I'm expecting it any day now. After tonight, I know it's coming. And for one of the few times in my life, I am terrified. And I have good cause to be...I've seen it before.
It's to the point where I don't want to go over to his house anymore. But I know that me being there at least gives him pause. When I'm there though, I'm on edge. When I'm not there I'm on edge. And this is a guy that used to be the most laid back person I ever knew. Me and his family have been friends for years. He's like a little brother. And now it makes me nervous to be around him.
I'm not worried about him going off on me. Hell, I'd rather him take his anger out on me. At least that way, I wouldn't have to worry about getting a phone call from Lori's cousin, or having her come to where I work with her face busted up. I know it's coming, I've seen this **** before.
I've tried to tell her what is going to happen, and I always get the "He loves me, he'd never hit me" line. Riiiiight. The holes in the walls, the shattered windows in the house, and tonight, the back window of a car shattered out with a ball bat. If that's love, leave me the hell out. I know she sees it, but I cannot for the life of me figure out why she won't realize that it IS going to happen.
And when it does happen, I don't know what I am going to do. Beating the living **** out of him would feel great, (You don't hit women. Ever. People like that are the bottom of the food chain, the scum of the earth.) I know that he would just take it out on her. But I know that just sitting back and waiting for it to happen is pretty damn low on my part as well.
So, anybody got any ideas? I'm about to head off to sleep, I'll check the boards before I go over there today. Later people.
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Dude, I know how you feel. I went through that sh*t with my sis and an ex of her's.
Things like this are a touchy situation. No matter what you do he's going to hate you, and she'll resent you for getting in her business. Initially anyway, after the humiliation wears off she'll thank you to no ends.
My first thought would be an intervention. Does he abuse drugs or alcohol or the like? If so, that might be a possible reason. Unfortunately, I don't think there is anything legal that can be done until it becomes a CDV case.
I wish you all the best on this one bro. Sh*t like this can and does get awfully complicated.
Things like this are a touchy situation. No matter what you do he's going to hate you, and she'll resent you for getting in her business. Initially anyway, after the humiliation wears off she'll thank you to no ends.
My first thought would be an intervention. Does he abuse drugs or alcohol or the like? If so, that might be a possible reason. Unfortunately, I don't think there is anything legal that can be done until it becomes a CDV case.
I wish you all the best on this one bro. Sh*t like this can and does get awfully complicated.
Simple. Call the cops. A few nights in the clink might be just the wake up call he needs. And if he does hit her anyways and the cops can't do anything, shoot him in the crotch a few times with a .45 and claim temporary insanity.
Women that stay with men who hit them ususally do so because they are emotionally, physically or financially dependent. I would work on those in the long-term. In the short term, I know he hasn't hit her yet, but who even wants to be around a man who can't reason through his anger and has to constantly break things to feel some degree of control?
Aside from the possible beating is the very real property damage, the very real inability of this man to cope with high emotion, and therefore with life. If she can't grasp this from sheer intuition, it's just impossible for you or anyone to explain, and she has to be the one to say that she won't put up with his behavior.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/spousal_abuse.htm
Aside from the possible beating is the very real property damage, the very real inability of this man to cope with high emotion, and therefore with life. If she can't grasp this from sheer intuition, it's just impossible for you or anyone to explain, and she has to be the one to say that she won't put up with his behavior.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/spousal_abuse.htm
These situations are simply ugly to be around. I don't know any way a person on the outside can convince a victim of domestic abuse to leave a situation like that.
It's like trying to convince an alcaholic to stop drinking. They may nod, aggree and even thank you for your love and concern, but the situation won't change until they make the decision (and take steps) to change it.
Sometimes it takes years.
Atomicflea put up a good link. Has your lady friend (whatever your relationship is) ever read any of this information? Perhaps it would help her to begin to see her current situation in a different light.
Domestic abuse hotlines are available in many areas. She should keep those numbers (disguised of course) on hand, or commit one to memory.
Aside from convincing either of them to seek outside help, I don't know what else you can do. You can not control this situation.
It's like trying to convince an alcaholic to stop drinking. They may nod, aggree and even thank you for your love and concern, but the situation won't change until they make the decision (and take steps) to change it.
Sometimes it takes years.
Atomicflea put up a good link. Has your lady friend (whatever your relationship is) ever read any of this information? Perhaps it would help her to begin to see her current situation in a different light.
Domestic abuse hotlines are available in many areas. She should keep those numbers (disguised of course) on hand, or commit one to memory.
Aside from convincing either of them to seek outside help, I don't know what else you can do. You can not control this situation.
I think the Dead Milkmen put it best with...
"Gonna beat my wife.
Gonna beat her with a lead pipe.
Gonna beat her with a 2x4
Runn her over with a lawn mower.
Gonna beat my wife."
But, then again, this may go in the "Best Band" thread.
/shrug
EDIT: By the way, my cousins had an interesting way of dealing with a guy who hit their sister. They had seen The Godfather one too many times and layed the beating of his life on this guy. Broke both his legs, several ribs, his jaw and fractured his skull at his right eye. He hasn't layed a finger on my cousin since.
Edited, Tue Mar 30 11:14:45 2004 by MoebiusLord
"Gonna beat my wife.
Gonna beat her with a lead pipe.
Gonna beat her with a 2x4
Runn her over with a lawn mower.
Gonna beat my wife."
But, then again, this may go in the "Best Band" thread.
/shrug
EDIT: By the way, my cousins had an interesting way of dealing with a guy who hit their sister. They had seen The Godfather one too many times and layed the beating of his life on this guy. Broke both his legs, several ribs, his jaw and fractured his skull at his right eye. He hasn't layed a finger on my cousin since.
Edited, Tue Mar 30 11:14:45 2004 by MoebiusLord
Quote:
EDIT: By the way, my cousins had an interesting way of dealing with a guy who hit their sister. They had seen The Godfather one too many times and layed the beating of his life on this guy. Broke both his legs, several ribs, his jaw and fractured his skull at his right eye. He hasn't layed a finger on my cousin since.
Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire so I would agree with the above. Striking a woman for any reason is a bad idea, the other day a couple people in my store where "playing" when my friend told him to stop three times and he didn't I kicked his *** out. Lucky for him he left the store before I got over the counter top. - The butt wipe actually threatened to sue me. All I could was laugh at him.
Probably a meaningless story to your topic but had I needed to beat the guys *** to make him stop I would have.
Having been, there I know most women wait far too long before leaving an abusive relationship. All you can do sometimes, is offer her support and let her know that if she wants to get away from him, you be there to help her.
Sometimes women actually know we are being abused, but too scare of what He'll do if we try leaving. A local support group that can help if a woman and children need to get out and hide for their safety can offer you alot of advice we can't over the internet.
Elne
Sometimes women actually know we are being abused, but too scare of what He'll do if we try leaving. A local support group that can help if a woman and children need to get out and hide for their safety can offer you alot of advice we can't over the internet.
Elne
In the place of a Dark Lord you would have a Queen! Not dark but beautiful and terrible as the Morn! Treacherous as the Seas! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love me and despair! -ElneClare
This Post is written in Elnese, If it was an actual Post, it would make sense.
This Post is written in Elnese, If it was an actual Post, it would make sense.
Putting on my professional jacket and tie and brushing off the MSW counseling degree and the school year I spent In helping victims of abuse get protection orders. Random thoughts as there is not enough info to be specific.
YOU cant do a thing. Assault him and you go to jail not him.
The cycle of abuse normally goes like this.
Anger and yelling, threats, broken items, then violence on person.
Make up and contrition, new honeymoon period where the abused is doted on untill a gradual build up to a new violent episode.
Maybe he will stop short of hitting her, some abusers only destroy property.
It is her decision to stay or go. Refer both of them to anger management, help her with her self image that allows her to stay with this dangerous situation. Some women thrive over the tension, some are martyrs who will save the man, some have seen other women abused and may think it's normal.
Does he have a past history of abuse and hitting his girlfriends? Find one to talk to the current one. Most Importantly he may not be the villian some folks may want him to be. He learned the violence from someone, so who abused him? Or who did he see abusing women?
You cant talk to her she is too much "IN LOVE" and the make up sex can be very hot. Can you talk to him if you used to be friends. WHY is he angry, does he even know?
The only thing to do is remain calm yourself. If you see him becoming violent you may ask "Why are you acting this way?"
But you are not responsible for his or her behavior.
YOU cant do a thing. Assault him and you go to jail not him.
The cycle of abuse normally goes like this.
Anger and yelling, threats, broken items, then violence on person.
Make up and contrition, new honeymoon period where the abused is doted on untill a gradual build up to a new violent episode.
Maybe he will stop short of hitting her, some abusers only destroy property.
It is her decision to stay or go. Refer both of them to anger management, help her with her self image that allows her to stay with this dangerous situation. Some women thrive over the tension, some are martyrs who will save the man, some have seen other women abused and may think it's normal.
Does he have a past history of abuse and hitting his girlfriends? Find one to talk to the current one. Most Importantly he may not be the villian some folks may want him to be. He learned the violence from someone, so who abused him? Or who did he see abusing women?
You cant talk to her she is too much "IN LOVE" and the make up sex can be very hot. Can you talk to him if you used to be friends. WHY is he angry, does he even know?
The only thing to do is remain calm yourself. If you see him becoming violent you may ask "Why are you acting this way?"
But you are not responsible for his or her behavior.
Quote:
and the make up sex can be very hot.
Thanks for the link Flea, I'll try to get her to read it. Not sure if it is going to any good at this point though. Untill he puts her in the hospital...she just isn't going to wisen up.
Figured this out this yesterday. Now, he's scared of me. The mere threat of violence seems to have him spooked.
Nice one Kao. Similar to what I told him.
Already talked this one over with the cops actually. As long as we are alone, it's my word against his. And I'm friends with some of the cops here.
Remain calm. Alright, I'll come over there and beat the **** out of one of your friends, and see how calm you remain. And I'll ask him that question, as I am bringing ole Louis around for another hit. "It's a two ball homerun!"
Quote:
No matter what you do he's going to hate you
Figured this out this yesterday. Now, he's scared of me. The mere threat of violence seems to have him spooked.
Quote:
shoot him in the crotch a few times with a .45 and claim temporary insanity
Nice one Kao. Similar to what I told him.
Quote:
YOU cant do a thing. Assault him and you go to jail not him.
Quote:
The only thing to do is remain calm yourself. If you see him becoming violent you may ask "Why are you acting this way?"
Remain calm. Alright, I'll come over there and beat the **** out of one of your friends, and see how calm you remain. And I'll ask him that question, as I am bringing ole Louis around for another hit. "It's a two ball homerun!"
I understand your protectiveness and your reactions, Selfish. I had this guy stalk my sister for a while... he did cute things like threaten to beat the **** out of her and that was it for me. All I could think to do was threaten him with everything I had in me-hurt, cops, whatever. Thank God this kid had a rap sheet and some "illegal goings-on" that made it easier for me, but my mother and I also sat my sister down and let her know in no uncertain terms that not only was she being irresponsible towards her own safety, but towards the entire family's and our feelings for her. This isn't happening just to her, no matter what she may think.
Atomic Flea
Makeup sex being hot, and the "honeymoon" period of gift giving and lavished attention between violent episode is ONE of the factors that keep SOME people in abusive relationships.
Read up on some studies about domestic violence.
That is why I mentioned it. Yes the degree did me well.
Edited, Wed Mar 31 09:58:44 2004 by Jonwin
Makeup sex being hot, and the "honeymoon" period of gift giving and lavished attention between violent episode is ONE of the factors that keep SOME people in abusive relationships.
Read up on some studies about domestic violence.
That is why I mentioned it. Yes the degree did me well.
Edited, Wed Mar 31 09:58:44 2004 by Jonwin
i think kaolians got it right. as loving and pure as his nature is when he's calm, its the other nature you have to fight. and you can't fight that yourself...its driven by pride and the desire to ensure someone is inferior to them when the rampage starts. the only way you can handle this is to let the law take care of it...otherwise someones going to get hurt..always.
get the law involved..thats the first wake up call and he'll be forced to undergo councilling in most cases if it goes beyond that. he may hate you at first, but he'll come around once he realizes what he is.
make sure that your sure about it though. you jump the gun and you could create a monster too.
get the law involved..thats the first wake up call and he'll be forced to undergo councilling in most cases if it goes beyond that. he may hate you at first, but he'll come around once he realizes what he is.
make sure that your sure about it though. you jump the gun and you could create a monster too.
Quote:
By the way, my cousins had an interesting way of dealing with a guy who hit their sister. They had seen The Godfather one too many times and layed the beating of his life on this guy. Broke both his legs, several ribs, his jaw and fractured his skull at his right eye.
eh, they were probably spanked as children.
---DK
just kidding, btw. don't mean to make light of a serious topic.
I am just going to re-affirm what others have said since I also share their view. You will be hated for doing something about it both by him and her. Both of them will view you as interferring in their private lives. However, I also agree that eventually she will thank you for it. One way or another the abuse needs to come to an end, whether you yourself can stop it or you have to bring the police into it.
Trying to reslove the violence against her by beating the tar out of the abuser is definetly not the best way to solve the problem, as this will probably just make the situation worse.
The woman in question sounds like she seriously needs someone to talk to, I would suggest seeking the help of a councelor. If she has let this happen to her for quite awhile, then her self-esteem is probably very very low. Hell, after enough abuse some end up feeling that they deserve the abuse. So she really needs someone trained with this type of thing to talk to, to help her work thru her self-esteem issues.
The man in question definetly needs counciling. It may be very difficult to get this point across unless it is court ordered however. If he really cares about her he will seek help for his rage problem.
Make sure that she knows the abuse is not HER fault. That is comes because of HIS weakness and problems. On a side note, are there any children involved in the relationship, because that would bring this into a whole new area.
Edited, Wed Mar 31 11:14:59 2004 by KalailEvenstar
Trying to reslove the violence against her by beating the tar out of the abuser is definetly not the best way to solve the problem, as this will probably just make the situation worse.
The woman in question sounds like she seriously needs someone to talk to, I would suggest seeking the help of a councelor. If she has let this happen to her for quite awhile, then her self-esteem is probably very very low. Hell, after enough abuse some end up feeling that they deserve the abuse. So she really needs someone trained with this type of thing to talk to, to help her work thru her self-esteem issues.
The man in question definetly needs counciling. It may be very difficult to get this point across unless it is court ordered however. If he really cares about her he will seek help for his rage problem.
Make sure that she knows the abuse is not HER fault. That is comes because of HIS weakness and problems. On a side note, are there any children involved in the relationship, because that would bring this into a whole new area.
Edited, Wed Mar 31 11:14:59 2004 by KalailEvenstar
Quote:
Trying to reslove the violence against her by beating the tar out of the abuser is definetly not the best way to solve the problem, as this will probably just make the situation worse.
Meh, I guess it just depends on where you're coming from. A man aware that consequences for his actions will extend well beyond anything a court can do to him is a whole lot less likely to hit a woman where I come from. Knowing that there are people out there who would not give a second thought to leaving you a brain dead vegetable sipping nutrition through a straw can have a stirring effect on an individual.
EDIT: The biggest problem is that too many people these days don't have the seeds necessary to put a beat down on someone. We used to understand the imperative as a society to address issues in a timely and measured way.
Edited, Wed Mar 31 11:50:47 2004 by MoebiusLord
Quote:
Atomic Flea
Makeup sex being hot, and the "honeymoon" period of gift giving and lavished attention between violent episode is ONE of the factors that keep SOME people in abusive relationships.
Makeup sex being hot, and the "honeymoon" period of gift giving and lavished attention between violent episode is ONE of the factors that keep SOME people in abusive relationships.
Empyre wrote:
...otherwise someones going to get hurt..
That's the general idea. You catch on quick.
I made that point VERY clear to him last night. You hit her again, and I am going put you in the hospital. A grave is too good for you right now.
He's been a f'ucking angel all day. For his sake, it better be for good.
Moe wrote:
The biggest problem is that too many people these days don't have the seeds necessary to put a beat down on someone. We used to understand the imperative as a society to address issues in a timely and measured way.
Moe, next time I am in your area, drinks are on me.
Flea wrote:
all I was implying is that for Selfish's sake, you might not want to put that picture (hot sex) in there in addition to all the other violent thoughts that seem to running around
It's cool Flea. Doesn't bother me really, never have thought of the girl in any kind of sexual way. Hell, I've heard worse stories about thier sex life out of her. She is just a damn good friend, kinda like a little sister. But cool. ;)
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