Jokes of the Day 4-2-04Follow

Well we just got internet back up and running here after we moved the office. sory for no jokes....

Back in the saddle again though...

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A man gets home, screeches his car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of his lungs, “Honey,pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!”

The wife says,“Ohmigod! No ****?! What should I pack,beach stuff or mountain stuff?”

The husband yells back,“It doesn’t matter… just get the hell out!”

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A masked man walks into a bank with a gun, and says, “ Put your hands up!”
The girl replies “This is not a real bank. this is a sperm bank.” He says “I know. Open that door up and take out one of those bottles and drink one.” She does and the man takes off his mask, and the girl realizes it’s her husband. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”he says.

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A guy out on the golf course took a high-speed ball right to the nuts. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground. When he finally got himself to the doctor, he asked,“How bad is it, Doc? I’m going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancé is still a virgin.”

The doctor said, “I’ll have to put your ***** in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay in about two weeks.” Then the doctor took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.

The guy mentioned none of this to his girl and the two got married. On their honeymoon night, she opened her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts and told him, “You’ll be the first; no one has ever touched these before.”

The new bridegroom dropped his pants and said, “Look at this — it’s still in the crate!”

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There was a couple who were married for 20 years, and every time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him of the crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of doing it, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a *****.

She gets completely upset, and screams, “You impotent *******,” she screamed at him, “how could you be lying to me all of these years. You better explain yourself!”

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says, calmly, “I’ll explain the ***** if you can explain our three kids.”