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To drive your cubicle neighbor to madness...Follow

#1 Jan 22 2004 at 6:48 AM Rating: Excellent
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Well, my evil plan to drive the annoying marketing guy in the cubicle next to me insane is progressing well I think, but I need some new ideas. Here is what I am planning on doing so far:

1. Each morning before he gets in, I will move everything on his desk exactly 1 cm to the left EXCEPT his stapler. On fridays everything goes back to the right.
2. Random phone volume adjustments. There is a volume slider on the bottom of the phone that he deosn't know about. I move it slightly each morning.
3. Chair height adjustment. That and the tilt feature. Just a tiny bit each morning...
4. Computer adjustments.. This guy has annoyed our IT department to the point that they won't even come help him anymore, so no one will notice that I have his computer background set up to map to an image file on one of the netowrk drives. normally the image is that of his normal background, but every once in a while it changes briefly to a screenshot with extra fake icons, or an "open" pop up window that cannot be closed. I also adjusted his cursor blink rate to "siezure" level and turned on mouse trails in a moment of weakness. He is convinced a virus did it. (this one is already in progress)
5. I adjusted the AC duct so that it blows air just about exactly where his ear would be when he is sitting down

anyone think of anythign else? Trust me, this guy is worthy of whatever you can come up with.
#2 Jan 22 2004 at 7:07 AM Rating: Decent
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Take a screenshot of his desktop, hide all his icons, minimize his taskbar, and display the screenshot as the background. Had a friend hysterical because he thought something horrid had happened to his computer.

Im sure you can think of something more tech savy and evil though
#3 Jan 22 2004 at 7:37 AM Rating: Decent
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Think of that one yourself Mren? Or was that exact suggestion in Kaolian's ORIGINAL ******* POST.
#4 Jan 22 2004 at 7:45 AM Rating: Decent
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Don't forget to change his .wav files. There are lots and lots of them, and skip the obvious, like the opening windows ones. Hysterical laughter if it would normally beep, pig snorts, etc. fun fun fun!

Oh, and one of my favorites is the fake window opening telling him that it is now formatting his hard drive, along with a progressing "timer" bar.

My nephew set all his dad's settings to black (4 year old, brings a tear to my eye I was so proud). So it was black text on a black background in black windows. I laughed for a week about that one. His dad nearly went nuts.

And the classic of course of making his icons take him to a slightly different program. Then there is his home page on the internet, and tighten his internet security settings (there are some good ones in there)... Smiley: sly
#5 Jan 22 2004 at 8:40 AM Rating: Good
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I would watch for any faxes that come in for him overnight and just throw them away.
#6 Jan 22 2004 at 8:54 AM Rating: Good
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You need to keep it suptle, just enough to make the guy doubt himself a little more each day.

Alter his clock, comp or other just a little may 5 or ten minutes - enough to make him put it right. Then the next day you alter it the same amount - but backwards. Rinse and repeat.

Change his mouse settings - switch the left and right buttons should do the trick



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#7 Jan 22 2004 at 11:08 AM Rating: Good
Did you try giving him your top ten lists?

Kidding! They're great! Really!

/hides

#8 Jan 22 2004 at 11:57 AM Rating: Excellent
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Easy
Go to your local adult book store. I'm sure you are familiar with it. Get the subscription forms to his favorite mags, (Chunky A*ses, Beef Cake, Play Girl and Boys Life) your get the idea. Have them sent to him at work.
#9 Jan 22 2004 at 3:10 PM Rating: Decent
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My brother in law ran a program on me one time at his house that made about three hundred windows to pop up. He made me click out of every one because I didn't know the shortcut out of it. It was either push the buttons or get sat on by someone about 100lbs more than me.
#10 Jan 22 2004 at 3:16 PM Rating: Good
Fun little thing called Ctrl + Alt + Delete.
#11 Jan 22 2004 at 3:24 PM Rating: Good
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1) Unplug the power on his monitor (Disconnect it from the back of the monitor if possible, but just enough to lose the connection and still make it look good)

2) Switch the mouse/keyboard plugs on the back of his computer.

3) Put rat poison in his coffee

Might get jail time for #3 though... depending on your states rules for "taking care" of annoying people.



#12 Jan 22 2004 at 5:35 PM Rating: Good
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stop messing around. just do:

T H I S

#13 Jan 22 2004 at 5:38 PM Rating: Good
YAY! Canaduhian
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Well, well...looks who's back?Smiley: tongue
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#14 Jan 22 2004 at 5:40 PM Rating: Good
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Tare wrote:
Well, well...looks who's back?


you spelled bored wrong. Smiley: wink
#15 Jan 22 2004 at 5:44 PM Rating: Good
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Quote:
stop messing around. just do:

T H I S


LMAO - WB,GE
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#16 Jan 22 2004 at 6:40 PM Rating: Decent
making a fake format window pop up... i want to know how to do that.

now.


tell me.
----------
in the morning, take his pencils.
in the afternoon, put them back.. after his p-break.
if possible, remap the end task function on the keyboard and lock his computer up.

look over into his cubicle, gasp, and say, " im telling..."
#17 Jan 22 2004 at 8:02 PM Rating: Decent
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Fape, it's a little shareware program. You run it, but it waits for next keystroke to activate. Then, it also reads from hard drive so that light activates. It shuts off after a few keystrokes, so they can't prove anything, but stay worried they did something. I will see if I can find a link. Slid a diskette in, did it to my boss one morning when he went to the bathroom, took diskette with me. Then I had to go because I almost wet myself laughing when he was yelling stop at his pc.

More fun with the computer illiterate: Create a shortcut key to a tiny program with an important sounding name like one of those memory check programs and put icon in his startup menu. Delete the program the shortcut is calling, and everyday at start up he will get a windows message saying that it cannot find the memory program (insert evil laugh here). Sounds really important.

Set up a different screen saver, maybe a nice "I am an a$$hole" scrolling message, and password code it. Timing is everything. Get rid of it before IT can get to it.

Speaking of IT, if they can be bribed (usually they love home baked goods yummmm) and have access to those network tools, that take over a remote pc, you can just have no end of fun with him.

Word and Excel fun. For Excel go into Tools, Options, and turn Lotus transition keys on, and thus every / will bring up a Lotus menu, and Ctrl Home becomes Home, etc. Make his spreadsheets "manual" instead of autocalc. Word and Excel, View, Toolbar, Customize, change his toolbar, remove icons like save and bold (slowly a little change each day only and put old ones back and remove another one).

#18 Jan 22 2004 at 10:11 PM Rating: Good
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i used to have a program that when ran would unmute speaker (if muted), crank up the volume and play "HEY EVERYBODY...I'M WATCHING PORNO OVER HERE!!"

would be funny if you could create a macro and map it to a common key that would run a program like that when the key is hit then unmap itself. Smiley: grin
#19 Jan 23 2004 at 8:20 AM Rating: Good
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Could prop his desk up or cut pieces off his desk legs as you see fit...

Dark
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#20 Jan 23 2004 at 10:54 AM Rating: Good
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So simple... And yet so evil.

Someone in my office has been replacing the dark roast with decaf...

RATBASTARDS! Smiley: cry


so sleepy...
#21 Jan 23 2004 at 3:25 PM Rating: Decent
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Now that Glorious, is just plain evil!
#22 Jan 23 2004 at 3:32 PM Rating: Good
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Quote:

Atomicflea
Someone in my office has been replacing the dark roast with decaf...



For that there is no mercy, no justification - they must DIE pure and simple there is no lesser punishment.

Drown the bastage in de-caf

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#23 Jan 26 2004 at 3:32 PM Rating: Decent
Evil. You all are absolutely evil.









I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Smiley: bowdown
#24 Jan 26 2004 at 9:44 PM Rating: Decent
Quote:
So simple... And yet so evil.

Someone in my office has been replacing the dark roast with decaf...


My heart weepeth for you to have to drink such evil swill as Decaf.

If he uses a three button mouse or one with a roll button replace it with a two button mouse. Adjust the brightness on his monitor ever so lightly back and forth during the day.
#25 Jan 26 2004 at 9:48 PM Rating: Good
YAY! Canaduhian
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Hey, didn't Skeet post something about some guy in the next cubicle perpetually clearing his throat? That would drive me to madness.

There's always the ol' tack on the seat... Did that to my grade 7 teacher and felt bad afterwards, but might be just instant the satisfaction you need. YAY!

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#26 Jan 27 2004 at 12:41 PM Rating: Decent
This little trick is for Word. Open his Word App. Click on "Tools" and "Autocorrect" The words in the left column are words that will be auto-corrected to the word listed in the right column. See where I'm going with this one? Above the list is a field for entering words that you want to auto- correct. Change words like "I" to "A S S" or "the" to "bit*h" and so on. If this guy is a fast typer that doesn't proof read, he may actaully send out some documents like that. Try not to do that many words at first, you can prolong the agony this way.

I did this to a guy I used to work with, it was beautiful!Smiley: cool

Edited, Tue Jan 27 12:43:31 2004 by Visagoth
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