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As per Totems Request...... Jokes of the Day!!!Follow

#1 Mar 12 2004 at 3:47 PM Rating: Good
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5,492 posts
Ok here you are totem. ill start posting them for ya again.

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After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough. So, the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn’t want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Alabamian said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest man, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.”

So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both learned physicians couldn’t be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb, and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. “1, 2, 3, 4, 5…”, at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand…

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A man and his wife go to the site of their honeymoon for their 25th anniversary. As the couple is reflecting on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asks the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”

The husband replies, “All I wanted to do was **** your brains out and suck your tits dry.”

“What are you thinking now?” the wife asks as she undresses.

The husband quickly replies: “It looks like I did a pretty good job.”

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A woman’s husband comes home hammered every night and she always yells at him before going to bed alone.

One day she decides to try some reverse psychology. When her husband staggers in that night, she’s waiting for him in her best lingerie. She sits him in an armchair and gives him a backrub.

“It’s getting late, big boy,” she says after a few minutes. “Why don’t we go upstairs to bed.”

“We might as well,” slurs the husband. “I’m going to be in trouble when I get home, anyway.”

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A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, “Can I help you, sir?”

“Yesssh! Sssshomebody ssshtole my car!” the man replies.

The cop asks, “Where was your car the last time you saw it?”

“It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!” the man replies. About this time the cop looks down to see that the man’s diddle is hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.

He asks the man, “Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?”

The man looks down woefully and without missing a beat, moans “Ohhh, God...they got my girlfriend too!”

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#2 Mar 12 2004 at 3:56 PM Rating: Excellent
#3 Mar 12 2004 at 3:59 PM Rating: Good
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5,492 posts
#4 Mar 12 2004 at 4:05 PM Rating: Decent
An Irish Confession

"Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose
woman."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"

"Yes, Father, it is.

"And, who was the woman you were with?"

"Sure and I can't be tellin' you Father. I don't want to ruin
her reputation."

"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you
may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Patricia Kelly?"

"I cannot say".

"Was it Liz Shannon?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Morgan?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you"

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad,
Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. Bur you've
sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend church
mass for three months. Be off with you now."

Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over
and whispers "what'd you get?"

"Three months vacation and five good leads."
#5 Mar 12 2004 at 7:55 PM Rating: Excellent
#6 Mar 12 2004 at 8:46 PM Rating: Good
*****
16,160 posts
/thumbs up

You rock, Aadynn! Now it's time for me to go tell my wife those jokes...

Totem
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