will teach her. period. yes, i know that i cannot have her surrounded in a bubble for the rest of her life - but i also know that if you have children you know that it is first instinct to protect them.
is society too conservative? hell no. i do not think we are conservative enough. i look at my daughter and see my flesh and blood, my temper, my smile. and i know that i am one of the lucky ones who still has my baby...that some "non-conservative" child rapist kidnapper killer has not gotten their hands on her. society needs to realize that children are way more important than that adult who has violated the trust of the society.
hmm. raise your kids your way, i will raise mine my way.
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#3 Apr 22 2004 at 11:15 PM Rating: Good
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Ok, before this goes any further...I didn't write this post, I posted it for discussion from a different forum. So, don't get your panties in a twist.

This post is not only about pedophiles, it's also about sex education and why trends seem to currently be moving away from early sex education in favor of a more conservative approach that commences when children are much older. I don't think society can rely on all parents to teach their children about sex, because many simply won't. Thus, it becomes the responsibility of the educational system to do it. Is this "later" sex education fostering a idea that sex is bad, dirty or shameful?

That's the part I'm interested in. Of course, we all know that sex offenders deserve every punishment and treatment we, as a society, can provide.

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#4 Apr 22 2004 at 11:16 PM Rating: Good
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Quote:
In my opinion, children should be taught how to love safely and with respect of others and themselves.


I think it's important to teach kids that sex isn't evil, or wrong, or dirty, it's just something that must be taken very seriously.

I'm just not sure where to draw the line in the sand. It seems there's a small margin of error between turning your teenage daughter into a **** and a sexually-repressed nun.

#5 Apr 22 2004 at 11:29 PM Rating: Good
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Overlord Thundra wrote:
I think it's important to teach kids that sex isn't evil, or wrong, or dirty, it's just something that must be taken very seriously.


I think that the OP (on the other forum) suggests that by denying children access to information about sex from a trusted source (parents), we are doing a disservice to our kids. They are coming away with the idea that sex is dirty and wrong, because it is carefully hidden from them for so long.

I agree with you Thundra, we do need to stress the importance of sex, but the question is when to do that? Is it better to be up front about it very early on, and avoid having your child learn inaccurate information from other kids, or address it very early and cultivate those ideas carefully?

I don't have kids - maybe I'll be freaked out by talking about it too once they come along. <shrug>





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#6 Apr 23 2004 at 12:05 AM Rating: Good
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EDIT: To clarify, I intend on teaching my children the names and functions of every sexual organ on the human body by the time they're able to arrange their Alphabet Cereal to form the word: "Boob" /EDIT

I, like you, have no answer.

It seems a bit inconsistent, if not downright hypocritical to say, "Sex is perfectly natural and is nothing to be ashamed of, but you're a dirty **** if you do it with anybody before you're 18 years old."

What I struggle with most is how to broach the subject of when it's appropriate for them to have sex. Judging by my totally non-scientific high school experience, the average age most kids lose their virginity is 17, possibly 16. I suppose I'm relatively comfortable, in a completely awkward kinda way, with the prospect of my child having sex at that age... but what if they want to get it on at age 15? 14?

I guess it's one of those things you have to deal with on a case by case scenario. For some reason, I have this irrational notion stuck in my head that I wouldn't really have a problem with my kid having (responsible, self-respecting) sex at age 16, but I freak out at the idea of them having sex at 15.

I guess what it comes down to is emphasizing the importance of practicing sex safely, only with those they respect and that they are respected by in return, and that although I'd prefer they not have sex at all until they are out of college, I realize that's not realistic.

The best advice my father ever gave me was:

1. Don't drink or use drugs.
2. When you're drunk and high, don't drive.
3. Don't ***** anybody.
4. When you *****, always use protection.

He never came out and said it, but it was clear I only needed to pay attention to rules number 2 and 4.

A finer example of 'practical idealism' I have not seen.

Edited, Fri Apr 23 01:07:43 2004 by Thundra
#7 Apr 23 2004 at 2:27 AM Rating: Decent
I think that we as a society take violence in stride but focus too little on sex. Most children are only exposed to the bad aspects of sex in our culture like rape and casual sex if presented at all with the subject. I think that if handled appropriatly it doesnt need to be such a taboo and we can make it into something natural in a loving relationship.

Way to often is it described by our news and media in circumstances that make me cringe.

I have a child on the way, a son and I hope that I am man enough to make him realize that there is more to sexual relations then seen on TV daily.
#8 Apr 23 2004 at 2:49 AM Rating: Decent
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What is the age of consent in the US? It's 16 in Australia.

I can't see any reason why questions asked by children can't just be answered honestly. Kids will ask for information at the time that they need it, all the parents have to decide is how much detail and how to describe each thing.

We have sex education in all high schools in Australia starting from around age 14 I think. Surprised to hear the US has a conservative push going against this, just the opposite here.
#9 Apr 23 2004 at 3:10 AM Rating: Decent
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There are probably less peadophiles around now than 50 years ago, it's just more public and easier to spot because of better parental education.

The simple fact is that with a few exception most child abuse is done within the extended family unit , fathers, brothers, uncles, sometimes even mothers or close family friends.

Education is not about abusing your child it is about giving your offspring the right information, so that they can make the correct choises at the times that it really matters.

For example i would rather my son/daughter had sex at 15 knowing what they are getting into and using appropriate protection with the right person. Than waiting untill 21, having no clue and getting pregnant to some joe shmuk she meet on the first day she had any freedom.

I realise that is an extreme example but it illustrates a point non the less.

Thundra wrote:
The best advice my father ever gave me was:

1. Don't drink or use drugs.
2. When you're drunk and high, don't drive.
3. Don't ***** anybody.
4. When you *****, always use protection.
This is great advice and i shall stael it for use with my son.
#10 Apr 23 2004 at 4:24 AM Rating: Decent
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I think we had a 50 post discussion about this a year or two ago.

I can't wait for the "I'm a HERO!" stories of people beating their daughters older boyfriends to stat pouring in.
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Disclaimer:

To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.

#11 Apr 23 2004 at 6:17 AM Rating: Good
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I was raised in a Catholic household, so you'd think I had all kids of hang-ups about sex, but it was also just always part of the fabric of my culture- I watched Benny Hill with my dad at age 6, the crossword puzzles in the paper (next to the comics) had naked girls in it, and all Spanish TV shows involve half-dressed men and women, so it was just everywhere. Sensuality was something that you had that was fun, it inherent. So much so that people think some Hispanic men are gay, when they are just really sensual. My mother encouraged my to dress 'cute', miniskirts and bikinis, but it was never equated with light choices about my sexual behavior. I didn't have sex until I was nineteen, and I don't think I would have been emotionally eqipped to handle it before then. Breaking up with someone you hold hands with isn't the same as breaking up with someone you've let into your body.

I think the key is to not shy away from discussions of it, to acknowledge that they will want it and have a right to have it, but that it is a difficult thing, it complicates your life, and it has to be respected- and this goes for men as well as women. People that teach their daughters to be ashamed and their sons to grab ******* and run make me sick.
#12 Apr 23 2004 at 11:15 AM Rating: Decent
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Quote:
Kids will ask for information at the time that they need it, all the parents have to decide is how much detail and how to describe each thing.
And when the parents are too uncomfortable to answer their children's questions, what then?

I never hear a parent admit they are (or were) too embarassed to discuss sex with their children. So why is it I have met so many people whose parents left them clueless?

I'm convinced junior high or high school is late to be starting the sex education process. If everyone thinks back, many would probably remember experiencing their first sexual feelings and urges struck before then.

Or was I the only kid in the neighborhood who lusted after Batman? Smiley: blush
#13 Apr 23 2004 at 11:22 AM Rating: Decent
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Quote:

Kids will ask for information at the time that they need it, all the parents have to decide is how much detail and how to describe each thing.

Yeah, "when they need it" like after Bobby tells your daughter she won't get pregnant if they only **** on weekends and then she discovers it's the "time she needs information" when she misses her period for some unkown reason.
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Disclaimer:

To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.

#14 Apr 23 2004 at 11:27 AM Rating: Good
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I never hear a parent admit they are (or were) too embarassed to discuss sex with their children
I admitted it on the forum about a year ago. Of course, my son was only four at the time. We got as far as the fact that his cousin used to be in his aunt's tummy, but I balked when he asked how it got there. He hasn't shown much interest in it since, so maybe next time.

Personally, I feel when a child is old enough to show interest in or ask about those things, they're old enough to know. You wouldn't lie about or hide how their food is digested, would you? Or why they breath? So why is reproduction so taboo?

That might seem to go against my first story, but I was balking because of my own embarassment and inability to break it down at the time, not because I was afraid my son might go off and become a sexual maniac because he found out his ***** has a use besides peeing.

Quote:
that she gets excited at the thought of the newest bratz doll
I found this a little ironic given how the Bratz dolls are all dressed and made up like little Britney Spears clones. You don't think girls are dressing up like that to avoid male attention, do you?

Quote:
was I the only kid in the neighborhood who lusted after Batman
In the fourth grade, I thought Bonnie Tyler was hot. I never got the chance to knock her up though.

Edited, Fri Apr 23 12:28:38 2004 by Jophiel
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#15 Apr 23 2004 at 11:32 AM Rating: Decent
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Talk to your kids about sex when they learn how to read. That's about the right time to give them information about a biological process. If you wait, they're going to figure out on their own or be "educated" by their freinds. They're not going to randomly come talk to you about it.

how many people's parents are aware of their first sexual activity? How many of them have any vague clue about it?

It's not a secret that you can keep from your children to prevent them from having sex. Trust me. Just talk to them, be honest, say "I'd like you to wait untill you find someone you love, but I know that in reailty you're going to **** the first thing that has a warm hole that isn't running away. You're six now, here's how to use a condom."

You'll be happy you did.
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Disclaimer:

To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.

#16 Apr 23 2004 at 11:40 AM Rating: Good
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I agree, Smash. My parents sat me down in fourth grade and provided a discussion on the subject as well as a whole host of pamphlets and short books on reproduction. As corny as that sounds, it was highly effective. It was embarassing as hell for both sides but I came away informed.
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#17 Apr 23 2004 at 11:54 AM Rating: Good
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I think a lot of the reluctance on the part of some parents to talk to their children is the fact that sex is so... raw and animal like. Our society has been trying so hard all these years to basically deny that we have any instincts or urges, that we are above such animal needs.

I know for me, it's much easier to talk to my son about the mentality of being human. It's the physical aspect that totally freaks me out. And yes, I'm this way because it was how I was raised (God love the Bible Belt). I'm trying to overcome it, but it's difficult at times.

I don't want my son thinking sex is dirty, but when on some subconscious level I somewhat believe that it is, it's going to be hard for me to convey that to him.



*Re-reading this... I'm not sure if I made my point clear. Maybe someone will get it, hehe.
#18 Apr 23 2004 at 11:58 AM Rating: Decent
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Quote:

I don't want my son thinking sex is dirty, but when on some subconscious level I somewhat believe that it is, it's going to be hard for me to convey that to him

Just sneak some **** under his pillow with a post-it note explaining your views.
____________________________
Disclaimer:

To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.

#19 Apr 23 2004 at 11:59 AM Rating: Good
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Smasharoo wrote:
Just sneak some **** under his pillow with a post-it note explaining your views.


I actually think his father tried that already...

/sigh
#20 Apr 23 2004 at 12:19 PM Rating: Decent
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Quote:
I was balking because of my own embarassment and inability to break it down at the time, not because I was afraid my son might go off and become a sexual maniac because he found out his ***** has a use besides peeing
Exactly the problem. It's uncomfortable and embarassing for a lot of parents. I'm not saying people are bad parents if they go green at the thought of having "the talk" with their kids. Since we know this is often the case, it's only responsible to then allow the school take care of the teaching of at least the physical realities of sex.

Quote:
children should be taught how to love safely and with respect of others and themselves.
Okay, I'll admit it, because I'm not sure what method the author of this statement is proposing, the wording of it does make me cringe.
#21 Apr 23 2004 at 12:22 PM Rating: Good
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/nod Yanari

That is a weird statement.

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#22 Apr 23 2004 at 1:29 PM Rating: Decent
dont worry for all you parents out there to scared to tell your kids about sex, either they will learn about it from tv or from there friends. if you have a kid 10 or older they already know about sex =)

trust me....
#23 Apr 23 2004 at 1:30 PM Rating: Good
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Trunks is running around, telling them Smiley: eek
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Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#24 Apr 23 2004 at 1:31 PM Rating: Decent
LOL no i dont
#25 Apr 23 2004 at 1:38 PM Rating: Decent
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Trunks only tells them about Gay sex.
#26 Apr 23 2004 at 1:48 PM Rating: Decent
ok tarv thats nasty
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