You can say it never happened to you.
You can say to just build your own parties (which doesn't solve the problem).
It doesn't solve the problem and will likely end up like the situation you just described unless you do it with friends.
You could say to only play with friends (which may work to a degree).
That requires having friends, which seems mundane in a MMORPG, but I like to do my own thing and not rely on others.
In a perfect world, people wouldn't bat an eye. It'd just be another way someone plays the job that works.
You would think; however, like I said earlier, people in general (not all) follow fads and refuse to try anything differently.
The whole, "@#%^ off, I'll play how I want!" mentality some have expressed in the past isn't particularly endearing, especially if trying to turn around and say they're still a team player. And yeah, there's a difference between being that and the party's ****, but I think most of us have been around long enough to know that people were happy with having the latter back in the day. Just simple, albeit boring expectations, for a given result. Deviation, of course, could threaten that result. Full circle sheep sheep baaaw ram ewe, etc..
What really hurts is that the people who use that excuse, to do what they want, are usually wrong. So that doesn't help the cause either. I've seen people who say that and excel at their job, just haven't been the norm in my experience.
For all the RDM horror stories that have proliferated the boards over the years, the good ones involving the melee types aren't too common. Sure, the FFXI community seems to have an unfortunate fondness for drama, but the reactions drawn are still a reflection of the community. Some are direct from a player posting their own experiences. Others can be word of mouth. And any time a "good" story might come about, you can be sure someone was waiting to swoop in and find a way to tear it down. Low EXP/hr? Their fault. Actually do okay on a parse? Your other DDs sucked. Try to defend yourself? Don't bother, they did the math and are always in superior parties. Always. Such things can linger and otherwise neutral outsiders could be jaded by such happenings. Basically, there's only so much we can do without SE stepping in and basically slapping wrists through code changes.
I've seen the evolution of RDM melee support on this forum. I remember being the lone ranger on RDM melee back in 2003. Now, the people who are flat out against RDM melee in most, if not all scenarios, (at least from the RDM player base) seems to be the minority.
And as someone who had a lot of jobs under their belt, I'm not really ashamed to say that if something was a better suited for a task, I'd switch to it instead of forcing it. It's not me hating on RDM (at least not when exploits weren't involved), it's just knowing limits are there and have been there for times it perhaps took too long for others to come around and see, but by then, we got what we have now.
That was the entire reason why I leveled WHM. Main healing as RDM in events just plain sucked. I remember a time where my WHM had more game time than RDM, because I got tired of trying to be a WHM as a RDM.