Jokes of the day 4-5-04Follow

Secretaries Powell and Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, “Isn’t that Powell and Rumsfeld?”
The barkeep says, “Yep, that’s them.”

So, the guy walks over to the two and says, “Hello, what are you guys doing?”

Rumsfeld says, “We’re planning World War III,” to which the guy replies, “Really? What’s going to happen?”

Rumsfeld says, “Well, we’re going to kill 10 million Afghans and one bicycle repairman.”

And the guy exclaims, “Why are you going to kill a bicycle repairman!?!”

With that, Rumsfeld turns to Powell and says, “See, I told you no one would care about the 10 million Afghans!”

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A husband walks out of the bathroom naked, and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, “I have a headache.”

“Perfect.” her husband said. “I was just in the bathroom powdering my ***** with asprin. You can take it orally or as a suppository. It’s up to you!”

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A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his ***** in the mommy’s ******. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s ***** in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

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A married couple is driving down the interstate at 55 mph with the husband behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce.”

The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.

She then says, “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you.” Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels.

She says, “I want the house.” Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.

She says, “I want the kids too.” The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he's up to 80 mph.

She says, “I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too.”

The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, “Is there anything you want?”

The husband says, “No, I’ve got everything I need right here.“

She asks, “What’s that?”

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, “I’ve got the airbag.”