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Crazy's crazy realm of crazy craziness... Vol 1Follow

#1 May 05 2004 at 8:03 AM Rating: Excellent
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294 posts
Not-quite-legal disclaimer: This thread is intended to make you laugh. This is not a rant or flame thread, nor is it intended to offend. The opinions expressed here do not necessarily reflect that of ffxi.allakhazam.com or my imaginary friends who produced this thread.

Hmm... This didn't turn out nearly as well as I hoped it would. I lost my inspiration about 10 minutes into writing it... :( Not that I'm saying it's bad, just not quite as good as I had originally envisioned it. I still think it's pretty amusing anyway, so enjoy it! If you don't I'll sick some rabid monkey-wyvern-squirrels on ya! They'll gnaw on your nuts!

Today's episode: The joys of forming a party.

*A THF and a DRG are sitting in a bar in lower Jeuno late at night still trying to score a party.*

THF: Man this sucks... I hate waiting for party invites

THF: Yeah, me too... *sips drink*

*DRG drains glass and orders another drink*
DRG: Yep... I'm wondering if I'll ever get my level back.

THF: You de-leveled? Man, that's gotta suck. How close to leveling are you?

DRG: Meh... only about 2k

THF: 2k? How many times did you die???

DRG: I dunno, I lost count. I used to be 2k over my level and now I'm 2k under.

THF: How did you get so far back?

DRG: Well I ---
*sexy Mithran WHM walks by*
*DRG and THF do the cash register routine as their jaws hit the floor*
*WHM is immediately surrounded by 10 other players, picks out 5 and immediately goes off to gain lots and lots of exp*

THF: Man... I sure wish I could get parties like that... what were you saying, DRG... you know, before the WHM got here.

DRG: Oh yeah, I was talking about how I deleveld... I lagged out and got skaughtered by a goblin.

THF: Ouch >_<

DRG: Yeah, goblin starts walkin over towards me, I try to attack it but I'm frozen, I can't move, I can't attack, I can't activate my macros, nothin.

THF: Man, that really sucks.

DRG: Yup, died and deleveled... then since I can't find a regular party I join a party in crawlers nest to go for quest items even though I already have it... Very slow exp is better than no exp at all. I figured I could at least get my level back.

THF: I take it that didn't work.

DRG: Nope, I ended up dying 3 or 4 times and lost exp... all I got out of it was 1 beastman seal, 1 woozyshroom, and 3 sleepshrooms... oh yeah, and an exp debt plus 5 hours of wasted time.

THF: I'm gonna send a few tells

>>PTleader1 {Excuse me...} Is anyone in your party leaving any time soon? I am a THF/NIN LFG @2,285,300,258.2957

PTleader1>> nope, sorry

>>PTleader2 {Excuse me...} Is anyone in your party leaving any time soon? I am a THF/NIN LFG @2,285,300,258.2957

*10 minutes pass with no reply*

>>PTleader3 {Excuse me...} Is anyone in your party leaving any time soon? I am a THF/NIN LFG @2,285,300,258.2957

PTleader3>> {I'm sorry} {I don't speak English}

THF: >_<

>>PTleader4 {Excuse me...} Is anyone in your party leaving any time soon? I am a THF/NIN LFG @2,285,300,258.2957

PTleader4>> OMG UR N00B! 3y3 AM teh UUber l33t $H!T3, don'7 F*cK w!T M3! I w!ll PWN UR @$$!

>>PTleader4 Jeez, sorry, no need to be an @$$hole about it!

PTleader4>> OMG UR MOM!!!

THF: I hate people...

*SMN walks over to bar where the DRG, THF, and MNK are sitting and orders a drink*

SMN: You two looking for parties too? How long have you been here?

THF: 3 hours

DRG: 4 weeks *chugs drink, orders another, and drains that one also*

SMN: Man, finding a party sure is rough

THF: What are you talking about, you're a mage. You should have no trouble finding a party.

SMN: Hah! Nobody wants summoners, they all want white mages and red mages.

*PLD walks over and takes a seat*
PLD: Hey guys how's it going?

THF: ...
DRG: ...
SMN: ...

PLD: Oops, got a call *whips out his tellphone* Uh huh... do you have a whm? ... ... Do you have a Red Mage?... Do you have a bard? ... hmmmm... Ranks? ... 7??? that's it??? What's the average worth of each person's equipment in gil? ... Uh huh... WHAT??? only 2 million??? WTF did you invite a MNK for anyway??? Kick their @$$ out or I don't party! Oh, you got a DRK? Great, I'm on my way.

*THF, SMN, and DRG stare at PLD, shocked*

PLD: Man, some people these days just don't know how to put together a good party. Are you guys looking for a pt here too?

*PLD examines you PLD examines you PLD examines you*

THF: yeah...

SMN: yup

DRG: ...

PLD: Oh... well, later! *mumbles under breath as he walks away* stupid idiots don't know what a good job is *starts laughing*

DRG: If I wasn't in town, I would sick my wyvern on him /fume

*DRG smiles warmly at female Hume WAR/NIN*
*RDM looks at DRG scornfully and puts up seek PT flag*

MNK: hey guys /sigh

THF: Hey MNK, what are you doing here? I htought you had a party.

MNK: It disbanded :( *puts seek flag up again*

*RDM seek flag disappears and she walks out of the bar with a very smug grin on her face*

SMN: Man, that's rough

DRG: /sh WILL GIVE HEAD FOR EXP! PLZ INVITE ME TO A PARTY!!!

ANONPTLEADER>> You want a pt?
anonpartyleader offers to trade with you
*DRG trades anonpartyleader a handfull of bronze bolt heads*

anonptleader: WTF is this? U R teh uber n00b! STFU! OMG UR MOM!!! *walks away*

DRG: ...
THF: ...
SMN: ...
MNK: ...

SMN: Let's try to make our own party. I think we could do pretty well if we just added a healer and a tank.

*the MNK, DRG, SMN, and THF form a pt and send out /tells to several mages and tanks*

WHMreply1>> Do you have a tank?
>>WHMreply1 Not yet, but we're working on it, you interested?
>>Whmreply1 ... ... ... hello?
WHMreply1>> {English} {I don't understand}

TankReply1>> Do you have a WHM?
>>TankReply1 Not yet, but I'm working on it...

Tankreply2>> Do you have a whm?
>>Tankreply2 I sent tells to a couple WHMs...
TankReply2>> OMG U R teh N00B sauce!! F*C# U!
>>TankReply2 >_< that was pretty rude...
TankReply2>> OMG UR MOM!!!

WHMreply2>> Do you have a RDM?
>>WHMreply2 Sorry, no :\
>>WHMreply2 ... you still there?
WHMreply2>> Ummm... no... I'm AFK...

MNK: That's it, I'm logging out. Good luck!
*MNK logs out*

SMN: W00T!!! I got a pt! Later!

DRG: /sigh
THF: /sigh

DRG: Well, I think I'm gonna log too. This is going nowhere fast.

Sorrynoenglish>> #(%) %&!#($&*_ @(*&@!# @(#PT!!)%*!

DRG: oh, I got a tell from a JP about a party

>>Sorrynoenglish {I'm sorry} {I don't speak any Japanese} {Please use the auto-translate function}

*5 minutes pass with no reply*

DRG: Damn, I wish I could speak Japanese :(

Sorrynoenglish>> {I'm sorry}

DRG: ARGH!!!!! I thought I was gonna actually get into a party too!!!

THF: You're probably too damn drunk to party anyway...

DRG: Nonsense! I'm not as think as you drunk I am!

THF: ...

DRG: You knew what I meant!... I'm gonna try to solo for a bit... I heard that DRG/BLM was a great combinations for soloing... my blm is level 5, I'm gonna give it a shot.

THF: That's a pretty underleveled sub...

DRG: Yeah... but slow exp is better than nothing...
*goes off to hunt for a bit*

THF: ... ... ... man, it's lonely in here...

*20 minutes pass... DRG walks back in*

THF: Hey man, welcome back... decided not to go level?

DRG: No... I went to try to level...

THF: ???

DRG: I'm now 3,000 TNL >_<

THF: Oh... that sucks...

DRG: BARTENDER! 3 more...
*guzzles down all 3 drinks in record time*

THF: Man, that can't be good for ya...

DRG: Don't worry, I can handle it! I have a separate stomach just for cake and ice cream!

THF: ooooooooookay then... ... ... ... Hey, I just got a party invite, see ya later!

*DRG drools all over himself and drowns*

DRG: NOOOOOOOOO!!!! 4k tnl now /cry

DRG: 7yyg76hyu76yh7 *head banging on keyboard*

*the sound of a somputer monitor being thrown out a window is heard, followed by the sound of a computer landing on the remains of the monitor*

RNG: What was that noise? I couldn't hear through all the party invites. Now... should I go get exp or do a BCNM or go hunt an NM or solo on some worms or...
#2 May 05 2004 at 8:16 AM Rating: Decent
Imaginary Friend
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16,112 posts
/praise

keep it up, I love this stuff.. makes me feel like I'm playing at work..

Bail รณ Dhia ar an obair!!
____________________________
With the receiver in my hand..
#3 May 05 2004 at 8:16 AM Rating: Decent
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4,575 posts

good fun satire..esp for those drg who thinks suddenly they can't get PT anymore..doh!

well at high lvl, it's like this for all jobs pretty much. my blm and whm sat in jeuno lfg for hours too.

#4 May 05 2004 at 8:16 AM Rating: Good
Guru
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2,866 posts
As a PLD I feel for ya Irish.... sorry the LFG life of a melee such as yourself is that rough.
#5 May 05 2004 at 8:24 AM Rating: Decent
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4,148 posts
Very funny stuff (click sig)
#6 May 05 2004 at 8:31 AM Rating: Good
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1,506 posts
I'm pretty sure that thf in your story was me :P I've been trying to get to an xp party for the pass 4 days =) Finally got into a party last night only to die 2 times...net xp = 200 so far :P
#7 May 05 2004 at 8:34 AM Rating: Good
Crazy. Your tale of whoe, despiration, and drunkeness hit the spot. ^^

Rate up ^^v

Will have to come up with something to add. ^^
#8 May 05 2004 at 8:59 AM Rating: Decent
I feel your pain ^^
#9 May 05 2004 at 9:15 AM Rating: Decent
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294 posts
I'm glad you all liked it ^^

Stay tuned for volume 2, coming... uh... whenever inspiration strikes again... I might have to make a beer run lol... j/k... or am I?

I really started to lose it there for a little bit. I had the idea of the most commonly underappreciated jobs sitting in a bar and waiting for a party like they were trying to pick up women, but I had no idea where I was gonna go with the idea. I got about half way through and realized it was totally boring so I had to go back and breathe some life into it so to speak and I'm quite satisfied with the end result. When I'm bored and I have nothing else to do, I tend to ramble on forever and ever... well, obviously not forever and ever literally but you know what I mean. Okay, that's enough of that... time to eat and ponder the meaning of life, the universe, and everything...

37!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... ... ... wait, that's not right... was it 45? no... 68? no... 3.14159? no, that's not it either...
#10 May 05 2004 at 9:15 AM Rating: Good
*****
12,735 posts
LMAO!!

Exodus starts casting Rate Up on CrazyIrishman.
Exodus casts Rate Up on CrazyIrishman.
Exodus spell is interrupted.

Wait hold on...
/emote takes out cell phone...

Yeah? You got a WHM? Oh, good! Alrighty, kick out the dude that's two levels over you and I'm in!

/emote puts sell phone away.

Alright, let me cast my spell and I'm out.

Exodus starts casting Rate Up on CrazyIrishman.
Exodus casts Rate Up on CrazyIrishman.
CrazyIrishman gains the effect of Rate Up.


(lol I'm a PLD, but I'm not that mean. :-P)
#11 May 05 2004 at 9:17 AM Rating: Decent
HAHA WTF!!! That was great Crazy!!! I'm at work right now tell Ruthie I said hi from work if you see her on today.

btw you are teh genius!
#12 May 05 2004 at 9:24 AM Rating: Decent
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294 posts
CONFUCION! I didnt know you read the boards lol

I'm actually not playing currently... I kinda got cut off... that whole having to pay for access thing... as soon as I finally get my tax return (been waiting 2 months so far >_<) I'll be able to get back online again. I miss all my friend snd LS buddies :( Instead of spending my free time playing FFXI, I spend it on the boards... and trying to get some money of course lol Tell Ruthie I said hi!

Edit: oh yeah, I forgot to add a link to the other thread I started just a few hours before I wrote this one. I personally think that one is even better than this one. How to win DRGs and influence people

Edited, Wed May 5 10:26:49 2004 by CrazyIrishman
#13 May 05 2004 at 9:50 AM Rating: Decent
lol ok will do!


btw >>>RNG: What was that noise? I couldn't hear through all the party invites. Now... should I go get exp or do a BCNM or go hunt an NM or solo on some worms or...<<<

been playing my rng recently and that is a classic line. love that one. omgwtflmaobbq = P
#14 May 05 2004 at 10:02 AM Rating: Decent
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428 posts
Hey Confucion,
nice to see a familiar face on the boards. I thought I was the only one from our server, lol
#15 May 05 2004 at 10:05 AM Rating: Decent
::wave:: Hey Neera, lol, I sent you a shout in the cerberus thread also heh. looks like the at work cru is out in full force today ; P
#16 May 05 2004 at 10:50 AM Rating: Decent
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294 posts
If you crave more crazy, vol 2 is already complete. I was inspired, what can I say- Crazy's crazy realm of crazy craziness... Vol 2
#17 May 08 2004 at 3:55 AM Rating: Decent
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294 posts
Adding links to all current volumes of craziness. Also, a shameless bump. I think a lot of people missed this the first time through. Lots of inane crap pushed it off the front page pretty fast.

Crazy's crazy realm of crazy craziness:
Volume 1
Volume 2
Volume 3

Can't forget the imitation thread that started a whole 1-day flood of imitation imitations...
How to win DRGs and influence people (blatant ripoff)
#18 Jan 28 2005 at 2:31 AM Rating: Decent
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123 posts
lol.. Just read this post.
Better late then never! <3 CrazyI
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