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FAQ: How to force a coffer key to drop! (TOP SECRET)Follow

#1 Nov 14 2004 at 3:10 AM Rating: Excellent
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The question has come up, time and time again, as to what factors influence the drop rate of coffer keys. A source of suffering for any who have ever tried to get their AF gear, coffer keys seem to drop significantly less often than any other item in the game - particularly when you need one. The issue of coffers not dropping often coincides with Low Lot Disease, a cure for which I am still researching.

That said, I have found a foolproof, failsafe way to force coffer keys to drop more often. As Carbuncle is my home and all of you are my community, I thought it **** to share this with you first, before posting in the main forum.


Goal
To make coffer keys drop more frequently.


Requirements
- Some loose pieces of wood
- Basic carpentry skills
- 100+ proof rum, with 21 hot peppers steeped in it
- Incense
- A live chicken
- A knife.


Procedure
Start by constructing a shrine to Baron Samedi, most powerful of the Guédé and chief loa in Voodoo. He is the loa of death and controls the passageway between the worlds of the dead and the living. His strength is beyond compare; you really want to get on this guy's good side! Plans for the shrine are not included here, you can Google them up when you're ready.

Make an offering of the rum (set it out on the altar, or set fire to it, but do not drink it yourself!). Burn the incense. Look up a good prayer to Baron Samedi online and practice your finest Hatian Creole accent. In your prayer, ask for greater success in obtaining coffer keys, being sure to remind Baron Samedi of the strong connection between the death of mobs and the dropping of the key. (FFXI is very `new world`, so sometimes the loa have to be brought up to date!)

After you have asked for aid, be sure to make an offering of the chicken. Use the knife to slaughter the bird, spilling blood and feathers upon the altar. This grants you one dead chicken (Rare/Ex, can't trade it or sell it at the AH). The dead chicken will dramatically increase your coffer key drop rate!

I absolutely swear this is true! I have zero scientific evidence to provide, but when I started waving a dead chicken at my monitor tonight, we picked up five Eldieme Keys in relatively short order! Obviously this was the thing that we'd needed all along, and so now I am passing the knowledge on to you, for the betterment of all man-kind.



Troubleshooting

My apartment complex has rules against pets.

Assure your landlord that the chicken is not a pet - indeed, it will trouble them hardly at all in it's short, short life.

I am unable to slaughter a chicken myself.

Make friends with a sadistic 12 year old who likes to throw rocks at cats. He can help you with the actual slaughtering process; just be sure to sprinkle some blood from the carcass, along with a few feathers, onto the altar you've constructed. And keep him away from the rum - we don't want to corrupt the young.

I'm waving my chicken at my monitor, but coffer keys aren't dropping as frequently as you said.

Try using a better quality rum; Baron Samedi is sometimes picky and likes the good stuff.

Oh, yuck! There's blood and chicken bits all over my keyboard!

Try shaking the chicken out a little better; there's no reason to scrimp on the offering.

I was getting keys, but am seeing them no longer; I still have my dead chicken.

Your chicken has probably run out of juice; start the process over and prepare another one. Discard your chicken, or invite it to dinner, whichever you prefer.

.

.

.

disclaimer: this is humor, and satire - don't kill chickens, y'all.
#2 Nov 14 2004 at 3:41 AM Rating: Decent
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lmao! rate up!
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#3 Nov 14 2004 at 4:09 AM Rating: Decent
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I followed this process and my Beadeaux Key dropped first kill with no Treasure Hunter....it works, I swear!
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#4 Nov 14 2004 at 11:23 AM Rating: Excellent
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But wait! there's more. Tired of having to make your own sacrfices for coffer keys? Just order sacrafice in a bag for 19.99. These wonderful pre-sacrificed animals come in their own "stay fresh" pouch that keeps the voo doo inside. But wait! if you order now we'll also include the Sacrificial drip pan! tired of having to clean blood of the desk after a night of gaming? this pan takes that worry away and it's free to the next 30 callers. 1-800-FFX-POUCH

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#5 Nov 14 2004 at 2:57 PM Rating: Default
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If you to scared to cut do the dirty work with the chicken I'll be of service. I have no prblem slaughtering chickens thanks to zelda. Also I hope it dosent affecct the offering if i decide to taste some of the blood. Sorry i can't help it its so sweet like red wine ^^.
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#6 Nov 14 2004 at 10:28 PM Rating: Decent
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#7 Nov 14 2004 at 11:10 PM Rating: Decent
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the chicken technique helps a ton!

Edited, Wed Nov 24 01:26:17 2004 by melbolt
#8 Nov 14 2004 at 11:44 PM Rating: Good
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O.o err...i know im not from this world...but..do i really have to kill the chicken?..i mean...cant i just go to kfc and make the offering with a bucket of the Colonols finest?
#9 Nov 15 2004 at 12:23 AM Rating: Decent
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LMAO!!! Why oh why didn't we try this when we hunted for keys for 6 hours a day for 7 days straight and NO DROPS???? I'm keeping this handy for Ifrit's Cauldron :)

Thanks a bunch, this is absolutely hilarious!!!
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#10 Nov 15 2004 at 12:34 AM Rating: Decent
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Quote:
O.o err...i know im not from this world...but..do i really have to kill the chicken?..i mean...cant i just go to kfc and make the offering with a bucket of the Colonols finest?



Hmmm in my city it costs around $12.00 for a bucket of KF. Acroos the border from where i stay a full live chicken costs about $3.00 in Pesos. Like i said i have all the tools nessacery knives, hammers, machedy, an old rust katana. Ill do the dirty work :) /drool. I've alrdy done it 3 times since this post was made 1/3 chickens got away. Since then ive added a chain to my tools list. Just let me know and i'll do the fun part for you.
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#11 Nov 15 2004 at 11:17 AM Rating: Excellent
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"Jrunk" wrote:
Hmmm in my city it costs around $12.00 for a bucket of KF. Acroos the border from where i stay a full live chicken costs about $3.00 in Pesos. Like i said i have all the tools nessacery knives, hammers, machedy, an old rust katana. Ill do the dirty work :) /drool. I've alrdy done it 3 times since this post was made 1/3 chickens got away.
Trying to squeak by with some KFC, eh? We've done a little testing and found that Original Recipe seems to work the best. Chicken parts don't work as well as a whole chicken, but you still may see some effect. Try to refrain from eating your offering while key-hunting.

Buffalo Wings are right out - sorry, y'all. You have to use something substantial. Scrambling an egg at your keyboard while composing your prayer is also ill-advised.

I still favor the real thing - chickens aren't hard to come by in the countryside, and the wise practitioner will note that you can up the odds of a coffer key drop while simultaneously leveling your cooking skill!


1 fire crystal
+ 1 oregano
+ 1 basil
+ 1 garlic
+ 1 selbina butter
+ 1 formerly live chicken

1 Roasted Chicken



For those of you still doubting the plausibility of the dead chicken approach, the Kalm LS pulled 4 keys from Eldieme Saturday night - the last of these only dropped after I started waving the dead chicken at my monitor. Believers all, we brought our chickens with us on Sunday, and managed to pull 10 coffer keys in five hours time from Garlaige Citadel and Davoi (5 keys each).

No joke on the 10 keys; we were surprised too. Watch out, chickens!
#12 Nov 15 2004 at 11:53 AM Rating: Decent
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#13 Nov 15 2004 at 12:32 PM Rating: Decent
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Your still the best Wing

A little to much time on your hands?
Maybe
But still the best none the less


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#14 Nov 16 2004 at 8:29 AM Rating: Decent
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OMG >_<

I would say that ya'll are completey freaking insane... Wing, you especially o_O

(Except for the fact that if it weren't for the **** slaughtered chicken I somehow doubt I'd ever have my stupid Eldieme Necropolis coffer key...)

Blah, so be it. Great thread~! LOL

Edited, Tue Nov 16 08:30:38 2004 by Azreile
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#15 Nov 16 2004 at 9:29 AM Rating: Decent
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1 fire crystal
+ 1 oregano
+ 1 basil
+ 1 garlic
+ 1 selbina butter
+ 1 formerly live chicken

1 Roasted Chicken


Seeing this equasion; is it possible to De-synth an "Extra Crispy Chicken" into a "formerly live chicken" for purposes of synthing it into a "Roasted chicken"?
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#16 Nov 16 2004 at 11:19 AM Rating: Excellent
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Quote:
Seeing this equasion; is it possible to De-synth an "Extra Crispy Chicken" into a "formerly live chicken" for purposes of synthing it into a "Roasted chicken"?

That's a good question, but if I remember my biology, the rule is that proteins, once denatured (as they are by application of heat energy), actually change their three-dimensional structure and can not be taken back to their previous form. There is no good way to desynth cooked chicken back into formerly live chicken, regardless if it's Extra Crispy or Original.

Attempts to desynth a formerly live chicken are not recommended; we're mucking around with Voodoo here. You're liable to get a chicken zombie. Being small there isn't much the chicken zombie can do to you, just keep in mind that it'll be spawned in your Gobbiebag; it may trash your inventory while trying to get at your tasty, tasty brains.
#17 Nov 16 2004 at 11:24 AM Rating: Decent
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In the event that a live chicken or mostly dead chicken can not be procured, is a chicken zombie a sufficient substitute or will that anger Baron Samedi?


Second (and final) question: Where does one find chicken zombie when looking in the AH? Or is this Rare-Ex as well?

Edited, Tue Nov 16 11:26:08 2004 by Froyn
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#18 Nov 16 2004 at 11:45 AM Rating: Excellent
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Basically you're trying to undo the formerly live chicken, but that's like taking the offering back out of Baron Samedi's hands - the big man dislikes indian givers.

The chicken zombie is Ex, so won't show on the AH. They despawn after one game-day has passed, or after they've eaten your brainmeats. Whichever comes first. ^^

re: `indian giver` - here's the etymology. Who said ffxi forums aren't educational?
#19 Nov 16 2004 at 12:31 PM Rating: Decent
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lmao indian giver
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#20 Nov 16 2004 at 1:09 PM Rating: Decent
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While utterly insane i can vouch for the accuracy of Wing's claims.

We were sitting on them hume bones for hours... nothing. Wing breaks out the chicken and *wham* coffers start dropping like flies.

I just hope i don't hear this headline on FOX news... "Crazed Teen Internet game players raid local poultry farms, carrying away dozens of live chickens"

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#21 Nov 22 2004 at 9:11 AM Rating: Decent
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Well, I printed out the procudre and began procuring the necessary items the ritual. It suddenly dawned on me that I'm a thf. So I'm now chillin' with some fried chicken and a run and coke, waiting for the next coffer to pop so I can pick it for my AF. XD

Bah! Just remembered that I'm gonna need my AF for NIN also. I fear that my recent repast and accompanying sacrilege has secured my bad standing with Baron Samedi. /cry I'll never get it. :(

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#22 Nov 22 2004 at 2:52 PM Rating: Decent
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Thank you Wingchild ^^
Your chicken got me my gloves, and for that i am eternaly greatful =D
See you soon!
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#23 Nov 24 2004 at 9:22 PM Rating: Decent
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you need help

(<_<)
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#24 Nov 27 2004 at 12:17 AM Rating: Decent
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Chicken Zombie can actually be found in the AH and is only found under the Cursed Items section.

Now if you could only come up with a recipe for HNM drops....

Edited, Sat Nov 27 00:23:25 2004 by MerovingianQuetzalcoatl
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#25 Nov 27 2004 at 12:18 AM Rating: Decent
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LMFAO...


-thanks for the laughs-
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#26 Dec 05 2004 at 3:32 AM Rating: Decent
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wtf
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#27 Dec 22 2004 at 4:05 AM Rating: Decent
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If I cast Raise on the chiecken can I use it again or do I still have to use a different one altogether?
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#28 Dec 22 2004 at 5:05 AM Rating: Decent
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*furious giggling while waving the chicken!*
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#29 Dec 30 2004 at 1:06 PM Rating: Decent
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Just an added comment...results of drops are relative to the moon phase and element of the day. So, I suggest you try these methods on Darksday, minus the crafting part which should be on Watersday for HQ synthing for the best results. Expect little or no drops on any other day, for Baron Samedi is one evil bastard. Also, with this in mind, his minions will also be more powerful on Darksday as well. Make sure you bring a Monk. Good luck undead hunters!!!

Edited, Thu Dec 30 13:07:40 2004 by Kiyobe

Edited, Thu Dec 30 13:08:51 2004 by Kiyobe
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#30 Dec 30 2004 at 6:53 PM Rating: Decent
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Hmm.... couldnt you desynth the roasted chicken into 2X Chicken Bones to work on Bonesmithing? And I mean, Chicken Bones are worth about 7-800 gil on Asura's Windurstian AH and all... And thats not bad XD
#31 Dec 31 2004 at 12:54 AM Rating: Decent
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Since when do magic and science mix? Just a thought ;)
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#32 Dec 31 2004 at 12:57 AM Rating: Decent
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Edited, Fri Dec 31 00:58:41 2004 by kireggerg
#33 Dec 31 2004 at 12:57 AM Rating: Decent
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Edited, Fri Dec 31 00:59:09 2004 by kireggerg
#34 Jan 14 2005 at 4:18 PM Rating: Good
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Might I suggest petitioning Pap Legba instead of the Baron? I know the Baron, and his sense of humor would be that you get killed just before the key drops. And with Papa Legba, lwa of crossroads, travel, communication, and finding schtuff, it would be much easier.

For Papa Legba, get:

Some flour.
3 cigars, preferably Monte Cristo
1 bottle of Barbhanocourt Rum
Some chicken, grilled.
Some Jolly Ranchers (he's got a sweettooth)

Take em down to the nearest 4-way intersection. At night on a Friday or Saturday is preferable. Draw the veve of Legba in flour in the middle of the intersection (this is why at night is preferred). Pour the rum on the flour so it clumps and doesn't blow away. Light the cigars and ask him for help in:

~ Finding the coffer keys, quickly.
~ The cops not showing up quickly.

Leave the grilled chicken and cigars as payment for his services. Put it outside the veve and then walk away. Then go find your coffer keys. ^^

Edit: Forgot to add the ending bit to it. Thus changed.

Edited, Fri Jan 14 17:26:36 2005 by szandorr
#35 Jan 14 2005 at 8:15 PM Rating: Decent
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Yes, the above method is what i prefer, but please remember to wear some fluroscent strips on your person because otherwise it is very dangerous at night, even though there is less traffic.

#36 Jan 26 2005 at 7:40 PM Rating: Good
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My wife seems to get a bit testy when I start making **** sacrifices in the living room. Its not the sacrifice, but the difficulty of gettign blood out of the carpet. Do you suppose choking my chicken would suffice?
#37 Jan 26 2005 at 10:02 PM Rating: Decent
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If I draw a pentagram or a Transmutation circle on my Tv or Monitor, could I turn the Chicken INTO a key? Wouldn't that be a bit easier?

Sure, there are problems of sending the key into the game world, but thats easily fixed by continually shoving the sharp part of the key into the monitor/TV

#38 Jan 27 2005 at 2:47 PM Rating: Decent
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HILARIOUS!!!! I love it, maybe I should do it when I am farming to get better drops period *makes a few quick notes to himself*
#39 Feb 12 2005 at 3:54 AM Rating: Good
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De Baron, he done tole me, "Chile, I be gettin' me chickens. Too **** many, dey is. Some foo' sez I grantin' coffer drops, now I be up to de eyeballs in chickens! Dey askin the wrong person 'ere. Point 'em to Squeenix." Den some stuff 'bout fixin me car, y'all don't need ta be hearin dat.

My suggestion: variety, mon. Turkeys, goats, cows, maybe even some dem Cornish Game Hens. (Editor's note: Pidgeon +1) De blood sacrifice be de point, not de chicken! Even de incarnation of death need originality in his diet, no?
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#40 Feb 13 2005 at 5:18 AM Rating: Decent
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Actually, I've found that if I have difficulties getting keys, I just flash the screen. There's a bright light and some slight disorientation, but afterwards, the key is always in my inventory, even if it's not for the dungeon I'm currently in. You also receive the key item: Grainy Screenshot, necessary for Genkai 1-5: Maat Goes to the Bathroom for Ten Minutes.


Please note: above method works best if female, altho' Maat doesn't really seem to care.

#41 Feb 14 2005 at 9:32 AM Rating: Decent
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OMG -- This so works.

I got my Garliage and Eld. Coffer Keys last night. (Thanks for everyones help--you know who you are).

This theory was great considering i had been on runs for both of these keys numerous times and had never seen a drop. Then i tried this method, and bam, bam, got both keys in one evening.

Now, i would recommend this method to anyone, just make sure to cover everything with a plastic drop first, or you will be in my shoes, calling dell to fix the computer because of all the inards of the chicken messing up your keyboard and smeared on your monitor. Thank god for 3 yr unconditional warranty!!

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#42 Feb 17 2005 at 7:22 AM Rating: Decent
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Wouldn't waving dead chickens at the screen tick of the Yagudo?

Besides, there's another way of obtaining the keys. Get some friends to beat up Treasure Chests in Pso'Xja, until the Mimick Belt drops. This gives you Enchantment: Costume: Mimick, which can then be used to trick others into giving you the key ^_^
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#43 Feb 20 2005 at 4:50 PM Rating: Good
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/em raises his hand quietly in the back row.

Um, if a real live chicken were unable to be procured, would a comic rubber chicken, waved in front of the monitor, work as a substitute?
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    #44 Feb 20 2005 at 6:45 PM Rating: Good
    Tenmiles wrote:
    /em raises his hand quietly in the back row.

    Um, if a real live chicken were unable to be procured, would a comic rubber chicken, waved in front of the monitor, work as a substitute?


    This may work, if the person was first dressed in a full-plate knight suit and appeared in random sketches throughout the realm.

    Rumor also has it that the chances of success increase if the chicken (regardless of type) is first lightly seasoned with a crushed 4-Leaf Mandagora Bud.
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    #45 Feb 22 2005 at 2:47 PM Rating: Decent
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    Hahaha! I'm at work rolling on the floor with that one. :DDD

    Lae
    #46 Feb 24 2005 at 2:51 PM Rating: Decent
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    All magic is heavily based on symbolism. Symbols are subustuted for the real thing all the time in magical ceromonies.

    Has anyone yet tried a rubber chicken for this?

    You could symbolize the blood with food coloring or ketchup, and the feathers with bits of paper or white plastic bags. Unless you want to symbolize a black hen, when black bags would work best.

    Disclamer; The Baron might NOT be amused.....
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    #47 Mar 05 2005 at 12:39 PM Rating: Decent
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    #48 Mar 05 2005 at 1:31 PM Rating: Default
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    As soon as I saw:

    I'm waving my chicken at my monitor, but coffer keys aren't dropping as frequently as you said.

    I started cracking up >.<
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    #49 Mar 07 2005 at 4:41 PM Rating: Good
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    "Shadygrove" wrote:
    All magic is heavily based on symbolism. Symbols are subustuted for the real thing all the time in magical ceromonies.

    Has anyone yet tried a rubber chicken for this?

    You could symbolize the blood with food coloring or ketchup, and the feathers with bits of paper or white plastic bags. Unless you want to symbolize a black hen, when black bags would work best.

    Disclamer; The Baron might NOT be amused.....



    Oh no - the Baron has a hell of a sense of humor!

    ...but unfortunately, it is not yours. What he finds amusing may not be funny at all to you. ^^


    I'm glad people are still getting a laugh out of this thread long after it's inception. ^^
    #50 Mar 23 2005 at 12:17 PM Rating: Good
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    Eeek! I went against your words of wisdom and created a zombie chicken! It ate my moogle and it's rampaging around Windurst eating young taru! Here's a picture of the Zombie Chicken. If you see him, and your are a taru, please run for your life

    Edited, Wed Mar 23 12:56:02 2005 by anubie
    #51 Mar 23 2005 at 12:53 PM Rating: Good
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    Good show, anubie. Well played. ^^
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