This is exactly, precisely, on the nose, no doubt about it, the number one reason why this game is doomed.
IGE owns it!
There is such a stigma against buying gil, but almost EVERYONE does it, especially at the endgame levels. There's no honest way around it, unless you spend your entire waking life in front of the screen, monotonously killing the same things over and over in an attempt to afford something useful.
It's a reasonable attitude; there are only about six useful items in the entire goddamn game. It's not that 'parties fight things they weren't intended to!'...it's that individual players are hopelessly underpowered, to the point where a raw character at level 75, without stat boosts and gear boosts, is worthless against anything even approaching his own level. Unless you buy one of the six existing items that are decent, you are, as the OP tacitly puts it, worthless.
Why? Oh, it keeps you playing.
Celly, this was a lovely novel about the results of never leaving one's chair. It's ALL brainless work; melee damage dealing isn't the beginning and end. Frustration does not equal mental difficulty; it's tempting to SAY so, especially when you've spent, oh, five years of your life doing nothing else, but nothing good comes of it. It's all brainless work, most especially the earning of hard-won gil in order to keep up with the asshat next door with more money than God, and fewer brains than the average housecat.
The OP is correct. Your merit = your credit card, the sellers control the market. If you think it isn't so, look at the sheer size of the RMT business, and the gear being sported by the average level 75 player, then traipse on over to the AH and check out the associated cost. It's not space engineering here, guys.
It really doesn't matter as to whether the OP buys gil or not: the tradeoff wasn't pretty, either. The gil she didn't buy, she wasted years of her life gaining. Crafting? Tell me about it. I had two characters with four maxed craft skills combined. Absolutely ridiculous amount of time spent, and I'd give an awful lot to have all that wasted time back, to spend doing something useful.
So, you have that choice: slowly yank twenty million gil out of FFXI's economy (I once spent three months mining for one goddamned pair of gloves. Oh was that fun or what!), or go buy the gil. Almost everyone picks the latter, you can hardly blame them: IGE has FFXI's userbase by the short hairs, and the game is doomed for it.
All of this could have been avoided if someone had left that truckload of **** retentiveness out when they were programming the game. But hey, if centuries spent killing the same mob over and over hoping for that extra-rare drop is what trips it for you...well, that's, ah...that's sad.
Ever wonder how the survivors in the life boats felt as they watched Titanic go down? I'm kind of wondering why so many people are still on the boat, to be honest with you.
Good post.