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FAQ: How to force a coffer key to drop! (TOP SECRET)Follow

#1 Nov 14 2004 at 3:10 AM Rating: Excellent
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The question has come up, time and time again, as to what factors influence the drop rate of coffer keys. A source of suffering for any who have ever tried to get their AF gear, coffer keys seem to drop significantly less often than any other item in the game - particularly when you need one. The issue of coffers not dropping often coincides with Low Lot Disease, a cure for which I am still researching.

That said, I have found a foolproof, failsafe way to force coffer keys to drop more often. As Carbuncle is my home and all of you are my community, I thought it fitting to share this with you first, before posting in the main forum.


Goal
To make coffer keys drop more frequently.


Requirements
- Some loose pieces of wood
- Basic carpentry skills
- 100+ proof rum, with 21 hot peppers steeped in it
- Incense
- A live chicken
- A knife.


Procedure
Start by constructing a shrine to Baron Samedi, most powerful of the Guédé and chief loa in Voodoo. He is the loa of death and controls the passageway between the worlds of the dead and the living. His strength is beyond compare; you really want to get on this guy's good side! Plans for the shrine are not included here, you can Google them up when you're ready.

Make an offering of the rum (set it out on the altar, or set fire to it, but do not drink it yourself!). Burn the incense. Look up a good prayer to Baron Samedi online and practice your finest Hatian Creole accent. In your prayer, ask for greater success in obtaining coffer keys, being sure to remind Baron Samedi of the strong connection between the death of mobs and the dropping of the key. (FFXI is very `new world`, so sometimes the loa have to be brought up to date!)

After you have asked for aid, be sure to make an offering of the chicken. Use the knife to slaughter the bird, spilling blood and feathers upon the altar. This grants you one dead chicken (Rare/Ex, can't trade it or sell it at the AH). The dead chicken will dramatically increase your coffer key drop rate!

I absolutely swear this is true! I have zero scientific evidence to provide, but when I started waving a dead chicken at my monitor tonight, we picked up five Eldieme Keys in relatively short order! Obviously this was the thing that we'd needed all along, and so now I am passing the knowledge on to you, for the betterment of all man-kind.



Troubleshooting

My apartment complex has rules against pets.

Assure your landlord that the chicken is not a pet - indeed, it will trouble them hardly at all in it's short, short life.

I am unable to slaughter a chicken myself.

Make friends with a sadistic 12 year old who likes to throw rocks at cats. He can help you with the actual slaughtering process; just be sure to sprinkle some blood from the carcass, along with a few feathers, onto the altar you've constructed. And keep him away from the rum - we don't want to corrupt the young.

I'm waving my chicken at my monitor, but coffer keys aren't dropping as frequently as you said.

Try using a better quality rum; Baron Samedi is sometimes picky and likes the good stuff.

Oh, yuck! There's blood and chicken bits all over my keyboard!

Try shaking the chicken out a little better; there's no reason to scrimp on the offering.

I was getting keys, but am seeing them no longer; I still have my dead chicken.

Your chicken has probably run out of juice; start the process over and prepare another one. Discard your chicken, or invite it to dinner, whichever you prefer.

.

.

.

disclaimer: this is humor, and satire - don't kill chickens, y'all.
#2 Nov 14 2004 at 3:41 AM Rating: Decent
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lmao! rate up!
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#3 Nov 14 2004 at 4:09 AM Rating: Decent
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I followed this process and my Beadeaux Key dropped first kill with no Treasure Hunter....it works, I swear!
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#4 Nov 14 2004 at 11:23 AM Rating: Excellent
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But wait! there's more. Tired of having to make your own sacrfices for coffer keys? Just order sacrafice in a bag for 19.99. These wonderful pre-sacrificed animals come in their own "stay fresh" pouch that keeps the voo doo inside. But wait! if you order now we'll also include the Sacrificial drip pan! tired of having to clean blood of the desk after a night of gaming? this pan takes that worry away and it's free to the next 30 callers. 1-800-FFX-POUCH

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#5 Nov 14 2004 at 2:57 PM Rating: Default
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If you to scared to cut do the dirty work with the chicken I'll be of service. I have no prblem slaughtering chickens thanks to zelda. Also I hope it dosent affecct the offering if i decide to taste some of the blood. Sorry i can't help it its so sweet like red wine ^^.
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#6 Nov 14 2004 at 10:28 PM Rating: Decent
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Greatest-Thread-Ever
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#7 Nov 14 2004 at 11:10 PM Rating: Decent
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the chicken technique helps a ton!

Edited, Wed Nov 24 01:26:17 2004 by melbolt
#8 Nov 14 2004 at 11:44 PM Rating: Good
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O.o err...i know im not from this world...but..do i really have to kill the chicken?..i mean...cant i just go to kfc and make the offering with a bucket of the Colonols finest?
#9 Nov 15 2004 at 12:23 AM Rating: Decent
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LMAO!!! Why oh why didn't we try this when we hunted for keys for 6 hours a day for 7 days straight and NO DROPS???? I'm keeping this handy for Ifrit's Cauldron :)

Thanks a bunch, this is absolutely hilarious!!!
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#10 Nov 15 2004 at 12:34 AM Rating: Decent
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Quote:
O.o err...i know im not from this world...but..do i really have to kill the chicken?..i mean...cant i just go to kfc and make the offering with a bucket of the Colonols finest?



Hmmm in my city it costs around $12.00 for a bucket of KF. Acroos the border from where i stay a full live chicken costs about $3.00 in Pesos. Like i said i have all the tools nessacery knives, hammers, machedy, an old rust katana. Ill do the dirty work :) /drool. I've alrdy done it 3 times since this post was made 1/3 chickens got away. Since then ive added a chain to my tools list. Just let me know and i'll do the fun part for you.
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#11 Nov 15 2004 at 11:17 AM Rating: Excellent
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"Jrunk" wrote:
Hmmm in my city it costs around $12.00 for a bucket of KF. Acroos the border from where i stay a full live chicken costs about $3.00 in Pesos. Like i said i have all the tools nessacery knives, hammers, machedy, an old rust katana. Ill do the dirty work :) /drool. I've alrdy done it 3 times since this post was made 1/3 chickens got away.
Trying to squeak by with some KFC, eh? We've done a little testing and found that Original Recipe seems to work the best. Chicken parts don't work as well as a whole chicken, but you still may see some effect. Try to refrain from eating your offering while key-hunting.

Buffalo Wings are right out - sorry, y'all. You have to use something substantial. Scrambling an egg at your keyboard while composing your prayer is also ill-advised.

I still favor the real thing - chickens aren't hard to come by in the countryside, and the wise practitioner will note that you can up the odds of a coffer key drop while simultaneously leveling your cooking skill!


1 fire crystal
+ 1 oregano
+ 1 basil
+ 1 garlic
+ 1 selbina butter
+ 1 formerly live chicken

1 Roasted Chicken



For those of you still doubting the plausibility of the dead chicken approach, the Kalm LS pulled 4 keys from Eldieme Saturday night - the last of these only dropped after I started waving the dead chicken at my monitor. Believers all, we brought our chickens with us on Sunday, and managed to pull 10 coffer keys in five hours time from Garlaige Citadel and Davoi (5 keys each).

No joke on the 10 keys; we were surprised too. Watch out, chickens!
#12 Nov 15 2004 at 11:53 AM Rating: Decent
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i dont know you, but i think i love you.
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#13 Nov 15 2004 at 12:32 PM Rating: Decent
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Your still the best Wing

A little to much time on your hands?
Maybe
But still the best none the less


Arowyn
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#14 Nov 16 2004 at 8:29 AM Rating: Decent
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OMG >_<

I would say that ya'll are completey freaking insane... Wing, you especially o_O

(Except for the fact that if it weren't for the **** slaughtered chicken I somehow doubt I'd ever have my stupid Eldieme Necropolis coffer key...)

Blah, so be it. Great thread~! LOL

Edited, Tue Nov 16 08:30:38 2004 by Azreile
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#15 Nov 16 2004 at 9:29 AM Rating: Decent
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1 fire crystal
+ 1 oregano
+ 1 basil
+ 1 garlic
+ 1 selbina butter
+ 1 formerly live chicken

1 Roasted Chicken


Seeing this equasion; is it possible to De-synth an "Extra Crispy Chicken" into a "formerly live chicken" for purposes of synthing it into a "Roasted chicken"?
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#16 Nov 16 2004 at 11:19 AM Rating: Excellent
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Quote:
Seeing this equasion; is it possible to De-synth an "Extra Crispy Chicken" into a "formerly live chicken" for purposes of synthing it into a "Roasted chicken"?

That's a good question, but if I remember my biology, the rule is that proteins, once denatured (as they are by application of heat energy), actually change their three-dimensional structure and can not be taken back to their previous form. There is no good way to desynth cooked chicken back into formerly live chicken, regardless if it's Extra Crispy or Original.

Attempts to desynth a formerly live chicken are not recommended; we're mucking around with Voodoo here. You're liable to get a chicken zombie. Being small there isn't much the chicken zombie can do to you, just keep in mind that it'll be spawned in your Gobbiebag; it may trash your inventory while trying to get at your tasty, tasty brains.
#17 Nov 16 2004 at 11:24 AM Rating: Decent
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In the event that a live chicken or mostly dead chicken can not be procured, is a chicken zombie a sufficient substitute or will that anger Baron Samedi?


Second (and final) question: Where does one find chicken zombie when looking in the AH? Or is this Rare-Ex as well?

Edited, Tue Nov 16 11:26:08 2004 by Froyn
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#18 Nov 16 2004 at 11:45 AM Rating: Excellent
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Basically you're trying to undo the formerly live chicken, but that's like taking the offering back out of Baron Samedi's hands - the big man dislikes indian givers.

The chicken zombie is Ex, so won't show on the AH. They despawn after one game-day has passed, or after they've eaten your brainmeats. Whichever comes first. ^^

re: `indian giver` - here's the etymology. Who said ffxi forums aren't educational?
#19 Nov 16 2004 at 12:31 PM Rating: Decent
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lmao indian giver
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#20 Nov 16 2004 at 1:09 PM Rating: Decent
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While utterly insane i can vouch for the accuracy of Wing's claims.

We were sitting on them hume bones for hours... nothing. Wing breaks out the chicken and *wham* coffers start dropping like flies.

I just hope i don't hear this headline on FOX news... "Crazed Teen Internet game players raid local poultry farms, carrying away dozens of live chickens"

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#21 Nov 22 2004 at 9:11 AM Rating: Decent
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Well, I printed out the procudre and began procuring the necessary items the ritual. It suddenly dawned on me that I'm a thf. So I'm now chillin' with some fried chicken and a run and coke, waiting for the next coffer to pop so I can pick it for my AF. XD

Bah! Just remembered that I'm gonna need my AF for NIN also. I fear that my recent repast and accompanying sacrilege has secured my bad standing with Baron Samedi. /cry I'll never get it. :(

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#22 Nov 22 2004 at 2:52 PM Rating: Decent
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Thank you Wingchild ^^
Your chicken got me my gloves, and for that i am eternaly greatful =D
See you soon!
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#23 Nov 24 2004 at 9:22 PM Rating: Decent
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you need help

(<_<)
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#24 Nov 27 2004 at 12:17 AM Rating: Decent
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Chicken Zombie can actually be found in the AH and is only found under the Cursed Items section.

Now if you could only come up with a recipe for HNM drops....

Edited, Sat Nov 27 00:23:25 2004 by MerovingianQuetzalcoatl
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#25 Nov 27 2004 at 12:18 AM Rating: Decent
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LMFAO...


-thanks for the laughs-
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#26 Dec 05 2004 at 3:32 AM Rating: Decent
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wtf
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