Jokes of the day 1/26/04 - 1/27/04Follow

ok so i slacked yesterday...

makeing up for it today.....

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Two drunks are laying on the floor, and one of them is sticking a finger in and out of the other drunk’s ***.

When a cop walks by and looks at the drunks, he says, “What the hell are you two doing?”

The first drunk replies, “Oh, I’m just helping my friend vomit.”

So the cop says, “Do you think I’m stupid? Sticking your finger in his *** is no way to make your friend vomit.”

“Just wait until I stick it in his mouth,” replies the drunk.

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The Vise Squad

A construction worker comes home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. Incensed, he drags the man out to the garage and puts his johnson in a vise.

He secures it and removes the vise handle, then picks up a hacksaw.

The man, terrified, screams, "Stop! Stop! You’re not going to…to…cut it off, are you?"

The husband shakes his head and hands him the hacksaw. "Nope—you are. I’m just going to set the garage on fire."

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Union dues

A union boss at a convention in Las Vegas decides to visit a local brothel. He asks the madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No, I’m sorry, it isn’t," she says.

"Well, if I pay $100, what do the girls get?" he asks.

"The house gets $80 and the girl gets $20."

Mighty offended by such unfair dealings, the man stomps off in search of a more equitable shop.

Finally, he reaches a brothel where the madam says, "Why yes, this is a union house."

"And if I pay $100, what do the girls get?" he asks.

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That’s more like it!" the man says. He looks around the room and points to a gorgeous young redhead. "I’d like her for the night."

"I’m sure you would, sir, but…" says the madam, gesturing at a 70-year-old woman in the corner, "Ethel here has seniority."
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Rough competition

A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. As the bartender pours the drink, he remarks, "That’s quite a heavy drink. What’s wrong?"

After quickly downing his drink, the man replies, "I found my wife in bed with my best friend."

"Wow," says the barkeep. "What’d you do?"

"I walked over to my wife," the man replies, "looked her straight in the eye, and told her to pack her stuff and get the hell out."

"That makes sense," says the bartender. "And what about your best friend?"

"I walked over, looked him right in the eye, and yelled, ‘Bad dog!’
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