Is romance a real thing?Follow

I've got a pretty serious problem, and though I know a lot of criticism goes on, I'm in serios need of advice.
My marriage is on the rocks. I mean, my wife and I work different shifts, and we have to take care of our daughter and all, but she says that we just don't have a 'spark' anymore. I'm not exactly a romantic guy, so I'm looking for any suggestions that I might be able to employ in an effort to rekindle some of the passion we had when we were dating.

She likes art and the theater especially, along with fine cuisine. The real issue is how to work these things into our life when we see each other maybe an hour and a half a day.

Honestly, poems and flowers are nice and stuff. But what really makes my day, is when my boyfriend looks at me, really looks right at me, and say "man you're beautiful."

Not that hard right? you don't even have to mean it, or even be thinking about her when you're looking at her. Just say it, it's what we want to hear.

I like that too ^^

You should really spend more time together. I don't know how that would work since you both work different shifts though. =/

I'd say (Since I'm not imaginative at the moment) to do all the things listed above. Send her flowers at work. Then when you see her tell her how beautiful she is. Then spend a weekend together.

Or try to get the kid asleep before she gets home. Then (if this is at night time) light some candles in your room. Set some low romantic music (Don't wake the kid though. Keep it low lol). And do other things to make the room more romanticy. (Rose pedals on the bed, ect) Then when she gets home. Have her come to the room. Lay together and turn on your romantic charm. ;)

Or get a babysitter and go to the theater or out to eat, and enjoy yourselves. ^^





Edited, Mon Sep 13 03:45:56 2004 by Toxicgirl

If she's upset about it take it seriously, that's the first step. Do you have vacation time at your jobs? Take a big vacation. Get grandma or sister or someone to take care of your daughter a few days. Go on an adults only cruise thats known for its cuisine.

Then when you get back it might be time to re-evaluate your work situation. Your marraige is far more important than your work. Perhaps one of you should seriously consider finding a new job to get you on the same shifts. A marraige simply won't work without communication.

Whatever you do, don't wait until it's too late. Show her that she is the most important thing in the world to you. I wish you luck and hope you pull through.

I think setting your work schedules so your child can spend most of her time with her parents rather than at a daycare is really admirable. Obviously it's also very tough on you two as a couple.

That being said, it's also important that there is some time in the course of your week or weekend that you two can spend time together. Arrange your duties so if you both have weekends off, the entire time isn't spent catching up on household chores. That's no fun.

When was the last time you two went on a date? It doesn't really matter what you do as long as you both treat your time together as something special. That means when you make a date with each other, keep it! It's important. Just because you're married, it doesn't mean you should stop wooing each other.

This is going to sound silly, but if you're both out of the habit, take just a couple minutes every single day to think loving thoughts about each other. When things are tense it's far too easy to fall into thinking about only the things we don't like about our partner or relationship. Negative thoughts snowball and left unchecked, will eclipse positive ones. A sure sign that your relationship is really in need of some TLC is if it's difficult for either of you to easily think of 3 lovable traits about the other. It doesn't mean the relationship is over, just that some negative thinking needs to change.

It sounds like you really love your wife and family and know they're worth fighting for. The best of luck to you.

Ok bud listen up! First thing first. If you want to take on a good relationship you can't believe that you love the death penalty because what if your wife is right would you like to be sentenced to death? Right now, you can't love drugs because you need to be focussed on this. And you definately can't love war because in those wars there are innocent people like you who go through almost same problems like you that die. Plus who would want to go to war with an Army wife? ;) All stuff is what you got in your signature after you write a thread.

What everyone has written here is really good advice. Now that your wife mentioned this it is a serious thing but, take things a little at a time and gradually build it. If you do all this advice at once it could be overwhelming. As people, we always want more.

Some things I would like to add is buy a couple of cook books and cook together since she like fine cuisine. Women love flowers. After working so much its got to be hard to smile so smile every now and then. Tell her how much you appreciate her. If you still play FFXI, play it when she's not home ONLY. I love the game and its very addicting for time spent. I'm definately not the romantic type too but, do go to a theatre play. I've been to one once and it wasn't so bad. Women LOVE romance. Look up romantic stories on the net or something when she's not home and do something that you feel is you.

I hope I helped you somewhat. Situations like these are very uncomfortable and even more complex when you have a child. Keep this thread going and let me know how things are every once in awhile. I hope things work out.

My fiance and i have this deal...

once a month (and this is mandatory) we have a "Date Night"

we go out to a nice dinner and spend time together...

she has a daughter so most of the time we are concentrateing on getting **** around the house done and helping her daughter with homework.

make time for your loved one.

make it work...

show her that you care...

and last but not least....

both of you need to sit down and re-evaluate your working hours....

Anaximander,

I applaud your honesty for posting this. It is easier to talk to strangers sometimes. You got real guts since I have seen the most innocent and honest thread hi-jacked by the knobs that use the anonymity of the internet to get in touch with thier inner a**holes.

My advice to you is this: Rub her feet

Simple. Do the things you used to do when you were dating and treat her the way you used to treat her when you were dating. It's not like she's an old shoe or anything and has gone out of fashion.

That's the spark she's talking about.

Totem

The 'spark' she is talking about has to do with everything that you did while you were dating her. After she was sucessfully 'courted' there was no more need for that, at least that is what you may have thought. If you give a woman special treatment just once, and they enjoy it, they will always want it afterwards, even though they may not say it.

The thing a woman really wants you to do is know her. Do things for her without her asking. You can't expect to border on pre-cognition, but if you have been with her for more than a month you know what makes her really happy. With most women, it is the small things that really matter, stuff us guys would never even think about, even though we generally are very simple.

You must have been romantic at some point, that is why she fell for you in the first place. You just have to remember what about you she thought was worthy enough to marry you. Chances are it was more than just one thing.

As for some general romantic suggestions, well, I would start with the basics. Flowers are always good, but don't overuse them. I would go about 2-3 months between each purchase. That way, she cherishes each time that she gets them. If she gets them same time every week, they will start to be an expectation. A homecooked dinner by you would be very good. If you are intimitated by cooking, don't be, if you can put a computer together or just a toy for your daughter you can easily follow a recipie. This is one of my favorites: http://www.theromantic.com/recipes/mustardchicken.htm
Another good thing is to go for a twilight walk around town or a park. Movies are great too, but let her pick, or put serious consideration into what she would like and pick for the both of you. Eat dinner before you go, pay for her ticket, if you must insist on something to snack on while in the theatre then get something like a frozen coke or a freeze, but only one, with one straw. Hold her hand through the movie, put an arm around her or something to make contact, but don't be inappropriate.

You both can still learn a lot from eachother and discover things that you don't know. You just have to be willing to look for them.

sorry bro, its all over, don't try be optimistic, it won't get you anywhere, it never does, just move on

Yours sincerely, councellor dracoid

True! My wife occasionally says, "You never bring me flowers anymore!"
I think I'll get some flowers on the way home tonight...