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Best Weekend EVAR!!!!!Follow

#1 Sep 06 2011 at 6:28 PM Rating: Excellent
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So this was a monumental weekend!

After waiting 11 years, and much anger, depression, etc, I saw my 11 year old daughter for the first time since she was two months old.

Crazy Baby Momma is Crazy Baby Momma, and it was all I could do to not shoot myself in the face listening to her talk for the last five days, but I got to take my daughter to the Zoo, the Audubon Society, the Pirate Festival, and finally to her first day of Middle School.

Unfortunately, I am sitting in the airport, trying not to cry into my beer, because it was the best weekend I have ever had, Crazy Baby Momma or no Crazy Baby Momma.
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#2 Sep 06 2011 at 6:39 PM Rating: Excellent
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Go you. Smiley: smile
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#3 Sep 06 2011 at 6:45 PM Rating: Excellent
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Not seeing my little girl for eleven years sounds like a horror I wouldn't want to live through. That would simultaneously be the best and worst weekend. Congratulations.
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#4 Sep 06 2011 at 6:46 PM Rating: Excellent
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lolgaxe wrote:
Not seeing my little girl for eleven years sounds like a horror I wouldn't want to live through. That would simultaneously be the best and worst weekend. Congratulations.


Quoted for truth...Oh...I mean, QFT
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#5 Sep 06 2011 at 6:55 PM Rating: Excellent
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The aforementioned Pirate Festival.

She is the one on the far right:

Pirate Fest


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#6 Sep 06 2011 at 6:59 PM Rating: Excellent
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You'd think there'd be some complaint over the historical inaccuracy of a chocobo riding pirate.

Your girl's cute. You're going to hate that in a few years. Smiley: laugh
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#7 Sep 06 2011 at 7:02 PM Rating: Excellent
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Oh wow. Grats and that sort of sucks at the same time. Smiley: frown I'm glad it went well!
#8 Sep 06 2011 at 7:18 PM Rating: Excellent
awesome.
Hope she had an awesome time too.
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#9 Sep 06 2011 at 9:07 PM Rating: Excellent
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wow 11 years? I would have to commit multiple homicides if anyone kept me from seeing my daughter for that long.
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#10 Sep 06 2011 at 11:27 PM Rating: Excellent
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Tyrrant wrote:
wow 11 years? I would have to commit multiple homicides if anyone kept me from seeing my daughter for that long.



And where did I say that I didn't Smiley: tongue
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#11 Sep 07 2011 at 12:09 AM Rating: Excellent
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oh you!
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#12 Sep 07 2011 at 1:07 AM Rating: Excellent
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Belkira the Tulip wrote:
Oh wow. Grats and that sort of sucks at the same time. Smiley: frown I'm glad it went well!


Yes, it did a bit of both. My god, how did I ever date that woman? She even started an argument on the last day (one of many) so that I couldn't get pictures with me in them.
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#13 Sep 07 2011 at 1:09 AM Rating: Excellent
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Sandinmygum the Stupendous wrote:
awesome.
Hope she had an awesome time too.


That seemed to be how she felt, but I will prolly have to wait years to find out for sure Smiley: cry
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#14 Sep 07 2011 at 1:46 AM Rating: Excellent
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Don't really know the background story so probably a stupid question/already answered question elsewhere, but can't you fight for visitation rights or something?

Edited, Sep 7th 2011 7:47am by MagingMartin
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#15 Sep 07 2011 at 4:10 AM Rating: Excellent
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lolgaxe wrote:
Not seeing my little girl for eleven years sounds like a horror I wouldn't want to live through. That would simultaneously be the best and worst weekend. Congratulations.


Tyrrant wrote:
wow 11 years? I would have to commit multiple homicides if anyone kept me from seeing my daughter for that long.


So many times these.

Your reasons are your own and I won't question them, but the grave is the only thing that would keep me from my daughter for that long.

Good for you for getting back in touch and not just walking away.

Edited, Sep 7th 2011 12:33am by Raolan
#16 Sep 07 2011 at 6:45 AM Rating: Excellent
Here's to many many more of these weekends.
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#17 Sep 07 2011 at 10:29 AM Rating: Excellent
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Here's to many many more of these weekends.

Yeah pirate weekends are awesome, but you need to mix it up with ninja and zombie weekends too!!
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#18 Sep 07 2011 at 1:41 PM Rating: Excellent
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MagingMartin wrote:
Don't really know the background story so probably a stupid question/already answered question elsewhere, but can't you fight for visitation rights or something?

Edited, Sep 7th 2011 7:47am by MagingMartin


Raolan wrote:
Your reasons are your own and I won't question them, but the grave is the only thing that would keep me from my daughter for that long.

Good for you for getting back in touch and not just walking away.

Edited, Sep 7th 2011 12:33am by Raolan


Most of that time has been spent tracking them down. Once I found them, it was a matter of keeping crazy baby momma from pulling another vanishing act, so the last year or so has been a very trying process.

Believe me when I say that not a day has gone by that I didn't want to be in her life, and I did all that I could to get here, and I did it in a way that will hopefully not be traumatizing to her.

There is more to the story, but it is one I am very tired of thinking about.
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#19 Sep 07 2011 at 2:49 PM Rating: Excellent
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As someone who grew/is growing up without a father I bet I know just how much that meant to her.

Keep it up.
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#20 Sep 07 2011 at 3:21 PM Rating: Excellent
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#21 Sep 07 2011 at 3:56 PM Rating: Good
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Quote:
Most of that time has been spent tracking them down. Once I found them, it was a matter of keeping crazy baby momma from pulling another vanishing act, so the last year or so has been a very trying process.


Aren't there laws that are supposed to prevent that? Not to mention consequences for the parent taking the child and disappearing?
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#22 Sep 07 2011 at 4:23 PM Rating: Excellent
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Driftwood wrote:
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Most of that time has been spent tracking them down. Once I found them, it was a matter of keeping crazy baby momma from pulling another vanishing act, so the last year or so has been a very trying process.


Aren't there laws that are supposed to prevent that? Not to mention consequences for the parent taking the child and disappearing?
You'd be surprised how useless many laws regarding children and non-present parents are.
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#23 Sep 07 2011 at 5:01 PM Rating: Excellent
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Uglysasquatch, Mercenary Major wrote:
driftwood wrote:
Aren't there laws that are supposed to prevent that? Not to mention consequences for the parent taking the child and disappearing?
You'd be surprised how useless many laws regarding children and non-present parents are.


QFT


EDTI: Quote fail

Edited, Sep 7th 2011 4:03pm by stupidmonkey
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#24 Sep 07 2011 at 8:04 PM Rating: Good
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Professor stupidmonkey wrote:
Uglysasquatch, Mercenary Major wrote:
driftwood wrote:
Aren't there laws that are supposed to prevent that? Not to mention consequences for the parent taking the child and disappearing?
You'd be surprised how useless many laws regarding children and non-present parents are.


QFT


Doubly so when it's the father who's being excluded. The laws, and more importantly the application of the laws, are horribly skewed towards providing the mother with whatever she wants. If she wants the father involved in the child's life, the law will help her track him down and get money from him if nothing else. But if she actively chooses to avoid the father and exclude him from the child's life, the father has very very few legal options.

I feel sorry for any guy who's in this sort of situation, and wish you the best of luck.
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#25 Sep 07 2011 at 8:38 PM Rating: Good
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gbaji wrote:
Doubly so when it's the father who's being excluded. The laws, and more importantly the application of the laws, are horribly skewed towards providing the mother with whatever she wants. If she wants the father involved in the child's life, the law will help her track him down and get money from him if nothing else. But if she actively chooses to avoid the father and exclude him from the child's life, the father has very very few legal options.

I feel sorry for any guy who's in this sort of situation, and wish you the best of luck.


I rated you up for putting into words what I was thinking, and have had to deal with for the last 11 years.

Wow, I rated up Gbaaji...Will wonders never cease!
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#26 Sep 08 2011 at 3:18 AM Rating: Excellent
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Actually, in my experience, they're @#%^ed on both sides. They really do little to help out either parent, regardless of gender so long as the child is actually ok.

Quote:
If she wants the father involved in the child's life, the law will help her track him down and get money from him if nothing else.
No they won't. The laws state that they will, but they really won't do much. They'll withhold government cheques, they'll request employers garnish wages, but they won't actually enforce anything.

Edited, Sep 8th 2011 6:20am by Uglysasquatch
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#27 Sep 08 2011 at 4:32 AM Rating: Good
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Uglysasquatch, Mercenary Major wrote:
Actually, in my experience, they're @#%^ed on both sides. They really do little to help out either parent, regardless of gender so long as the child is actually ok.

Quote:
If she wants the father involved in the child's life, the law will help her track him down and get money from him if nothing else.
No they won't. The laws state that they will, but they really won't do much. They'll withhold government cheques, they'll request employers garnish wages, but they won't actually enforce anything.


They'll use it to keep people in jail longer. My Uncle is about 20 years old, has a couple kids from a couple women, and doesn't pay child support. He keeps getting thrown in jail, and when they get him for other things, they tack on time because of his lack of payment.

Of course, he'd be in jail non stop for other reasons (last time, it was assault on his roommate) but he spends a lot of time there for his lack of child support payment as well.

It seems to vary a bit by State. Michigan has a pretty heavy pro-mother side when it comes to these types of things. My aunt got her kid when she was a single, jobless teenager, and the father was a stable man, with a job and loving family. About 6 months after winning custody, she handed the kid over to his father's family because she couldn't handle not being able go out to the bars all the time.
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#28 Sep 08 2011 at 4:45 AM Rating: Good
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*big hugs for Stupidmonkey*
/so sad.

That really truly sucks.
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#29 Sep 08 2011 at 7:00 AM Rating: Good
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I hope you get to spend more time with your daughter. I would be crushed if I couldn't spend time with mine.

#30 Sep 08 2011 at 9:33 AM Rating: Good
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TirithRR the Eccentric wrote:
They'll use it to keep people in jail longer. My Uncle is about 20 years old, has a couple kids from a couple women, and doesn't pay child support. He keeps getting thrown in jail, and when they get him for other things, they tack on time because of his lack of payment.

Of course, he'd be in jail non stop for other reasons (last time, it was assault on his roommate) but he spends a lot of time there for his lack of child support payment as well.

The bolded are kind of key. If the only thing against you is not paying child support, they'll pretty much ignore you despite what the law says they'll do.
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#31 Sep 08 2011 at 9:36 AM Rating: Good
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If I were the arresting officer, I'd tack his refusal to pay child support on to his charges as well.
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#32 Sep 08 2011 at 10:48 AM Rating: Good
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I'm glad that the crazy baby mama apparently has not filled the child with hate for you, so that she at least had an enjoyable time with you. Good luck in being able to make more time with her.
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#33 Sep 08 2011 at 12:01 PM Rating: Excellent
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Monsieur Spoonless wrote:
I'm glad that the crazy baby mama apparently has not filled the child with hate for you, so that she at least had an enjoyable time with you. Good luck in being able to make more time with her.


This.

After working family law for years, the stories I hear from fathers that are trying to find a way into their child's life are absolutely heart-breaking. And I also hear the stories from the moms on why the actively try to keep the father out of their child's life. Much of it is due to vindictive grudges that the parents have against each other and the child is caught in the middle as a pawn for games.

Best suggestion I can give you, if you're contemplating getting a court order to enforce your visitation rights and custody rights is to keep a daily journal of all contact and communication that you have with your daughter and your ex, no matter how trivial you think it may be. Be as detailed as possible because you'll have to show that your ex is maintaining a pattern of behavior that is alienating you from your child.

State laws vary with respect to how child support, custody and visitation is awarded and enforced, but in California, losing custody and visitation can be used as punishment for not following a court order having anything to do with a child. The courts are loathe to do that because it's generally not held to be in the best interest of a minor child, but it does happen.

Good luck and I hope you get to see your daughter regularly!


#34 Sep 08 2011 at 1:17 PM Rating: Excellent
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Uglysasquatch, Mercenary Major wrote:
If the only thing against you is not paying child support, they'll pretty much ignore you despite what the law says they'll do.

That depends, Steve Kozlowski was arrested when he was getting off of the "party bus" at the premier to a movie for exactly this reason. My cousin was one of the arresting officers, even got his face put in the Inquirer's little article about it. This is not an uncommon occurance in MA.
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Uglysasquatch, Mercenary Major wrote:
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If she wants the father involved in the child's life, the law will help her track him down and get money from him if nothing else.
No they won't. The laws state that they will, but they really won't do much. They'll withhold government cheques, they'll request employers garnish wages, but they won't actually enforce anything.


Actually, while re-reading it, I wasn't super clear, I was thinking a bit broader than I think most are. Obviously, I don't know the specifics in this case, but the issue I was addressing is the case where the father and mother were never married and the father is excluded from the child's life. If the mother wants the father involved (even if just financially) there are many legal options open to her to identify the father and force some sort of paternity test and at least get some form of legal documentation as to the responsibility of the father for the child.

But if the mother doesn't do this, it's nearly impossible for a father to gain that legal recognition at all. Since the mother is defacto guardian/parent of the child at birth, but he's not unless they're married, he can only gain that status via some pretty difficult and expensive legal action unless she wants him to. He's at an automatic disadvantage in this area because he starts out having absolutely zero legal connection to the child. He has to first fight to gain that connection and *then* fight for custody.

It's not uncommon for the father to continue to exist in a kind of legal limbo, where the mother still treats him as the father, perhaps even expects financial help from him, but all of this is done "off the books" so to speak. He may go along with this because it's better than nothing at all, but as years go by things may change, he may be increasingly excluded and has no recourse. And, the more time passes the more difficult it is to do anything about it. The courts response is often "why did you wait X years to come to us". And there's always the concern that since whatever assistance he's been giving all those years has been under the table, he could suffer a massive financial hit if he ever succeeds in gaining legal recognition as the father. Imagine having been in this state for years, fighting through the court system to gain parental recognition, then as the judge finally grants you those rights, he also slaps you with the years of back child support the state believes you owe.

That scenario is even more common if the mother has been receiving any sort of public assistance btw. The state will see the father as having been the person who should have been paying that money and want it back from him. As unfair as that is, that's the way our laws tend to work in these cases. It sucks, but basically if the mother wants to ***** over the father in those situations, she absolutely can. And he's going to get it several times over.


This doesn't remove the fact that there are a lot of deadbeat dads on the other side of the equation, of course. Just pointing out that it's not always as cut and dried as it may look at first glance.
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#36 Sep 09 2011 at 1:41 AM Rating: Good
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#37 Aug 23 2013 at 11:06 AM Rating: Excellent
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Two years ago, I got to see my daughter.

My baby mama sent me emails at the time, talking about getting back together with me. Which I politely refused, since we were only good at two things, fighting and the thing that gave us a daughter.

She then told me I couldn't see my daughter for six months to a year. So I got a lawyer, and started what turned into a long fight for parenting time.

If only I could describe to you how ******** insane baby mama has been (Since I met her, it has gotten exponentially worse). She made accusations that her ex-husband had abused my daughter sexually, so the courts and the shrinks were, rightfully so, taking it slow to make sure that it would not cause her additional trauma. Turns out those accusations were false. And yet my daughter was, by all accounts, getting more and more withdrawn and shy. except for when she wasn't. Once, my daughter's court appointed attorney got a phone call form my "daughter" saying that she didn't want to come in to see her. Then baby mama said that it was the maternal grandmother making the call, PRETENDING to be my daughter. (Crazy runs in the family, I guess)


The Judge finally had enough, and stated that we seemed to be getting farther and farther away from parenting time, and that baby mama had done so much to isolate my daughter that she was actually harming her. Things like take her out of school to home school her. Move with her to live with her maternal grandparents in the boonies. Once, my daughter's court appointed attorney got a phone call form my Daughter saying that she didn't want to come in to see her. Then baby mama said that it was the maternal grandmother making the call, PRETENDING to be my daughter.

And, yes, she did prevent me from seeing my daughter for two years, but that will never happen again.
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#38 Aug 23 2013 at 11:15 AM Rating: Good
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Professor stupidmonkey wrote:
And, yes, she did prevent me from seeing my daughter for two years, but that will never happen again.
Sooo, what happened?
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#39 Aug 23 2013 at 11:17 AM Rating: Good
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I imagine there's a dead body and a question of the best way to dispose of the evidence is forthcoming.
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#40 Aug 23 2013 at 11:24 AM Rating: Excellent
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You have to remember that we were all under the impression that my daughter had PTSD as a result of sexual abuse by her step father, and her well-being had to come first. Since finding out that baby mama invented the abuse to exert control over my relationship with my daughter, but my daughter was now exhibiting behavior associated with PTSD (a new development), there continued to be concern about her well being.

The courts and the shrinks kept wanting to talk to my daughter to make sure she would be able to cope. Then baby mama would get a new shrink. So we would wait some more. Rinse and repeat.

I have about 60 pounds of paperwork that I can't really condense into a few posts in the OoT, but that hits some of the highlights.

Edited, Aug 23rd 2013 3:50pm by stupidmonkey
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#41 Aug 23 2013 at 11:35 AM Rating: Good
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I got that part, but I'm thinking something positive happened for you to necro a 2 year old post and I'm kind of curious what it is since you seem excited about it but haven't mentioned it yet.
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#42 Aug 23 2013 at 11:41 AM Rating: Excellent
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Oh!!! Holy crap, I forgot to say that I am on my way to see my daughter! Smiley: lol.

In like an hour and a half, her and I will spend two hours with a reunification specialist!


Edit: auto-correct shenanigans

Edited, Aug 23rd 2013 10:42am by stupidmonkey
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#43 Aug 23 2013 at 11:42 AM Rating: Good
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Professor stupidmonkey wrote:
Oh!!! Holy crap, I forgot to say that I am on my way to see my daughter! Smiley: lol.
You stupidmonkey. Smiley: oyvey

Congratulations, ya mook. Make it an awesome day.
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#44 Aug 23 2013 at 11:47 AM Rating: Good
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Keep it all positive. Good Luck.

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#45 Aug 23 2013 at 11:51 AM Rating: Decent
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Grats and all.


I might as well take this moment to thank you for reminding me of one additional reason amongst hundreds why I'm 31 without children and harbor utterly zero reasons to have crotch droppings: baby's mammas.

-NW
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#46 Aug 23 2013 at 11:51 AM Rating: Excellent
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They're not all bad. Some make really good sandwiches.
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#47 Aug 23 2013 at 11:54 AM Rating: Decent
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They're not all bad. Some make really good sandwiches.



With or without mayo?


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#48 Aug 23 2013 at 12:01 PM Rating: Good
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Grats and all.


I might as well take this moment to thank you for reminding me of one additional reason amongst hundreds why I'm 31 without children and harbor utterly zero reasons to have crotch droppings: baby's mammas.

-NW
I doubt any woman would want to have share a child with a woman-hater.

You can adopt as a single dad though.
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#49 Aug 23 2013 at 12:04 PM Rating: Good
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Professor stupidmonkey wrote:
Oh!!! Holy crap, I forgot to say that I am on my way to see my daughter! Smiley: lol.

In like an hour and a half, her and I will spend two hours with a reunification specialist!
In that case, congratz, good luck and have fun!
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Theophany wrote:
YOU'RE AN ELITIST @#%^ AETHIEN, NO WONDER YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS AND PEOPLE HATE YOU.
someproteinguy wrote:
Aethien you take more terrible pictures than a Japanese tourist.
Astarin wrote:
One day, Maz, you'll learn not to click on anything Aeth links.
#50 Aug 23 2013 at 12:04 PM Rating: Good
Skelly Poker Since 2008
*****
16,227 posts
lolgaxe wrote:
They're not all bad. Some make really good sandwiches.
Also good for back rubs and blow jobs. Smiley: smile
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Alma wrote:
Post and be happy!
#51 Aug 23 2013 at 12:05 PM Rating: Decent
*****
16,098 posts
Elinda wrote:
NaughtyWord wrote:
Grats and all.


I might as well take this moment to thank you for reminding me of one additional reason amongst hundreds why I'm 31 without children and harbor utterly zero reasons to have crotch droppings: baby's mammas.

-NW
I doubt any woman would want to have share a child with a woman-hater.

You can adopt as a single dad though.



I'm not a "woman-hater" that is. . .inaccurate.

Womanizer, philanderer, or pervert would be a much more fair charge and to which I'd plea no contest.

-NW

Edited, Aug 23rd 2013 11:06am by NaughtyWord
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The Pessimist: A person who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.
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