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I am deathly afraid of Betty Boop.Follow
Why?
My sister is madley in love with Betty, I don't know why, over the years she has collected Betty Boop posters, statues, and movies nearly religiously. Well one year my father decided to purchase my sister a 4 foot high Betty Boop end table (Shown here, this is the exact same one) Well my sister moved around alot, and over time somehow this Betty Boop wound up in my possesion.
So for several years this Betty Boop sat in my closet, plotting it's revenge against a world that cursed it with such a miss matched body. A few months ago a ex-girlfriend "discovered" it sitting in one of my closests, and moved it into my room. I really didn't mind, it's just a statue, I soon learned the error in misjudging my oponent. I don't know why, but as soon as this cursed icon was moved into my room I began having nightmares, I would awake in the middle of the night and see nothing but those two big white eyes staring at me through the darkness. It would startle the hell out of me, I would even cry out in a half asleep halucinigentic state. It was decide, Mrs. Boop had to get the **** out of my room or I would never sleep again.
Her second location was right next to my door, a plausable spot because I could leave my keys on her as I came in. Until "The incident" I was comming home from a late night class one day completley forgeting I had moved Betty a week earlier, I enter my house, and my arm brushed across her little table. I looked down and was horrified to see a scandelously clad midget with a freakeshly large head staring up at me at 1:00 in the morning. I did what anyone would do I freaked out, while valently defending myself from this freak of nature I accidently broke her tray off. The next day, as she was ill equiped to cater to my keys I moved her to her present location.
Straight out in front of me as soon as I enter my house, she has been there for about a month and still everytime I walk in and see her staring at me I jump a little.
The worst part is the statue has me EXACTLY where it wants me, phase 1: Planting the seeds of paranioa are over. Now begins Phase 2: Pushing Mrens over the edge. Phase 3 is my death, but i'll be damned if I let the ***** live that long. My fear has fueled her rebirth, at night she comes to life and tries to enter my room, I can hear her trying to reach my doorknob at night, occasionaly I can find paint scuff marks right below my door. Somethimes I find her in the kitchen the same scuff marks on the drawer where I keep my knifes.
I don't know what to do, I can't kill it, my sister would be upset. I can't let it kill me, it would make me upset.
Your sick Tare. Sick and twisted (no pun intended).
Jophiel wrote:
I managed to be both retarded and entertaining.
We've only just beguuuuun...
What's bred in the bone will not out of the flesh.
Mrens, I agree with you whole heartedly. Give me your coordinates and a tactical Tomahawk strike will soon be on its way. Or, baring that, I know where you can hire a cool hit man.
Mrens wrote:
I don't know what to do, I can't kill it, my sister would be upset. I can't let it kill me, it would make me upset.
Here's what you do. You arrange it so betty is dressed in a hooded sweashirt and jogging pants, then mount her to a remote controlled car chasis. Take the contraption to a neighborhood of ill repute, then drive it up and down the street, simulating a women jogging alone, until someone attacks. Video tape the whole thing. The attacker will most likely destroy betty after discovering that she is not what he was expecting. Turn in the video tape to the police cnn, and fox. when the reporters from both news companies show up, describe how betty gave her life protecting you from the would be assailant. be sure to mention her "sacrifice" putting special emphasis on how you feel that getting another betty boop would be an insult to her memory, then offer to set up a memorial charity to help the victems of Michael jackson.
At this point, the cnn and fox reporters will turn on one another. After the brawl, the story will be aired on both networks and will be continually blown out of proportion until no one really remembers what happened.
After Jackson buys off the legal system, take the charity money and invest it in offshore oil. Use the interest money to build a house in which betty boop would completely ruin the decorating scheme.
Then nuke Zimbabwe. It's the only way to be sure...
Or you could just rent her out as a waitress?
Or just sell her to your local neighborhood pimp. After 2 months of whoring her out to men (and women) with statue fetishes it'll break that conniving ****** for sure!
Some people are like slinkies, they aren't really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
You could try calling your sister and telling her that you're shipping her the damn thing and ask that she send $$$ for the charges. If she doesn't want it, take it outside, hack it to bits and burn it. Easy!
Short of destruction (a lsedgehammer is always a good tool for working out stress) I can give 2 options:
Send her back to sis (though she might be upset that you broke the tray off)
Stuff her back in the closet (Betty, not your sis)
Send her back to sis (though she might be upset that you broke the tray off)
Stuff her back in the closet (Betty, not your sis)
publiusvarus wrote:
we all know liberals are well adjusted american citizens who only want what's best for society. While conservatives are evil money grubbing scum who only want to sh*t on the little man and rob the world of its resources.
I love the people offering real advice in a thread which I claim Betty Boop is trying to kill me.
I thought maybe she already had...
I still am a strong proponant of pimping her out though.
No. I do not have the statue fetish I mentioned.
Pssst, can you FedEx her to me, I'll send her back, promise.
I still am a strong proponant of pimping her out though.
No. I do not have the statue fetish I mentioned.
Pssst, can you FedEx her to me, I'll send her back, promise.
Dread Lord Kaolian wrote:
Here's what you do. You arrange it so betty is dressed in a hooded sweashirt and jogging pants, then mount her to a remote controlled car chasis. Take the contraption to a neighborhood of ill repute, then drive it up and down the street, simulating a women jogging alone, until someone attacks. Video tape the whole thing. The attacker will most likely destroy betty after discovering that she is not what he was expecting. Turn in the video tape to the police cnn, and fox. when the reporters from both news companies show up, describe how betty gave her life protecting you from the would be assailant. be sure to mention her "sacrifice" putting special emphasis on how you feel that getting another betty boop would be an insult to her memory, then offer to set up a memorial charity to help the victems of Michael jackson.
At this point, the cnn and fox reporters will turn on one another. After the brawl, the story will be aired on both networks and will be continually blown out of proportion until no one really remembers what happened.
After Jackson buys off the legal system, take the charity money and invest it in offshore oil. Use the interest money to build a house in which betty boop would completely ruin the decorating scheme.
Then nuke Zimbabwe. It's the only way to be sure...
At this point, the cnn and fox reporters will turn on one another. After the brawl, the story will be aired on both networks and will be continually blown out of proportion until no one really remembers what happened.
After Jackson buys off the legal system, take the charity money and invest it in offshore oil. Use the interest money to build a house in which betty boop would completely ruin the decorating scheme.
Then nuke Zimbabwe. It's the only way to be sure...
Kao, you have entirely too much free time on your hands. Nice little story though -=)
Jophiel wrote:
I managed to be both retarded and entertaining.
Quote:
I love the people offering real advice in a thread which I claim Betty Boop is trying to kill me.
Great story, Mrens! Nice to see ya around again!
Tare - I went to the link and clicked on it to the actual website. I placed an order for the "Dude, Your Mom is Hot" T-shirts...
http://www.popfunk.com/images/products/standard/GS227.jpg
"Stacy's mom,
has got it going on..."
Tare - I went to the link and clicked on it to the actual website. I placed an order for the "Dude, Your Mom is Hot" T-shirts...
http://www.popfunk.com/images/products/standard/GS227.jpg
"Stacy's mom,
has got it going on..."
'Lo, there do I see, the line of my people, back to the beginning, 'lo do they call to me, they bid me take my place among them, in the halls of Valhalla, where the brave...may live...forever.
X-Box 360 Gamer Tag - Smogster
X-Box 360 Gamer Tag - Smogster
Good stuff, Smoggy. You'll be the most popular kid in school with that on. 
What's bred in the bone will not out of the flesh.
Mren, go to your local library and grab a Clive Barker book called The Books of Blood: Volume One. Inside, beginning on page 53, is a short work of fiction called "The Yattering and Jack." Read this story, memorize it, shout it to the heavens.
Not only is it amazingly funny (no, I'm not joking, it's a delicious work of horrorific black comedy), but it'll map you out a Boop strategy.
Not only is it amazingly funny (no, I'm not joking, it's a delicious work of horrorific black comedy), but it'll map you out a Boop strategy.
[quote]Good stuff, Smoggy. You'll be the most popular kid in school with that on. [quote]
Heh, I was just kidding! I'm one of the board's old timers (40). Still, it's a frikkin' hilarious shirt - I definitely would have wore it back in school...
'Lo, there do I see, the line of my people, back to the beginning, 'lo do they call to me, they bid me take my place among them, in the halls of Valhalla, where the brave...may live...forever.
X-Box 360 Gamer Tag - Smogster
X-Box 360 Gamer Tag - Smogster
Lol..Smoggy, I know you are not in school, but just because you are 40 doesn't mean you have to abandon cool t-shirts! Heck, I'm 30 and I still proudly wear my "I Hate Michael Jackson" which I got a vintage store when I was 20. Still fits too. 
Oh, but a change gonna come, oh yes it is...
People look at that shirt when I wear it and either smile or scowl. Michael's fan base is bigger than we thought.
Oh, but a change gonna come, oh yes it is...
People look at that shirt when I wear it and either smile or scowl. Michael's fan base is bigger than we thought.
What's bred in the bone will not out of the flesh.
go here...
www.tshirthell.com
and check out the ones that they have......
some are friggin hillarious!!!!
www.tshirthell.com
and check out the ones that they have......
some are friggin hillarious!!!!
Holy crap!!
Abortions tickle?
I'd probably get killed wearing that around here. Them Bible folks see everything, you know....
Abortions tickle?
I'd probably get killed wearing that around here. Them Bible folks see everything, you know....
What's bred in the bone will not out of the flesh.
What is it about Betty Boop? I've never understood girl's facination for the toon. It's like having a Pigpen fetish or ******* to the chicks in Li'l Abner cartoons.
She's got this oversized head and vacuous eyes that make her look like she was born with hydroencephlia. I dunno-- it must some kind of retro-thing that I don't get.
Totem
She's got this oversized head and vacuous eyes that make her look like she was born with hydroencephlia. I dunno-- it must some kind of retro-thing that I don't get.
Totem
Not to mention that she's annoying as f*ck. She makes all those little squeaking noises. Creepy.
Seriously though, is anyone still into Boop? Boop fetishes?
(With exception of aforementioned Boop fetishists)
Seriously though, is anyone still into Boop? Boop fetishes?
(With exception of aforementioned Boop fetishists)
What's bred in the bone will not out of the flesh.
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