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A Ranger.........Goes On A Cruise.......Follow

#1 Feb 29 2004 at 5:21 AM Rating: Excellent
Things were getting on top of Rut's our hero. The problem was the demands being placed upon him by his work, family and life. You see, he knew he had to go out and earn a crust for his wife and little ones but lately there just didn't seem enough hours in the day. The main issue was this "activity" that Mrs Rut's wanted to do with Rut's, almost every daylight hour. This "activity" was starting to take over peoples lives in Norrath and Rut knew several of his friends who were also effected by it.

It involved Rut and his family sitting around the family oaken dining table and having blank parchments and quills placed in front of them. Every one of them would make up this daft ficticious character and give it a name. They then would imagine this character living in a make believe world and going on adventures and having to do everything that Rut did in his normal life. To work out a characters abilities they would roll multi-sided acorns with numbers etched on them and write down their "statistics" on the parchment. Rut's had secretly spoken to the local Shaman down at the Queynos Sanatarium about the possiblity of Mrs Ruts spending some quality time being "observed" by professional's and given an adequate supply of mind expanding funny mushrooms. He believed that Mrs Rut's was becoming obsessed and addicted to this new craze which was just called "RL"!!

So when one of Rut's mates down at the Eight Virtues Club gave him an advert for the possibility of a cruise he just jumped at the chance.....imaging lying on a big wooden cruiser being served Surefall Sap with minted ice by scantily clad Elven lasses'!!! The big night came, but alas Mrs Rut's insisted on her hubby playing RL again and going on a quest to do ridiculous household chores called "washing up" and "putting the children to bed", so he missed the main group heading out for the boat.

Finally he was ready and one of the party came and met up with Rut's at POK. This was a Druid friend of the group who ported Rut's over to Stonebrunt Mountains. Then he had a shock of his life when he suddenly found himself floating eight foot off the ground. This was a totally new experience which caused him to promptly lose his breakfast of sugar coated earwigs and become extremly embarassed in front of the lovely Druid who was helping him. After casually wiping off the front of his tunic and smoothing down his eyebrows, it was a short walk over to the harbour where Rut's gazed down onto a lovely wooden ship, but as he got closer he bagan to get worried as he could not see the rest of the group sunning themselves let alone the female Elves he was expecting to tender to his every whim. Instead he was lead to a tiny door and told to go through it.

POW!! Instead of a chilled glass being thrust into his hand our hero found himself in a very dark and wierd zone which he was told was the Gulf of Gunthak. Next came the usual evening surprise (but seems to becoming the norm!) when the pretty Druid turned and said "The next bit is very, very dangerous so I am going to cast invis, and levitate again. If you appear let me know" Oh chunky!! thought Rut's. Where's the inflatable lilo's on the ship's indoor pool? Where's the free complimentary sauna and gym that he was expecting? AND WHERE THE HELL ARE THE GOOD LOOKING ELVES????? No chance to argue as the Druid sets off and Rut's hastily engages his /follow skill. Over the water and then into a tunnel. Up comes the tracking radar and you guessed it!! red is the favourite colour of the day. Now Rut's really lost his ability to enjoy this cruise as he frantically keeps an eye on his effects list and the swinging hips of the Druid in front. He glimpses the fleeting images of big ugly creatures looking up at the soles of his feet and slowly moving their tongues around their lips which big pools of saliva forming under their mouths. He also sees pointy evil looking plants on the floor. Rut's suddenly has this real strong feeling that now would not be a good time to smell the roses or pat the furry wildlife on the head.

DISASTER!! He then see's his invis starting to fade and a calming female voice enter his head...."You feel yourself starting to appear" You know the mechanised cool calm voice that is given just before your whole world ends in a pile of sh..... "STOP STOP" Rut's cries out to the Druid in front as well as looking behind him expecting to see a line of furry Ranger eating mobs lining up in anticipation and arguing who gets to nibble his femur ends. Luckily just as he appears it's just by the zone line, however one mob gets a swipe in for 109 damage which gives Rut's some idea of how dangerous this place is. Then it's a sprint through Dulak's Harbour with again everybody we pass looking at me with evil intent in their eyes. Finally we arrive at the harbour area to the site of several ships moored up. At last, bring on the Elves!! There on the ship are my friends who I really like right now as their going to be saving my hide if anything goes wrong. The Druid bids farewell and in her place a silver haired Shadow Knight appears called Skorpia.

Okay I say I'm ready for the drinks, and those little appetiser munchies you get served on silver platters. Rut's begin's to strip down to his swimming trunks and is about to enquire where the pool is, when the first Elf comes over. Now I'm not sure what planet my friends were on but I'm sure an female Elf does not look eight foot tall, butt ugly, with red eyes and clad in foul smelling armour!! Also it wasn't a chilled glass full of refreshing liquid I was being offered, but this so called waitress was instead offering to stick this huge pointy object somewhere where it's going to bring tears to my ears.

The rest of the evening passes with some good mob bashing and great opportunities to get some lovely souvenirs from the local "waitresses". We also got to dine with the Captain, except he just didn't realise that he was the main course, har har!! To my friends that night, Skorpia, Daarius, Rhaja and Ampli, thankyou for inviting me and looking after me, I honour you.

The moral of this story, is if you are offered the chance for a cruise....don't bother packing your swimming cossy!! That's it for now folks, your bow twanging Ranger Boy signing off, laters!!
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