I have a few here that you might've already heard, but I'm posting them anyway.
A pirate walks into a bar. Strangely enough, he's got a steering wheel sticking out of his pants zipper. The bartender says, "Do you know you've got a steering wheel on your willy?" The pirate responds,
"Arr, it's driving me nuts."
A dumb blond is going ice fishing. She brings her supplies to the ice, and starts to drill a hole. All of a sudden, a booming voice says, "THERE IS NO FISH UNDER THAT ICE." Nervous, the blond quickly moves to another spot and starts to drill a hole. "THERE IS NO FISH UNDER THAT ICE." Scared now, the blond heats up her thermos and takes a drink. A little calmer now, she moves to yet another spot and starts to drill. Once again, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THAT ICE." Extremely scared now, the blond says,
"Is... th..that y-y-y-you, Lord?"
"NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK."
A girl in school comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, I was the best at the ABC's today. I knew them from A to Z!" The mom responds,
"Well honey, that's because your blond."
The girl comes home the next day and says,
"Mommy, I was the best in math today! I knew all of my multiplication tables!" The mom says,
"Honey, that's because you're blond." The next day she comes home from gym class, and while the class was showering the other girls were looking at her because she had a more... generous bosom... you get the idea. Well, she says,
"Mommy, why is my body more shapely and better than everyone elses?"
"Honey, that's because you're 26."