Not-quite-legal disclaimer: This thread is intended to make you laugh. This is not a rant or flame thread, nor is it intended to offend. The opinions expressed here do not necessarily reflect that of ffxi.allakhazam.com or my imaginary friends who produced this thread.
Hmm... This didn't turn out nearly as well as I hoped it would. I lost my inspiration about 10 minutes into writing it... :( Not that I'm saying it's bad, just not quite as good as I had originally envisioned it. I still think it's pretty amusing anyway, so enjoy it! If you don't I'll sick some rabid monkey-wyvern-squirrels on ya! They'll gnaw on your nuts!
Today's episode: The joys of forming a party.
*A THF and a DRG are sitting in a bar in lower Jeuno late at night still trying to score a party.*
THF: Man this sucks... I hate waiting for party invites
THF: Yeah, me too... *sips drink*
*DRG drains glass and orders another drink*
DRG: Yep... I'm wondering if I'll ever get my level back.
THF: You de-leveled? Man, that's gotta suck. How close to leveling are you?
DRG: Meh... only about 2k
THF: 2k? How many times did you die???
DRG: I dunno, I lost count. I used to be 2k over my level and now I'm 2k under.
THF: How did you get so far back?
DRG: Well I ---
*sexy Mithran WHM walks by*
*DRG and THF do the cash register routine as their jaws hit the floor*
*WHM is immediately surrounded by 10 other players, picks out 5 and immediately goes off to gain lots and lots of exp*
THF: Man... I sure wish I could get parties like that... what were you saying, DRG... you know, before the WHM got here.
DRG: Oh yeah, I was talking about how I deleveld... I lagged out and got skaughtered by a goblin.
THF: Ouch >_<
DRG: Yeah, goblin starts walkin over towards me, I try to attack it but I'm frozen, I can't move, I can't attack, I can't activate my macros, nothin.
THF: Man, that really sucks.
DRG: Yup, died and deleveled... then since I can't find a regular party I join a party in crawlers nest to go for quest items even though I already have it... Very slow exp is better than no exp at all. I figured I could at least get my level back.
THF: I take it that didn't work.
DRG: Nope, I ended up dying 3 or 4 times and lost exp... all I got out of it was 1 beastman seal, 1 woozyshroom, and 3 sleepshrooms... oh yeah, and an exp debt plus 5 hours of wasted time.
THF: I'm gonna send a few tells
>>PTleader1 {Excuse me...} Is anyone in your party leaving any time soon? I am a THF/NIN LFG @2,285,300,258.2957
PTleader1>> nope, sorry
>>PTleader2 {Excuse me...} Is anyone in your party leaving any time soon? I am a THF/NIN LFG @2,285,300,258.2957
*10 minutes pass with no reply*
>>PTleader3 {Excuse me...} Is anyone in your party leaving any time soon? I am a THF/NIN LFG @2,285,300,258.2957
PTleader3>> {I'm sorry} {I don't speak English}
THF: >_<
>>PTleader4 {Excuse me...} Is anyone in your party leaving any time soon? I am a THF/NIN LFG @2,285,300,258.2957
PTleader4>> OMG UR N00B! 3y3 AM teh UUber l33t $H!T3, don'7 F*cK w!T M3! I w!ll PWN UR @$$!
>>PTleader4 Jeez, sorry, no need to be an @$$hole about it!
PTleader4>> OMG UR MOM!!!
THF: I hate people...
*SMN walks over to bar where the DRG, THF, and MNK are sitting and orders a drink*
SMN: You two looking for parties too? How long have you been here?
THF: 3 hours
DRG: 4 weeks *chugs drink, orders another, and drains that one also*
SMN: Man, finding a party sure is rough
THF: What are you talking about, you're a mage. You should have no trouble finding a party.
SMN: Hah! Nobody wants summoners, they all want white mages and red mages.
*PLD walks over and takes a seat*
PLD: Hey guys how's it going?
THF: ...
DRG: ...
SMN: ...
PLD: Oops, got a call *whips out his tellphone* Uh huh... do you have a whm? ... ... Do you have a Red Mage?... Do you have a bard? ... hmmmm... Ranks? ... 7??? that's it??? What's the average worth of each person's equipment in gil? ... Uh huh... WHAT??? only 2 million??? WTF did you invite a MNK for anyway??? Kick their @$$ out or I don't party! Oh, you got a DRK? Great, I'm on my way.
*THF, SMN, and DRG stare at PLD, shocked*
PLD: Man, some people these days just don't know how to put together a good party. Are you guys looking for a pt here too?
*PLD examines you PLD examines you PLD examines you*
THF: yeah...
SMN: yup
DRG: ...
PLD: Oh... well, later! *mumbles under breath as he walks away* stupid idiots don't know what a good job is *starts laughing*
DRG: If I wasn't in town, I would sick my wyvern on him /fume
*DRG smiles warmly at female Hume WAR/NIN*
*RDM looks at DRG scornfully and puts up seek PT flag*
MNK: hey guys /sigh
THF: Hey MNK, what are you doing here? I htought you had a party.
MNK: It disbanded :( *puts seek flag up again*
*RDM seek flag disappears and she walks out of the bar with a very smug grin on her face*
SMN: Man, that's rough
DRG: /sh WILL GIVE HEAD FOR EXP! PLZ INVITE ME TO A PARTY!!!
ANONPTLEADER>> You want a pt?
anonpartyleader offers to trade with you
*DRG trades anonpartyleader a handfull of bronze bolt heads*
anonptleader: WTF is this? U R teh uber n00b! STFU! OMG UR MOM!!! *walks away*
DRG: ...
THF: ...
SMN: ...
MNK: ...
SMN: Let's try to make our own party. I think we could do pretty well if we just added a healer and a tank.
*the MNK, DRG, SMN, and THF form a pt and send out /tells to several mages and tanks*
WHMreply1>> Do you have a tank?
>>WHMreply1 Not yet, but we're working on it, you interested?
>>Whmreply1 ... ... ... hello?
WHMreply1>> {English} {I don't understand}
TankReply1>> Do you have a WHM?
>>TankReply1 Not yet, but I'm working on it...
Tankreply2>> Do you have a whm?
>>Tankreply2 I sent tells to a couple WHMs...
TankReply2>> OMG U R teh N00B sauce!! F*C# U!
>>TankReply2 >_< that was pretty rude...
TankReply2>> OMG UR MOM!!!
WHMreply2>> Do you have a RDM?
>>WHMreply2 Sorry, no :\
>>WHMreply2 ... you still there?
WHMreply2>> Ummm... no... I'm AFK...
MNK: That's it, I'm logging out. Good luck!
*MNK logs out*
SMN: W00T!!! I got a pt! Later!
DRG: /sigh
THF: /sigh
DRG: Well, I think I'm gonna log too. This is going nowhere fast.
Sorrynoenglish>> #(%) %&!#($&*_ @(*&@!# @(#PT!!)%*!
DRG: oh, I got a tell from a JP about a party
>>Sorrynoenglish {I'm sorry} {I don't speak any Japanese} {Please use the auto-translate function}
*5 minutes pass with no reply*
DRG: Damn, I wish I could speak Japanese :(
Sorrynoenglish>> {I'm sorry}
DRG: ARGH!!!!! I thought I was gonna actually get into a party too!!!
THF: You're probably too damn drunk to party anyway...
DRG: Nonsense! I'm not as think as you drunk I am!
THF: ...
DRG: You knew what I meant!... I'm gonna try to solo for a bit... I heard that DRG/BLM was a great combinations for soloing... my blm is level 5, I'm gonna give it a shot.
THF: That's a pretty underleveled sub...
DRG: Yeah... but slow exp is better than nothing...
*goes off to hunt for a bit*
THF: ... ... ... man, it's lonely in here...
*20 minutes pass... DRG walks back in*
THF: Hey man, welcome back... decided not to go level?
DRG: No... I went to try to level...
THF: ???
DRG: I'm now 3,000 TNL >_<
THF: Oh... that sucks...
DRG: BARTENDER! 3 more...
*guzzles down all 3 drinks in record time*
THF: Man, that can't be good for ya...
DRG: Don't worry, I can handle it! I have a separate stomach just for cake and ice cream!
THF: ooooooooookay then... ... ... ... Hey, I just got a party invite, see ya later!
*DRG drools all over himself and drowns*
DRG: NOOOOOOOOO!!!! 4k tnl now /cry
DRG: 7yyg76hyu76yh7 *head banging on keyboard*
*the sound of a somputer monitor being thrown out a window is heard, followed by the sound of a computer landing on the remains of the monitor*
RNG: What was that noise? I couldn't hear through all the party invites. Now... should I go get exp or do a BCNM or go hunt an NM or solo on some worms or...