This was orignally posted on the main worldofwarcraft forums by a player named Kruunch. I found it pretty funny. Figured we could use a few laughs.
I've been playing WoW for a few months now and here are my major beefs with the game ....
1) Quests require too much reading. This is the computer age. I should click on an NPC and a glowing arrow should point me to the correct spot and the objectives should blink a lot, or glow, or have a sign above their heads saying "kill me for ph4t l3wtZ".
2) Characters aren't customizable enough. I should be able to choose from a variety of 987 different butt cheek tatoos that other players can see through my greaves/belt/weapon/packs/armor/clothing.
3) I dislike the location of the servers. I live in Guam and connect to the Internet via GilliganNet (two coconuts and some thistle string). If my latency gets above 19, I won't buy this game.
4) Undead walk unnaturely. This is unnatural for an unnatural PC to naturally do. Naturally.
5) The Horde side has 12,342,221 instances of PeaceBloom and the Alliance side has only 12,342,218. Obviously the Horde side will suffer from increased Potion mudflation as everyone plays an Alchemist on the Horde side and this game just winds up being a twink fest of Mr. Magoo's Magical ManGoo potions.
6) I dislike the fact that when I enter the game for the first time I have to walk 10 game feet to the first quest giver. I would suggest a teleporter mechanism be placed in to overcome this senseless tedium.
7) Mages suck because they can only blow things up in a half dozen ways. Please let them blow things up in a dozen or more ways.
8) I feel that the Polymorph Other spell is biased against all creatures other than Sheep and men from Scotland.
9) I dislike the lack of standardization that WoW doesn't appear to want to adhere to. When the servers go down, they come back up in about 2.5 minutes. I regulate some pretty important facets of my life around game servers going down for at least 2 or more hours at a clip. Because of Blizzard's lack of thoughtfulness, I now have a permanent hair condition after trying to make toast and shower at the sametime.
10) Finally I dislike all this talk about more content being pushed BEFORE release. Everyone knows that successful MMOGs start out with as little content as possible and make their fan bases whine until they can release more content at software release prices. That and how will I ever get to take a break to feed the kids their one meal if there is *that* much stuff to do?!
In closing I would like to say that although I've been playing this game for free for the past 4 months, I have spent a lot of time reviewing and testing your obviously inferior product.
As such I'm suing you for $3,540,000,000.32
Please make the check payable to:
John Smedley