So I come to find out last night that one of our close family friends, this guy that we've asssociated with Christ in the purest sense of the word, someone who has never judged a soul or said a harsh word, never cursed, sat with me on Sept. 11 when my family was in DC, been a shoulder to cry on and one of the last truly pure souls (so we thought)....
Is in jail, accused of exposing himself to young girls. He has a brand-new wife and son, who swears he is innocent but they found hard evidence linking him to the crimes, plus he was identified in a lineup. I can't reconcile this with the person I know, and it sucks.
Goddamnit.
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Doh, That sucks very badly. Maybe it will turn out alright in the end?
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Doh, That sucks very badly
Nice choice of words.
Sometime even the purest people in the world have inner demons that they cannot reconsile within themselves.
Often it is the shame of thier inner desires that they cannot escape from that motivates them to be cleaner than clean on the outside. But alas it seams your friend has fallen from is pedastool.
Try not to judge him too harshly if he is as you discribe him he will be torn in two with guilt which is punishment enough if not physical harm has been done.
He will ned all the support he can get if he is to come to terms with himself and make sure it NEVER happens again.
Often it is the shame of thier inner desires that they cannot escape from that motivates them to be cleaner than clean on the outside. But alas it seams your friend has fallen from is pedastool.
Try not to judge him too harshly if he is as you discribe him he will be torn in two with guilt which is punishment enough if not physical harm has been done.
He will ned all the support he can get if he is to come to terms with himself and make sure it NEVER happens again.
Tarv, I'm with you almost 100% but the thing is, ask any shrink and they'll tell you that pedophilia is like a giant snowball at the top of a steep hill. Behavior escalates in a pretty traditional pattern, and once commenced there is nothing short of old age or impotence that will stop it. The part of me that has studied this in preparation for being a counselor knows this, the part of me that is his friend, wants to be supportive...is still in denial, I think...
He's exhibited behaviors before that make me think (NOW) that he was sliding into this, and I never even noticed. At the time I thought it was just his religious beliefs making him feel insecure about his sexual urges...
Edited, Fri Feb 20 09:14:31 2004 by Atomicflea
He's exhibited behaviors before that make me think (NOW) that he was sliding into this, and I never even noticed. At the time I thought it was just his religious beliefs making him feel insecure about his sexual urges...
Edited, Fri Feb 20 09:14:31 2004 by Atomicflea
Patrician wrote:
Quote:
Doh, That sucks very badly
Nice choice of words.
Unintentional.
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ask any shrink and they'll tell you that pedophilia is like a giant snowball at the top of a steep hill.
That because shrinks on treat the people who for one reason or another have not been able to resist the urges or stop themselves after an incident that may or may not be public.
ask yourself in return how many paedophiles would have never got to that stage if while in the very early stages they had been caught and recieved a huge shock to the system.
But you know this person and i do not so i will bow to your greater knowlage of him and the situation.
The unfortunate side effect of man’s fallibility is that people on pedestals, regardless of how hi or low, generally disappoint. I can, unfortunately, empathize far too much. Our illusions are the things that keep us feeling safe and tucked in at night. When those are shot, for whatever reason, it’s tough to bounce back from. For your own piece of mind, allow him to be human, with all the faults that it entails, even for a righteous man.
You have my deepest sympathy, Flea.
You have my deepest sympathy, Flea.
Kao- I feel ya, bra.
Tarv- The thing is, you have to exhibit the behavior to have it be caught, and once you begin exhibiting it you have already started rolling down the hill. Catch 22, treatment-wise. Once caught, medication to decrease testosterone and kill their libido will usually work, as long as they keep up with the treatment. Most people that exhibit a paraphilia will not seek treatment unless trapped into it, so great is the pleasure from the deviant act. All this said, though, if the behavior is sporadic it could be an expression of frustration, loneliness, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia...
Moe- Thanks, man. That was pretty much the perfect thing to say.
Tarv- The thing is, you have to exhibit the behavior to have it be caught, and once you begin exhibiting it you have already started rolling down the hill. Catch 22, treatment-wise. Once caught, medication to decrease testosterone and kill their libido will usually work, as long as they keep up with the treatment. Most people that exhibit a paraphilia will not seek treatment unless trapped into it, so great is the pleasure from the deviant act. All this said, though, if the behavior is sporadic it could be an expression of frustration, loneliness, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia...
Moe- Thanks, man. That was pretty much the perfect thing to say.
The Glorious Atomicflea wrote:
accused of exposing himself to young girls.
Exhibitionism is self centered and annoying but rather none-aggressive. Child abuse or sexual acts of violence are triggered by the wish to demonstrate power/have power over someone else and these kind of people grab their victimes and do their freaky stuff at some hidden place while Exhibitionist put themselves at risk publicly thus unable demonstrating superiority.
Also they tend to show themselves to minors (and elder ladys) mostly because of less risk being kicked in their ******** or worse than because of favouring little girls.
As frightening as it may be, it is a fact that voyerism -which we all do share to some extent - leads easier and more often to rape than exhibitionism. The later is just more spectacular than someone watching snuff movies in his own living room unnoticed by his neighbors.
Edited, Fri Feb 20 10:55:35 2004 by Leiany
Leiany wrote:
Exhibitionism is self centered and annoying but rather none-aggressive
I would disagree with this statement. Exposure is often a stepping stone to greater sexual release - most often achieved by kicking it up a notch and molesting or raping other people. Now, before you get your knickers in a twist, not everyone is assuredly a sexual predator when they expose themselves to others, but they are a sexual deviant by societal standards. Deviancy is not usually satiated by one or two flashes. It is a problem that very often escalates.
I would argue that many people that have been flashed are rather threatened by it, because it is meant to be a threatening act, not just an act of ego. I am sorry for you Flea; that's rough. However, like many others I would suggest that you try to grapple with the complexities and pressures of being human and animal in relation to how you feel about this person. We have created a societal model by which to be human is to negate those most primal urges, IMO, and you can imagine what it must be like to try and live day-to-day in within that model, when your internal urges betray it.
What's bred in the bone will not out of the flesh.
If Smasharoo had his way, this guy'd be able to marry all those girls he showed his WiggleStick (tm) to and suffer no consequences.
Ooops. Cheap shot. Wrong thread. Bad taste. All of the above.
Totem
Ooops. Cheap shot. Wrong thread. Bad taste. All of the above.
Totem
"Hard" evidence?!?
0.o
Totem
0.o
Totem
Totem, bad taste would still indicate a quantity of taste, and in this case I don't think that applies.
True dat. I'm better now, I think about his wife and his kid and I know my feelings are tertiary at best, and certainly not important in the grand scheme of things, seeing as he might go to jail for quite a while, especially if he can't overcome his urges and continues to do this (found out today it's his second offense).
I know that the person I know isn't wholly made up, that he existed, and I can only trust that his true goodness can outlive and outshine his fallacies, even if it's only in my memory.
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Deviancy is not usually satiated by one or two flashes. It is a problem that very often escalates.
True dat. I'm better now, I think about his wife and his kid and I know my feelings are tertiary at best, and certainly not important in the grand scheme of things, seeing as he might go to jail for quite a while, especially if he can't overcome his urges and continues to do this (found out today it's his second offense).
I know that the person I know isn't wholly made up, that he existed, and I can only trust that his true goodness can outlive and outshine his fallacies, even if it's only in my memory.
I had a neighbor once, in his late 20's, that was wonderful, good family man, good to his kids and others, really nice, helpful. Everybody thought he was super. Then he got picked up in a nearby city for trying to rape a cop dressed as an elderly lady, a sting. They charged him with a number of counts of raping women, all over 60. Truly weird. His friends were probably safe because we were too young, but it gives you a very insecure feeling, because you feel you should have sensed something or somehow known. His poor wife was devastated.
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