Feeling HelplessFollow

I am not sure if I will call what I want to say is a rant... but I do have something I wish to say.

I recently heard from Akemi, Leetfade, and Greenjade who have been MIA (Greenjade was gone for like 1 month, and Akemi and Leet was gone for even much longer time. It seems they are up to more important things or bored of FFXI. I do have more important things to attend to myself, and feel quite helpless in the game that I do not have time to do things I wish to do. So I winded up logging on, cannot do things I wanted, chit chat a little bit and log off.

A lot of people think I am really successful player... I always do not feel that way about myself. The reason is I have things I wish to do, but I cannot accomplish myself. Sometimes it is my own decision -- I think my overly defensive, prejudice and selective against certain player behavior, and that really hurt my own progress in the game.

By the time I know I have lost my chance, it is too late. I do not feel I have the responsibility to deal with people I do not like to accomplish something, and I think I may have build a poor reputation among certain player group because of I criticize certain game play style a lot. Now I am really busy of myself, I feel really I cannot do much about doing things I wish to do.

This past Sunday, I got my White Mage AF2 hat from an open Dynamis hosted by a Japanese player. I probably have not gotten a new AF2 for like... 8 months now, and I got this one on pure luck -- it was a free lot, and I am literally the only White Mage there. I haven't feel so happy for a little while -- I actually accomplished something for myself.

I have seen people left the game feeling bored or cannot accomplish anything, leaving the game for RL concerns. And I have seen people zip pass so fast, and accomplish things a lot faster than I do. I do not know where I stand.

Sorry feeling like talking >< I wonder how many people feel the way I am now.

It is more like people accept that standard, but I do not accept that to be the case. So I become the odd man out. It is the feeling of the minority: that one either accept the way it is or be left out as a SoB. That is actually why I had a really tough relationship with one of my former chat LS.

I actually do think I know people (that can reasonably suit my work schedule) to do things more inline in what my believes are and be able accomplish the objective, but yet I feel bad to ask. In someways, my current freedom does allow me to take a more social and laid back approach in the game. It is the feeling that I had been around for very very long time, do I really had be the way I am like now. Could I have done better? I really liked FFXI -- that is without doubt; but the door for greener ground may have closed for good, and in some ways I foresee myself time is running out, and may better off take the choice to leave.

Sadly enough, people do seem to accept a low standard as the norm, while some people strive to better their playstyle and ability, at some point you ask yourself if it's worth all the time spent, since the "less prepared" players are advancing just as fast if not faster, and accomplishing the same things that you wish to.

It's a battle that I personally experience on a daily basis, and I'm not trying to jump on a soapbox or say that I am a good player, there are thousands out there more skilled and better geared than myself, but it's very frustrating to spend all the time that I do to prepare for something and have to babysit 5-17 or more people that didn't bother to spend any time at all learning how to do something.

/rant off

I don't know your situation with the people you could ask, but if they are doing something that you wish to accomplish and could be a benefit to them, I wouldn't think that it would hurt to ask. At best you could help them, and in return work towards a goal that you have.

Could you have done better? That's a hard question. I know that I personally have made mistakes, I assume we all have, but in the end I think the most important question is: Did I enjoy my time playing, and did I walk away from the game with a good feeling? So many people I see leave in anger because they did not achieve this goal or get that item, and I just can't understand that mentality. While it's ok to wish that you had accomplished something, the moment anger enters I believe that the game is being considered too important in the scheme of one's life.

You seem so surprised

FFXI began as a virtual world, with a clean slate for a untainted moral system. But since humanity serves as the foundation and vehicle for an ethical system, it was inevitable that the pure virtual morality most players could once enjoy would be stained by the twisted morality that permeates our society.

FFXI has eventually become only a reflection of a real-world ethcial ambiguity. People steal and get ahead, people lie to get ahead, people betray others to get ahead, etc...

In the real world however, there is accountability of actions. People that behave unethically to get ahead, or to make a lot of money, or to satisfy some carnal desire have to potentially face public shame or embarassment for these actions. This is a mere deterrent from getting caught in the act, rather than a deterrent from committing it in the first place...

Our little virtual world offers us a convienient shroud of anonymity, making it all the more viable to act unethically through character since the "person" is in most cases unidentifiable and therefore not able to be held accountable.

Why do people do it? Because they can. Because it is easy, it satisfies thier desires, and it affords them a luxury of sleeping well at night because they get what they want without jeopardizing thier personal value system. Some people like yourself wish their moral beliefs and standards could transcend the two worlds of real life and vana'diel. But unfortunately, with the absence of "person" such a transcendence of moral accountability is not possible.

OP, (amanda) I read your posts often and wanted to say thanks for your insight. Personally, I try not to expect much from other, in RL or in Game, simply because they often disappoint me. One day, I came to a realization I only had one choice, make sure I played by my own morals and leave it at that. I know, that means I accept some bad behavior that does make my life more difficult, but it freed me to spend less time in frustration and more time enjoying when it is fun. My sig, life is suffering (also meaning of Duhkha) can be an awful realization, but it can allow you to accept the bad and truely enjoy the good in life. In other words, when some *** hat in a group is doing some thing that you believe is morally inept (80% of the time that's the dl of the sit rep), ignore it. Obviously, if they are hacking, you should remove yourself from the situation cuz they could get you banned. However, try to look and see if there is something in the situation that can be enjoyed. IE *** hat who does annoying thing A needs you to raise him/her every ten seconds can **** you off...or you could laugh at him and wait until everyone is ready to pull again to raise him. Or just tell leader that your not going to raise, but are going to look for another mage to repleace you. I did something like this when an *** hat kept pulling even when I (PT leader) told him not to. After third tell, I waited for him to pull again and then dropped him and we all zoned (Zone was directly behind us). Ha ha ...dead and funny;-) I know, I was a buit of an *** hat myself in that one, BUT I had told him repeatedly {Rest} {Party} {Do You Have it?} {No} Then {rest} {mind} {Plese} Anywho...this life lesson is brought to you by Duhkha (King *** Hat;-)