I think I just became a RepublicanFollow

Believe it or not, once upon a time, I was a civil servant. During that time, I began contributing to the primary retirement plan available to me, TSP. TSP is very similar to a 401k in the private sector.

Anyway, I got my annual report for the previous fiscal year. Actually, I had received and promptly forgotten about the report months ago. Why did I dismiss it for so long? Well, I'd stopped tracking it's performance a while back, mainly because I changed jobs, and was no longer able to make contributions. Out of sight, out of mind. Also, its performance the last few years had been pretty craptastic. It had experienced single digit gains 2 of the last 3 years, and actually lost money one year.

My initial reaction upon opening it and reading its contents was: JEEBSUS!

The 'I Fund', which tracks the 'Morgan Stanley Capital International EAFE Stock Index' was off the frickin' charts. Don't ask me what the fu[i][/i]ck all that means, cuz I have no idea. What I do know is that I had a 37.9% increase in the value of my 'I Fund' portfolio.

As many of you are aware, I've been trying to determine whether or not it was financially feasible for me to purchase that oh so expensive Premium Membership.

Well... seeing as I just had a nearly 40% increase in the value of my nest egg, which brings it up to a whopping $54.23, I think it'd be O.K. to splurge- just this once.

I had a considerable amount of money invested. It's like Christmas, except my father isn't drunk on egg-nog.

Hansel and Gretel had breadcrumbs, cars have Low-Jack, and when I need to find my way back to the sofa, I have our leaky ****.

Uhhhhh... I suppose. I know that whenever I hear the word "Hansel" or "Gretel" the first thing that comes to mind is how much they were coveted.

Was 'Covet' the Word of the Day or something?

I understand the particular definition you were referring to, and I concede that technically you were using it correctly, at least in a denotative sense.

I'm just not sure I've ever seen that particular word, or any word, for that matter, used in such an awkward connotative context.

Perhaps drawing a parallel would help illuminate my point...

"I am nuking some macaroni-n-cheese. I aspire to eat it."

See, although I am not deviating from the correct denotative meaning of the word 'aspire', the connotative meanings attached to the word make it a completely inappropriate choice in the above context.

Don't take it personally. I criticize you only because I think you're worth the trouble. And, seeing as you are clearly a frontrunner in next year's Elections, I'd like to make the competition as interesting as possible, even if it means stripping me of one of my advantages; knowledge of useless rhetorical trivia.

Me too, I'm the exact same way!

For example, instead of saying...

I would have used 'supererogatory'.

See? Great minds think alike, in completely different ways!

Perhaps, but I get brownie points because you can't stick "a very much not needed, smarty-pants sounding word" into a thesaurus.

Wow, I'm impressed. It only took you two 12 posts to prove you can use a thesuarus.

Fishy, I agree. I can't account for Totem's (or Moe's)bewildering right-wing intellectualism. Then again, autistic savant's are really good at counting spilled paper-clips 'n sh[/i]it. Maybe we've stumbled onto some new form of autism...

Fortunately, I [i]can explain gbaji: he's fu[i][/i]cking insane. Seriously. That boy is as confused as a... uh, a... erm... a really confused person!

What do you mean when you say I seem 'too disenfranchised'? I don't think I've ever said anything indicating I've been deprived of my right to vote, so I'm assuming you're referring to the loss of privileges or something, no? Do you mean I seem to be too poor? God, I hope my trailer-park upbringing isn't finding it's way into my posts. That would be embarassing.

I know I said I used to be a civil servant, but sheesh! Some of those guys make upwards of 17,000 a year! With 20 hours overtime a week, you can break 20k, easy!