Top ten Annoyances and some food for thoughtFollow

Some of these made me giggle....and don't ***** at me if you've see it already.



1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their **** to search the
entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to
the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too"...F*cking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look"... Of
course it is. Why the f*ck would you keep looking after you've
found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see
that?"... No ******, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f*cking floor.

6. When something is 'new and improved!'... Which is it? If it's
new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an
improvement, then there must have been something before it.

7. When people say "life is short"... What the f*ck?? Life is
the longest damn thing anyone ever f*cking does!! What can you do that's longer?

8. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the
bus come yet?"... If the bus came would I be standing here, Kn*b head?

9. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used
to be'. So what did they used to be? Ears? Wellington boots?


10. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if
you don't insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering..... It has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank
looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f*cking McTosser.

Did you ever stop and wonder................................

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever
comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there...
I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote from the Road Runner had enough money to buy
all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he
gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

and don't we all just know some people like that

Actually Smash, it was Billy Connolly and I never claimed to write it, jackass. You are smrt, though. Wow. You might wanna re-read that part where I said, don't ***** at me if you've seen it before. Just move along, for the love of Jeff.





Edited, Fri Feb 13 17:08:28 2004 by Tare

Aww, Darkflame, I would never laugh at you for not knowing the finer nuances of British slang! ******=************** who pulls it a lot...

i read that with a 'Dennis Leary' slant an it was funny, but there is something about a scottish accent that improves any joke by 50% and i will have to try and find the tape of this.

Billy Connelly: <turns to man in audiance heckling him>

'Don't tell me how to do my job, do i come around to your works and tell you how to sweep up?'

Well Dalliance, that makes two of us. I guess our American minds are just too far in the gutter.