Move out of the apartment and into a house with 4+ acres of land, with the house situated smack dab in the middle of it, surrounded by trees.
That's just asking to be abducted and anal probed.
Someone on another forum wrote:
Wow, you've got an awesome writing style.! I really dig the narrator'sback story, humor, sarcasm, and the plethora of pop culture references. Altogether a refreshingly different RotR journal (not that I don't like the more traditional ones, mind you).