What GM's do in thier spare time vol. 1Follow

i respect the opinions of people who were offended by the last story (although i don't understand what Tefa and Amggot means.... yes, i'm a fob)

BUT the world is becoming a place where somewhat offending jokes and comedies are becoming more popular (ie Scary Movie, White Chicks, South Park, and almost everything on Comedy Central)

SO, anyways, about the solution
how's that going Alcer? ^^

Volume 14

Kmartaru: I.. have a cunning plan..

Bob: ... I dont want to hear it.

*Kmartaru gives a very cute and sad face*
Bob: Oh alright
Kmartaru: The solution-lution is a simple one. What we do is phone-call Bahamut, and tell him to eat the ugly big person outside.
Bob: oh yeah! His wounds should have been healed long ago.

*ding-a-ling*
*ding-a-ling*
*ding-a-ling*

<Bahamutsvoicemail>: Hellooo. You have reached my number. I am probably here right now, but I dont give a sh*t about whoever you are so I'm not going to answer. If its important, you'll call again after leaving a pointless message. If you feel like leaving one anyone, then go ahead and waste your time. But if you call more then three times I will eat you. ALIVE.

*beep*

Bob: GET THE FUK ON THE PHONE YOU LAZY ASS WIPING DRAGON! ITS ME BOB! I KNOW YOUR THERE!!! I KNOWW!!!

Bahamut: .. what is it.
Bob: We got captured by a big ugly giant. I want you to come to <po> and eat him.
Bob: Woops sorry. I meant (G-3)
Bahamut: Well you know what, I'm on strike.
Bob: ...
Bahamut: Thats right. I'm tired of being your bitch, at your beck and call when I could eat you anytime I want. I like it here at Oracles house better. Theres cookies and kids to play with, a big house, money, woman, and cookies. Did I mention coo-
Bob: yes you did.
Bahamut: oh.
Bob: Fine, be that way.

*click*

Bob: Well there goes our only chance.

Kmartaru: ha HA! I know what to do! We should turn into a rock.
Bob: .. a rock.
Kmartaru: Yes, you know the hard grey thin-
Bob: I KNOW WHAT A ROCK IS.
Kmartaru: Yay, then we both know-wo what we do.
Bob: ...

*4 seconds pass*

Kmartaru: Well what you wait for?
Bob: So what do we do after turning into a rock....
Kmartaru: Then we hide in the corner and pretend like a stone! pffftt.. thats an obvious one-taru. Even measy-weasy know.

*Bob punches Kmartaru in the face*

Bob: Ouch!
Bob: Shh.. we must not let the giant overhear us plotting.
Kmartaru: You have plan-wan?
Bob: Not as such..

Kmartaru: Good. Because I.. have a even more cunning-wunning plan. muahahahahha!!
*Kmartaru does the Panic Dance*
*Kmartaru claps his hands*
*Kmartaru gives a triumphant cry!*

Bob: .. ugh... my brain cells are deterieroting from just standing close to this buffoon.
Kmartaru: ok, ok. What we do is.. we befriend the big nice giant who give me watermelon, then we kill big un-nice giant who put us in roomie!!
Bob: The "big nice giant" IS the "big un-nice giant who put us in roomie".
Kmartaru: huh?

Bob: AH HA!

Kmartaru: ?
Bob: Your plan just might work...

************* Midnight ********************

*Bob starts clawing at the lock on the jail cell*

<ancientbeast>: Me catch you trying to escape! Har har!

Bob: What crime is it to try to escape certain death when you have commited no crime.
<ancientbeast>: Shuttup, me no listen you.
<ancientbeast>: I�m going to stand right here, don�t even think leaving.

*<ancientbeast> sits down right in front of the cell *

Bob: Anyways.. so�
Kmartaru: The time is now! Lets spring into action!

*Kmartaru wraps his hand around himself, curls into a ball and takes out a grey blankey*

Bob: �
Kmartaru: *whisper*c�mon! take this camoflauging cloak!*whisper*
Bob: �
Kmartaru: Now, to jump into the cor-
Bob: �
*punch*

Bob(loudvoice): So.. I saw this really beautiful giant in town when we passed by..
Kmartaru: ??
*<ancientbeast> pretends to be asleep, his ears shoot upwards*
Bob(loudvoice): She had a great big beard, hairy arms and a gigantic body.
*<ancientbeast> chuckles secretly*
Bob(loudvoice): And she looked mighty healthy to me..
*<ancientbeast> gives a great big smile*

*********** Morning ******************

Bob: So you gonna kill us now?
Kmartaru: NNNNNOOOOOooooooooo��

<ancientbeast>: actually� little ploy no work�
Bob: What ploy
Kmartaru: What ploy
<ancientbeast>: Pretend to be rock trick! Me no fall for noobish tricks!
Bob: �
Kmartaru: So now-taru we die?
*Kmartaru does the panic dance!*

<ancientbeast>: noo.. me free you and go with you to town. Then you will show me beauty. When I see her, you will get your �item�
Bob: Ah crap.
Kmartaru: yaytaru!
<ancientbeast>: Me super lonely these couple hundreds of years�

Bob: There is just one problem.
<ancientbeast>: ?
Bob: Team Faggot has captured our friend Joe who is the only person who knows where she is.
<ancientbeast>: No problem.

<ancientbeast>: TEM FUUUGGGUUTT!!!

Tefa: Yes sir!
Amggot: Yes sir!

<ancientbeast>: Bring back Joe!

Tefa & Amggot: Sir yes sir!

*10 minutes later*

Joe: BOB!! OMFG!! SAV-
<ancientbeast>: SILLEEENNCEEE!!!!
Joe: whatever you say boss

<ancientbeast>: Tem fuggut, go now.
Tefa & Amggot: Will do command!
*The two exit scene*

<ancientbeast>: Now go town.

*The four start walking down them mountain*

Kmartaru: YAYTARU!!!
Bob: Dude what happened to you?
Joe: ><
Joe: You don�t wanna know man
Bob: C�mon man
Joe: � they kept making me� eat�

*Marketplace*

<Randomsalesman1> Nuts! Nuts for sale! Nuts +1 for only $2.00 more!
Joe: eat..
Bob: C�mon man, you�ve been stuttering for 2 hours straight.
Joe: eat�
<Randomsalesman9> Hotdogs! Fresh Hotdogs!
Joe: eat.. cookies..
Bob: oh big deal.
Joe: but there was a LOT of them! They kept feeding them to me! I think I wont eat another cookie in my life�
*Joe blows his nose*

Kmartaru: !!
<randomsalesman9> !!
Kmartaru: WALMARTARU!!!!
<randomsalesman9> KMARTARU!!!

Walmartaru: KMARTARU!!!
Kmartaru: WALMARTARU!!!
Walmartaru: KMARTARU!!!
Kmartaru: WALMARTARU!!!
Walmartaru: KMARTARU!!!
Kmartaru: WALMARTARU!!!

Bob: Oh god.
<ancientbeast>: Silence!

Kmartaru: Long time no see! So busyness good?
Walmartaru: Busyness super good! Me selling lotsa lotsa stufftaru!
Kmartaru: Me tootaru!
Walmartaru: I sell Hotdogs and Cookies
Joe: /shudder
Walmartaru: and plastic and garbage and canned soup and canned food and canned meat and spam and fruits and apples and oranges and bananas and lotsa lotsa stufftaru!
Kmartaru: Like whataru?
Walmartaru: like pencils and pencil sharpeners and computers and photos and cameras and tables and furniture and desks and chairs and magazines and trees and food and cookies
Joe: /shudder
Walmartaru: and real estate and bags and animals and pets too! What about you!
Kmartaru: lotsa lotsa stuff! Like-

Bob: STFU!!!

Kmartaru: My friend is very meantaru, ok see you soon walmartaru!
Walmartaru: Bye! May your busyness be super-duper goodtaru!

<ancientbeast>: Ok, where beauty.
Bob: uh.. where was he Joe
Joe: Say what?
Bob: You know� the beauty
Joe: That mithra we sa-
Bob(clenchedteeth): noo.. the giant beauty
Joe: OH! He went this way
*Joe points in <randomdirection1>*

Bob: Divert his attention while I make a call
Joe: k
Kmartaru: Sir yes sirreebob!

Kmartaru: WHOA! LOOK OVER THERE!!
<ancientbeast>: ?
Kmartaru: pst pst.. do it nowtaru!

Bob: �.

<anicientbeast>: ??
Joe: Well beast, let me describe this beauty to you

Bob: ..yeah.. please� last� ime..
Joe: Yeah so she was like totally awesome
Bob: beard� wig� tail..
Joe: You know the whole package
<ancientbeast>: *chuckle*
Bob: gil..cookie
Joe: /shudder
Bob: � monster.. eat�em..

*click*

Joe: Yeah you know the drill when it comes to beauties don�t you! You beast! Hahaha
<ancientbeast>: haha.
Bob: Okay its done
Joe: What we do now?
Bob: Lead him to the plains
Joe: k

*1 hour later*

<ancientbeast> WHERE BEAUTY! ME NO WAIT LONGER!!!
Bob: Just wait, this is where we saw her
Joe: Yup
Kmartaru: Yup

*whoosh*

Bob: Here he..uh .. she comes!

Bahamut: Alright, where my gil and cookie
Joe: /shudder
Bahamut: And is this the beast?

<ancientbeast>: BEAUTY!!!!
Bahamut: WtF?
<ancientbeast>: Here take �item�!

*<ancientbeast> throws the glitch to Bob*

Bum bum bum buum bum bum buum bum buuum!

Bob: Ta-da!
Bahamut: wtf?
Bahamut: OMFG!!! GET HIM OFF ME!! GET HI-

Bob: Hurry! Lets get outta here!

Gmdev: Hurry back to the lounge! Theres not a moment to lose!


To be continued�

Yah, its all good. My favorite part of the whole series is, and will probably remain:



That is fsking brilliant man. EPIC GENIUS. A timeless and hilarious truth.

Star wars, hmmm. People didnt really like/respond to the Matrix and LOTR references. Except from the comment from thenaturalstyles. Lotta ppl did like the Blackadder ones. Team Rocket and the Trainers were Pokemon references if you missed it.

Lol, the first couple ones werent even a story, it was just random incidents. You guys like that better?

Yeah i forgot to tell you when i was reading the part about Bahamut going on strike first Voice that poped in my head was Satan of South park =P

I think the whole series is hilarious! Keep up the great work!

ROFLMAO~

its 2am and i almost woke my sister up laughing.

i only laugh this much at the simpsons make another one......... oor ill send a GM after you.

another moment of painful laughter... omfg.....that was priceless.

If I could offer some constructive advice, while still hilariously random and very funny, I think it lacks what the initial 5 chapters had going for it. You know those random issues that EVERY players deals with and making a story out of it. Bob and Joe as gobs getting pulled was just the best! Now, it doesn't even seem to be connected to FFXI anymore, nor are they GMs. And no hits for XXXXXXXXXXXXX dmg. While it's still a hilarious story, it's not an FFXI story anymore. Thanks for the fantastic story Alacer!

drink beer and fart

When we can look forward to seeing this in Macrovision.

THIS IS HILLARIOUS!!!

GREAT JOB

OMG i love these stories!!! I've never had much time to surf....work all day play FFXI all night >_<!! but i loved these stories so much i just printed them all!!!! Alacer YOU ROCK!!!!!!!

BTW this is like my second post lol ^_^;;;;;

Make Taru trains that run all over Windy.

"story" Last weekend a GM came out of hiding and was walking around windy when a couple of taru's started auto following him...pretty soon he had a whole train of them following him around... ^_^

Thanks for keeping up with the story!
I think it's fantastic and am always laughing when i read it.

Walmartaru lol

Tefa and Amggot
Te---------am
---fa----------ggot

I give you the members of "Team Faggot"
If you've ever actually seen an episode of that horrifying show Pokemon, then you'll know that that reference is actually pretty accurate...^^

Edited, Sat Jul 31 15:43:24 2004 by Evrae

have you met that dude, you know, bumpedy-bump Mcbumperstein

Boy oh boy, I sure love to BUMP this thread! :D

Haha I loved the rock trick from LOTR nice. *punch* haha thats always fun. Oh and Alcer with your permission I think It would be nice If I made a thread with All of your story Chapters in a row. That way people can read them all without going through all of the pointless flames about how you suck (in which NO way is true your stories are awsome keep up the good work ^_^). I just figured I would ask you before I posted them all at once.

EDIT: I couldnt wait any longer :P I made the thread with all of the stories. Alcer If you disaprove just tell me and I will Edit the post blank.

Edited, Sun Aug 1 12:32:48 2004 by Aygen

Socom is a very good game. I still play II often. #1 has gone to the dogs though ... with all of the gameshark codebreaker codes. What I cant wait for is the damned maps that are supposed to be coming out soon.

Socom huh?
Coulda sworn the 'pwn' and 'terrorists win' and such lines were references to counter-strike O_o

KIKS ASS!!!!!! LMAO! bump!

Bob: Anyways.. so�
Kmartaru: The time is now! Lets spring into action!

*Kmartaru wraps his hand around himself, curls into a ball and takes out a grey blankey*

Bob: �
Kmartaru: *whisper*c�mon! take this camoflauging cloak!*whisper*
Bob: �
Kmartaru: Now, to jump into the cor-
Bob: �
*punch*

lol, reminds me of konohamaru in naruto =D